100% Trust then Not So Much

My T says it's a 3 step cycle - you come together, there's a rupture, you repair it, and the cycle begins again. Per Melanie Klein, I think. But step 1 & 3 are kind of the same, the state is one of trust, so really it's a binary system: close/apart; approach/retreat; rupture/repair. This was how it was supposed to work - with each cycle, mother and baby understood each other better. But as mykidsarecool said today, some mothers stopped at a rupture point - stopped attaching to us, stopped connecting to us, stopped talking to us, stopped relating to us. Stopped looking at us, stopped bathing us, stopped feeding us, never played with us to begin with, so that wasn't a loss. Let someone else do all that stuff.

This is a good pattern now, what you have. It's real. It's called getting to know. The good and bad work like Velcro to hook you into each other.

from your original post...

"But still, I like (love) her but then I also want to end it altogether."

that is normal. well, hopefully...cus I did it with my old therapist.
I think I was in the state of mind of wanting to end it and having a strong connection--for over 2 months. lol. both equally at work! it drove me crazzzy!

Actually, I just figured out--as well, that I have this uncanny ability to not trust a person yet, still open up pandoras box. It's wierd. Like I know if most people don't trust someone they will limit what they say. I can NOT trust some 100% and still share a lot to them. It's almost like I block out that I can't trust them, think about how much I need to get whatever it is off my chest, and start talking anyway. I do it all the time and then eventually regret it!
haha I'm about to do it right now. I'm about to email my T. haha good luck!

It is a way to deal with the tension from something. For me it is the fear of intimacy, because I think it will lead to being exposed, judged, manipulated, hurt, and discarded.

It is like when it happens within a session, when I clam up or pull waayyy back. Finding my way back, with T's help, then solidifies the trust again.
Until next time...

I go through this thinking quite often, and I know how frustrating it can be. At the moment we're on an 'up swing' so things feel good, but when I start having the feelings of mistrust it can get very ugly.

Unfortunately I don't understand it myself. I think it may be part of the rupture-repair cycle that we go through and I just keep hoping there's good that comes from it. Like each time we (I) survive the bond is stronger.

I have huge trust issues. My trust in t varies a LOT.

Skysblue...

I guess my question is in the midst of the waivering do you know deep down that you can stll trust T? That is ALWAYS what I have to look at when I start waivering. Then ask why I am waivering. If it involves T directly something she said,didnt say, did, didnt do....I take it to her directly. Often times it is a misunderstanding of some sort we work it out and I am back to 100% in it. Really no matter what it is I take it to T because that is my best option to looking at it clearly. She has never tried to talk me out of leaving it has always been working out/through the exact situation.

I guess we need to determine what we mean by 'trust'. If trust means never being hurt by T, I guess that would be an impossibility. Even though I've told my T that she's the perfect T, she rejects that label and continues to try to convince me she's human and makes mistakes.

I think I may have been expecting from her what isn't humanly possible. So, does that mean I can't 'trust' her?

Maybe if I accept that I'll get hurt and that I'll experience pain in session and that she won't always get it right and that she's stumbling along just like I am (but she has a bit better vision than me) and that we're in a real human relationship with all its ups and downs - maybe then, with that acceptance I can begin to 'trust'.

So, then the word 'trust' changes its meaning somewhat. There are some things I am sure I can trust my T with. I trust her implicitly that she only wants the best for me. I trust her completely that she will do all she can for me. I trust her that she really does care about me. I trust that nothing that I say or do will alienate her from me.

So, as I begin to see with a bit more clarity, I must step back and shout to the world that I TRUST MY T 100%

Well you nailed my definition of trust. So you are seeing more clearly and are determining that you really do trust T 100%. I would still take the comment that upset you to T and talk it out. Your relationship will grow from it.

Oh yeah, we've already talked about it. She's so great about accepting my complaints about her.

Awesome so good to hear!!!

I had this too. I had so much to say (still do!) that I'd tell anyone who would listen, whether I trusted them or not.

Also, there was an element of: "All humans are scum. Who cares what they think anyway?"