sinking

its been 2 months since our T got called away for a family emergency. she's still out of the country. she emails and calls whenever she cant but that isn't often...always internet or phone issues. and so many dr appts for the family member she's caring for. we are really falling apart. when we're not at work, we just want to sleep. we go to bed at like 8:00 now...we didn't go to bed this early in the 1st grade
T knows how we're doing...but obviously she can't do much from where she is.
another T isn't an option right now (no money)...not much is an option right now except for waiting for her to come home. and she still doesn't know when she will be home
we're just hanging on by a thread here and feeling really stupid, ashamed, and pathetic for doing so badly. just not talking much, eating much, or doing much anymore. work alter takes over and does 8 hours at work pretty well during the day, thank goodness. then we get home and just want to sleep the time away. we just need our T to come home.
we miss feeling safe. its too hard to go from 2 sessions a week to nothing. its too hard from having someone loving and caring around to being alone most of the time and feeling abandoned.

Sarah Michelle, that sounds so hard.... people are all so different, but I know I would struggle so much if my therapist just disappeared to another country. You are really pushing through. I wish you had an alternate therapist to help you out while your current one is gone. Did you talk to her about that at all? The no money thing is such a barrier, it makes me mad. I hope you are able to keep holding up, I bet your therapist hopes so too. I'm sorry you feel so many awful feelings... really, even though you must feel terrible, I think you're very brave for getting through this and I am sending warm thoughts your way.

i can deeply empathize with you, SarahMichelle. i just discovered that safe feeling in therapy. I can't imagine if it were to go away suddenly.

(((lots of safe hugs)))

(((((((((((sarahmichelle)))))))))))))

I wish we could all pitch in and get her. Sending a hug for today. Hope she gets back soon.

Lots of hugs being sent your way. Keeping hanging in there.

thank you... we dont feel like we are pushing thru very well
T says that the days go by really fast for her because she's so busy taking care of sick family member, she knows time is going by slow for us because we're here by ourselves and we're lonely and needing to talk... we just wish so much she could manage to make some time to call...all these doubts keep creeping into our mind... like what if she doesn't come home after all? what if she was lying when she promised she would keep in touch? she had promised to skype and email a lot and give us an address to write to her at, but she hasn't done any of that yet (she didn't realize she would be this busy and swamped in dr appts with family)... she's been gone for 2 months and it feels like more than that.
she says to try to remember what sessions felt like and how it felt to get a hug from her, but its hard to remember-- and if we do happen to remember, it hurts, because we miss it so badly.

I don't really have anything helpful to add, but this just sounds SO difficult, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. I know it's hard, and you probably don't even feel like it, but you're being so, SO strong.

Hugs to you. I'm thinking of you.

Is there any way you could see someone else until she gets back?

Unfortunately there isnt a way to see someone else. I am hoping t can call this weekend. I have so many things to tell her.

wish i knew how she was doing...what is going on there... she hasn't even answered any emails .... we thought she would call tonight but she hasn't

sorry she didn't call SarahMichelle. I'm glad you're posting on here.

ok so staring at my phone and begging it to ring has absolutely not worked.

i have been near tears all day... i need to talk to her so badly.
just not doing so great. its getting so close to halloween (big trigger time for us)...memories coming up...having flashbacks... so worried that something has happened to our T, like an accident or something... worried she won't come home at all, worried that if she DOES call she will have bad news like that she isn't coming home at all. she told us before she left, "I dont even have citizenship there, I can't get a job!" ...her kids are here, a lot of her family is here, her house is here. But what's that stopping her from abandoning us anyway? Everyone else does.

feeling sick to my stomach.

SarahMichelle, I'm so sorry you are suffering I know it is very very hard not to know when you'll hear from T. It makes every second stressful, because you are always hoping that it will be now, now, now...

I wonder whether you can remember how she disappeared around Easter (I hope I am remembering the timing right) and how distressed and afraid you were, but how you two quickly settled down into your normal relationship again?

How is T's doggy? Did you do any of the fun projects people suggested? Is there any way that could make you feel a bit better?

Sorry if I am suggesting solutions when you really just wanted to be heard. I do hear you

Yah that was so hard when she disapearred before
I need her to come back.
We havent felt up to doing any art or projects...

We thought sure she would call today but she didnt.

T's doggy gets sad sometimes. He missrs her. He is a sweet dog though.

((((((((((((sarahmichelle))))))))))))) hope you hear from her soon.

It must be so, so hard to keep afloat. You are doing it though, you are. Sending hugs and thoughts your way.



Nelliecat

oh my. how can I help you? I can only send encouragement. Maybe see if there is a support group you can go to that is free. I found one for anorexia (20 years ago) and it was free. It may help bridge the gap until your T can work again. Peace.

I am going to look for a support group. Were not good at groups but it would at least be something.

We got two emails from T this morning.
She said they had a bad wk there ( w/ the person she is taking care of).
Also says shes now living at a stone age place with no internet so she can only get emails when she drives all the way over to the internet cafe which is kinda far.
So .... ****.

But she said we are in her heart and she thinks of us every day
Which was nice to hear. She said to imagine her holding our hand.
Thats hard to imagine any more tho.. We cant remember hiw it felt...2 months has gone by so slow
She said she hope to call us this week.

Just need her to come home.

T finally had time to call tonight! We talked for an hour. Because I'm so stressed out I am super dissociative, so I know we talked to her, and I know she talked to several of the inside kids, I just have no idea what they talked about with her. I can IMAGINE though the topics were all around 1)when are you coming home? and 2)things are really hard without you here and 3) so when ARE you coming home?
She said she wants to come home and didn't expect to be gone this long in the 1st place, I know that much.
Anyway, apparently she knows tomorrows schedule at least, and is planning to call us tomorrow evening again. I sure hope so, because I want to have a chance to talk to her myself. So I am super thankful that she called.

My T called again last night!
We had about an hour and a half to talk before she had to go. I got a chance to talk to her, as well as a few of the inside kids. Feeling much better. She said she plans to be home before Christmas ( I hope so)

SarahMichelle, I'm so glad you got to talk to her!!!

Thank you rainbow rose i am glad too

The inside kids are doing a little better since t talked abt coming home. I still have a couple of screamers. We did have a big revelation last night thats got us all shocked and weirded out, after one of the teen alters was yelling at T on the phone last night and they talked a bit ... We learned some stuff that has us deep in thought today.

Its just about a miracle, we got 2 emails from T this week as well. She must be having a good week with her family stuff if she actually has the time. Since we emailed her about the big revelation thingy we had last night, she emailed us back about how proud she is of us and can't wait to hear more about it....so that was nice to hear.

Such good news! Emails and phone calls this week, and talk of her coming home. Yay!! I know this is so difficult for you, but you've been hanging in there. Thanks so much for sharing the good news.