does anyone tape their appointments?

I appreciate your input. I am not intentionally out to frustrate you and am not quite certain why I or my struggles with therapy would create such a strong response in you. I believe I do talk openly and honestly to the t's about the stuff I can figure out they need to know about. If the t had asked, I would have told her. She knows I had trouble with the prior t, just has not asked for detail. I fully admit I do not trust therapists as a group and have to work through a great deal of anxiety, fear, and so forth to set my mistrust aside as much as I find possible to even go in a room alone with one of them.

Yes, I record my sessions, but for a different purpose. I do think it is a great idea to record some sessions to use as a tool to help you and T gain some clarity on any misperceptions. It can be used as a learning tool, for sure!

At least you have the option of an ignore button? I on my dumbphone do not. I wrote before, but deleted, but will say now, that I am afraid, stopdog, that you may have to hit bottom, as I did, before you will be able to utilize therapy. Hope not, it is not pleasant. I wish you well.

Thank you for the concern and I do appreciate your input. Again I do not understand how my question about if others tape and if it is useful or my struggle with doing therapy was so upsetting to others. I did not intend to upset you with my struggles. I am doing as fine as usual so I am not worried about hitting bottom. I may never utilize therapy the way some others do, but in my reading of this forum, there are others who share my position and concerns to some extent. I enjoy reading about the successes of people on this board and am happy that you feel you are utilizing therapy the best way for you at this time.

My memory sucks in T. I write down what I can. I hate hearing my voice on tape so no good for me. I think taping was commonly done about 20 years ago. T also takes notes so I rely heavily on what she remembers. I dissociate. She also recaps session at the end so I am not distressed by not remembering. I can not even imagine T lying to me about stuff with her power. How distressing it must be for you. I would not talk about anything else in T until you two figure out this issue. supervision, taping, taking notes, journaling, or whatever resolution the two of you make to solve this problem. Peace to you.

I've only had things taped when my T's have asked to. If I had that much trouble with a T's and my versions of events differing constantly, I'd not want to continue seeing that T or, if it happened with multiple T's I'd seriously start looking at myself as having the problem; I think we tend to go to T's because we have communications problems and the same ones are bound to show up there, I'd remember that and give my T the benefit of the doubt and look at the situation in other ways.

Your T could have been "kidding" or sarcastic/making a point in what she said; I don't know that you "should" have known the difference, maybe that's a difficulty you have, telling the difference when someone is exaggerating for effect and when they're seriously saying what they're saying? I don't know. It doesn't sound to me like "exact" wording is the problem you have/had but meaning behind the words and how you interpret them?

Usually I have no trouble knowing. And certainly I belie if I was supposed to know she was kidding, then she should have known I was not. It was really a problem with whether something was said at all, not the interpretation.

That is good news. Since this is not a problem with the current T, then perhaps let sleeping dogs lie. You've been seeing the new T for 8 months, which is quite a long time for this problem to have a chance to come up, and it hasn't. I think this is very positive! Since there isn't a problem with new T in this regard, it seems the taping wouldn't be appropriate at this time. Plus, if you insist on taping for some problem she doesn't have, it could harm the relationship, IMO. Like you just can't trust her and think she is doing this crap to you, just like your other T did. Why not take the last 5 minutes of each session and review together what was said so that you can clear up any pieces you two don't remember the same right there and then? If you do this studiously a few times, maybe it will help you accept her for the T she is, not for the T of your past.

There is no constant "you are wrong" going on with this T. There isn't a problem with this. I think you are trying to put your old T's behavior onto your new one, and that is something that is important to work through with current T. I guess it's a form of T to T transference. Part of working through this is continuing to not see this behavior from your T, and you have 8 months of that under your belt. Keep going. I have now seen my T for 5 years and just in the last 6 months or so we had a situation where I kept expecting him to react a certain way to me based on how someone else had been to me in my past. We had to work through that before we could proceed. We looked for "evidence" in all of our past interactions that he would behave that way and couldn't really find it. I brought up several situations from our interactions in the past that hinted maybe he would act that way, and we dealt with each of them. My psyche was really grasping at straws to cast him in the role of that person from my past. I am sure he was internally rolling his eyes at that, like what does he have to do to be perfect?! Anyway, we made it through. Good luck to you.

If someone calls you a "dirty dog" you confront them right then, not later; it's often "natural" for people making mistakes to forget, literally; no one likes to suddenly learn that last week they said/did something wrong; it's like being drunk and not remembering what you did last night. How do such ongoing difficulties of what someone said earlier cause problems?

If my T seemed to be having difficulty remembering what I felt to be "facts", things I know I'd said or heard her say, I wouldn't stay with her, it would be too frustrating? But I wouldn't expect the "next" T to have that problem unless I had an ongoing problem of some sort. I know what I know.

You cannot shake my confidence in my memory; I know I have a good memory, I can even "prove" to you I have a good memory (when I was in group therapy and there was a dispute with another member, the group leaders would turn to me to "remember" the scene and refresh everyone's memory; I could remember who was sitting where, who said what, when, etc.). If you get in an argument with me about what is remembered, I'm going to lose interest in talking with you, no matter if you are my T or not.

However, I do keep an "opposite" ability with me, just for "fun". Without doubting myself, I can imagine, what if the other person is right? What if there is something wrong with me/my memory and it doesn't work the way I think it does? I can suspend judgment (sometimes :-) and pretend I'm in "The Twilight Zone" and see if that shows me anything helpful to me. That's the key, helpful to me.

So, why are you worried that the "next", your current T has the same problem your previous T had? That says to me that you aren't quite confident in an ability of your own of some sort, are second-guessing yourself.

I am not certain it is confidence in anything other than how to do therapy and I certainly lack trust in dealing with them. And I was not always saying the t had done something wrong - more often it was just something I had been thinking about from appointment to the next appointment that I wanted to clarify. Oh well. It does not appear as though many people here record the appointments. I will report back on how it goes for me.

I have never had a client record a session. I have taped video sessions for consultation use, with client consent. But with a client taping, and then taking it out of the office, I don't know that we would even authroize that at this agency, or if I would if I was in private practice. I would worry how harmful it would be to be outside of the office. One, for confidentiality reasons. Two, if the client is using them as a way to be hyper aware/nit pick the session, that is not therapeutic. My goal would be to work with the client on how we can build our relationship to the point that they feel heard in session.

The confidentiality belongs to the client. I don't think I am trying to nitpick anything. I am trying to get reassurance I either misheard something that is bothering me from the appointment and I can let it go or so I can go in with evidence if I am not believed whe I bring it up. The t I am seeing does not have a problem with it, so I am going to try it to see if it helps my anxiety level over dealing with her. I will report back. I am surprised that only a couple of people here have tried it.

don't get thrown off track by bad Ts who say you're nitpicking or "hyper aware" as a way to shift the burden. I went through that recently. I noticed early on that when I was "hyper aware" of how well therapy was going (which it sometimes was...) and went into great detail about how it was working, the detail orientation was welcome....however, when I held T to the same high standard about where it had gone wrong, I was told I was hyperaware. Seems hard to have it both ways. What's wrong with a little rigour here, after all? T is expensive....it should hold up to some level of scrutiny, it seems to me. Ts who call critical clients "hyper aware" just need to sprout a pair, in my view. Sorry to be a buzz kill....I am having a bad hair day, I guess.

Of course, on the completely other hand, these tapes could provide a tremendous source of comfort for you if your therapist is open, honest, accountable etc... They may provide you with a powerful means through which to internalize what your therapist is saying.

It all depends on how you use them and what your intent is when you listen to them don't you think?

No doubt about it! And even if your T was NOT that way, you might be able to detect patterns of your own that you want to minimize or.. strengthen. I used to think, with my old T....gosh, this would be entertaining for a fly on the wall! Honestly, he earned every penny... I know I aint easy !

Whoa, it is a bad hair day (I've had few of those myself lately!) But in my opinion, being hyper-aware or nit-picking or whatever is not a bad thing, but rather should all be grist for the therapy mill.

I mean there is a reason behind everything right? The way I see it, therapist definitely make mistakes, clients make mistakes - misinterpretations, miscommunications, over sensitivity, fear, mistrust, anxiety - it's all part and parcel for therapy.

We have every right to disagree with our therapists and they can certainly disagree with us and our interpretations of things. Sometimes we are right, sometimes they are right.

Whatever the case, we are in therapy to learn and explore ourselves. The therapist is the catalyst and the vehicle to help us do that. It's all about learning to trust the intent and the relationship as a whole.

If it comes down to being contemplative and wrong or miserable and right, i'll chose wrong any day. It's not just about picking your battles, but understanding why you fight in the first place.

What is "wrong" about saying "remember last time when you said blah blah blah" is the fact that you never step in the same river twice. Therapy is like a musical performance, a duet, but always an improvisation.

very poetic. i love it.

I too support video taping and audio taping therapy sessions. in my own therapy it was the audio and video recordings that help confirm my diagnosis of DID and it has helped in so many ways over the years. One big thing is that I can see how much I have changed and progressed over the years.

In my sessions with my clients at the crisis center we audio and video record. This helps a lot when we have to go to court with our clients. not only does it show first hand how we have worked with the client but also shows first hand to the court the physical and emotional damages of the abuse committed on our clients and it also shows our clients things like even though they may feel like they are getting no where and they feel things are hopeless, they are making progress and have come a long way from that first session.

We also use audio and video recording at the hospital mental health Unit, we do so for many reasons including those I already stated above.

Well, I tried it today at the appointment and it went fine. I have already deleted it off my phone with no desire to listen. It just made me feel safer to know I was doing it and would have it if I needed it. The t commented my anxiety seemed to go down a little quicker so I think it may help me for awhile.

I didn't realize you had asked the t before you posted here. I thought you hadn't but I don't remember why I thought that. Doesn't matter.

Is it legal to record someone secretly without their permission? i thought it was illegal. But people do it anyway all the time on TV and they don't get in trouble. Sometimes they catch the bad guys that way . So I wondered.

That's good! Hope t is going well for you overall.

Taping without them knowing is perhaps not the best way to go about it, but it is possible and i do not think it harms them. The ways to use the info is where it might become a problem.

The current t is sort of into first reducing my anxiety over therapy itself and is looking at this more like it is not a big deal for her and it may help me relax a bit so have at it.

Yes, on my phone, but my T doesn't know. I listen to the recordings because it is comforting and also because sometimes I dissociate in session.

I find it interesting that people would want tapes of their sessions. I would hate to listen to myself and hear how poorly I might have responded to T or how badly I handled the session. For me it would be the 'opportunity' to criticize myself. I would really really hate to replay a session for that reason alone. I would also find myself feeling self-conscious.

Also, divorcing the words from the body language would make it a less than accurate representation of what really happened in session.

For those of you who are attracted to this idea, I applaud you on your bravery. And if the motive is to 'catch' a T, I would say that's a good indication that it might be time to find another T you can trust better.

I know of some people who record in order to feel close to the t throughout the time between appointments, those who think they can hear new helpful things they could not absorb during the appointment and so forth. One can fastforward through one's self if one did not want to hear that part but only listen to the t. I think there are many reasons that are very valid. For me, it is not to "catch" the t, but to clarify what actually did happen and then be able to discuss it/clarify it without having the factual dispute added in, or be reassured that I simply mis-remembered or mis-heard. If yesterday is any indication, for me, I felt safer doing it.