what went on

it might be that she was keeping an eye out for your call, hoping you would call, Granite

SWE that would be such a comforting thought i wouldnt feel so alone and miserable.even if it isnt true is there any harm in believing this just a little

remember the thread this past week, 'late for therapy'? that person's T was SO nice, I was shocked - I automatically expected that T to be punitive like MY the mother, and I think I responded to the OP that way. but that is not how it worked out. the T APOLOGIZED. even tho it was someone else's T, I accepted the apology, why not?! I need all the good feelings I can get.

Granite Did you ask your T to call you back? I know it's frustrating sitting in silence, but maybe your T is just waiting for you to gather your thoughts and start. Although sometimes your body language can say a lot, so I wish she had said something to you. Maybe you could think of some things she could ask you for next session so you don't feel like you're wasting your time? I really hope you can go back and overcome this. You are in my thoughts and I certainly don't get any amusement from seeing you in so much pain

So glad you've spoken to her and she wants you back on monday, hope it's a better session (sorry when I was replying to last post I didn't see she'd already called)

it's ok thanks for caring

I'm so glad you called and your T called you back!! Hooray!!!! You're braver than you think, granite!

Awesome granite, just awesome

This sounds sooo relieving! I love it when my T says 'of course' about something I'm worried about.

She cares and wants you to be the best you that you can be, and she wants you to feel better.

Very courageous, granite - to call when feeling so awful and when so frightened!

this is only the second time in 3 years i have called her for support.i did call her once when i first started deeing her to cancel because i was sick.

i really hope she does care about me she said she has never been angry with me i dont know if i believe it but it would be nice if this were the case

granite try to think as logically as you can (i know how HARD that can be)...what reason would your T ever have to lie to you? What could she possibly gain from that? She has no incentive just to say it to you. A T's job isn't to always make you feel better. It is to HELP you feel better...and she is telling you the truth, she hasn't ever been angry at you, just your perception of her anger is what you remember. You know what I have done and said to my T when she says something I can't believe yet, is "Ok. I have to consciously choose to believe you." It was a choice, because if I kept listening to all my self-doubts, I would never ever do it.

To me therapy is tiny leap of faiths all the time. And maybe big ones..but I haven't gotten there yet There has been so many times where I am so afraid to trust what she is saying, and if I REALLY think about it, she has never actually gone back on her word. I have yet to be fired! And sometimes I just have to let my fear go, even if it is just for a little while. It sometimes comes back, and then we talk about it. T's must be good at talking in circles about things, because thats mostly what I do.

I am proud of you for calling her back. She DID call you back, and gave you positive feedback, AND wants to see you! These are good things, and I hope your next session can be a little easier. Do you think maybe that part of the reason you are so upset is because you set yourself up to maybe be more than you could be at the moment? I forget who it was that said that they are so anxious to have a connection after a break with a T, and when it doesn't happens, it hurts that much more. Or that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to talk? I get the sense that your T understands your fear to talk. She truly does. She is patient, and is trying to figure out the best way to help.

I like her

Keep in mind that she said "Of course" she wants to see you on Monday. And that those are kind and accepting words.

Keep that separate from your thoughts and worries that she is angry with you because that is coming from you, and not from her. When you begin to feel the fear that comes from her being angry with you, remind yourself that this is coming from your thoughts only.

Sometimes when we determine someone else is angry with us, and we have no 'proof' ** of that, it is because we are projecting our own anger. Our anger that frightens us very much, so we project it onto someone else and decide it is the other person who is angry. With that in mind, I wonder how much of your thought of her being angry with you might actually be a projection of your anger with her about the last session (or two).

** Something I learned in REBT was to demand proof that someone is angry with me and the proof is words. So I learned to ask myself for the 'proof' of the other person's anger. Where's the proof? Did they say it directly? If they didn't then I had no proof. If I had no proof, then I could get myself to reject the idea. If they were behaving toward me as if they were angry, I would tell myself that I would not respond accordingly - they would have to tell me they are angry and why. I would not engage in mind reading and guessing games. The only way to work something out is to get it out into the open, to be direct. I was not going to consider they could be angry unless they told me directly. That left me free to carry on even if they were acting differently toward me. That behavior was about them.


granite, these kinds of experiences in therapy, as awfully hard as they most surely are, give us information about ourselves that is priceless, that you and T together can look at and refer to, to learn more about you!

something i just thought of about why i was so upset.one thing my husband can do that gets me really worked up is not talk to me or respond to something i am saying.when my T for 2 sessions didn't even say anything at all to me it may have set me off.usually if i am not willing to talk she will at least say something every once and a while.i don't know why she decided to not do this but it set me off.the only thing i can think of is that one of the things the mother would do all the time is refuse to talk to me or even acknowledge i exist forever.she wouldn't talk to me at all.not even the simplest comment.if she was on one of these kicks i could walk in a room that the family was in watching TV or something she would give me the strangest stare like who the heck am i but wouldn't say anything .i would just leave.this was the worst ever.she would do this forever.she would sometimes do this to my step dad also when she was mad at him.it was the silent treatment on steroids. maybe when T did this it was like being in that situation again and i was so convinced she was angry and all those feelings of being back then washed over me and i just couldn't handle it

Granite I am so proud of you for being brave and calling her back! Andfor asking her to call you-- that was awesome. I'm really happy that she called you and said you could come on Monday. That's wonderful. I know that on Monday you'll probably be nervous, but just be brave and go in and talk the best you can. It sounds like she does care, and you CAN do this-- be brave and do the best you can. You totally rock! I know this was SOOOOO hard for you. I really admire your courage.

good insight, granite. and it probably wasn't safe for you to talk at those times either to the mother. anything you said would have been "back-talk".

Now THAT'S Transference with a capital T. I wish you could see my handsome T giving me his James Bond look and saying, "I'm not granny!" when I put certain more obnoxious of the mother's transferences on him! So anyway, I guess that's why the "silent session" is such a classic scene in the movies and tv and whatnot - it really does accomplish a lot.

So nobody around you talks about feelings, now or before. So you must feel like a fool I still feel like a fool how do you even start, what do you say? There is SUCH a big difference between kids being raised today who are taught to express their felings, and certainly my generation. I was completely lost. I am amazed at what people write here about feelings and stuff, they are so eloquent, I feel like I just do a hit and run, and somebody else comes along later and explains what I meant. btw, thanks for doing that!

granite, this is some wonderful insight.

you were (and are) so brave to call your therapist. you inspire me.

Jinx! you owe me a Coke!

lol. hankster!

how 'bout a pepsi?

i like your idea of keeping thee words seprate maybe i can play them back in my head when i think she is so angry.remember she is a kind person who cares about me and SHE ISN'T ANGRY.

her calling me back made me be able to deal with the day so much better i hope today is the same

hankster -i am so not a feelings kind of person LOL.would rather not do them thank you but they just keep exploding and that is totally uncomfortable for me. i know in my mind that what went on is def transference but i still cant shake the feeling that she was doing this on purpose.maybe i will be able to when i see her Monday if i can talk.

Granite- be please sure to let T know your thoughts behind your reaction- the thoughts about how the mother would stare at you and not speak etc. These are very important insights, and if she knew and understood, it could help to make things so much better for you .... and her!

I'm proud of you! Keep up the good work!!

you guys are to funny lol can i join the pepsi party ill bring and

You brought the insight, granite, that's what started it! Rainbow rose and I both commented that, so that's the poke and jinx you owe me a coke, when 2 people say something at the same time - is that just an american thing?

granite, I also think it would help your T understand you if you can tell her what you posted about the mother ignoring you--the silent treatment on steroids. That is VERY important! If you tell your T, she will reassure you she's not the mother, and she may try a different approach when you don't talk if she KNOWS the way you feel about her not talking.

It's great that you're having these insights!!