I talked with my therapist yesterday about my progress. I told her that I wasn't sure if I was really moving 'forward' that much anymore. Of course, she talked to me about my goals and what I needed/wanted from therapy.

At this point, I am not sure that 'moving forward' is what I need from therapy. I just need to 'accept myself' and learn to deal with everyday stresses and encounters. I don't think I need to go back into my past or necessarily talk about 'deep' issues.

I really just want to go in there evey week and bring her the 'here and now' stuff. Things that are going on now that I need to work through and find out how I can do those things more efficiently, effectively, and with less stress.

Do you ever get to the point that you don't think working on really deep stuff is what you need? I have been in therapy for 19 months. We have worked on just about every issue from my past that I can think of. Yes, she thinks I still have not totally worked through some of it because it keeps coming back to 'bite me in the hiney'!

I really just want to go in my sessions and 'talk'. Nothing too serious, nothing really deep, just talk about my everyday life. I need to see what I am doing that is hindering me, what helps me, and which areas I need to readjust so that I get the maximum benefit from every day.

I also need to talk about my triggers. I have them alot. I need to learn to work through those and not allow them to cause me to spiral out of control. We already work on those alot, but I am not sure that I have really accepted that it is okay to have them. It does not make me 'strange, weird, odd' if this affects me in my everyday life.

Is anyone at this point? Just wanting your therapist to help you with everyday things? I think this may be hindering me in therapy because I feel that everytime I go in there, I have to talk about some really deep emotional issue. I just want to TALK! I want to be heard and have someone listen to me and help me with daily stresses.

[Ygrec23]

I understand your feelings, Squiggle, but I don't share them. I'm absolutely committed to understanding and working through all the bad stuff from the distant past. If my T wasn't willing to work with me on that I'd find another T who would. I honestly believe that MY daily things won't change without that kind of "in-depth" treatment. You perhaps can do such a thing. I very much doubt I could.

It would be different for me if my "hang-ups" didn't severely interfere with basic life occupations. And if my terror and anxiety didn't still dominate a major portion of my life. Frankly, I would enjoy being in your position, where talking about everyday things would be sufficient. Bottom line: we're all quite different and have to make our choices based on our own circumstances.

So, provided always that you're not fooling yourself in some way, and provided that such a decision makes sense for you (conscious and unconscious), I myself couldn't see a problem with the change you propose. Of course, whatever your T has to say outweighs anything I say here by a million times. Hope this helps! Take care.

[pachyderm]

Squiggle, I'm not sure that talking about "everyday things" or whatever you want to talk about is totally different from doing things that solve "deep" problems. After all, you yourself say you have triggers and things and everyday problems you want to work on. I think you might find if you talk about the things you want to, you may find yourself coming to solve problems in ways you didn't expect to.

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

I understand your feelings, Squiggle, but I don't share them. I'm absolutely committed to understanding and working through all the bad stuff from the distant past. If my T wasn't willing to work with me on that I'd find another T who would. I honestly believe that MY daily things won't change without that kind of "in-depth" treatment. You perhaps can do such a thing. I very much doubt I could.

It would be different for me if my "hang-ups" didn't severely interfere with basic life occupations. And if my terror and anxiety didn't still dominate a major portion of my life. Frankly, I would enjoy being in your position, where talking about everyday things would be sufficient. Bottom line: we're all quite different and have to make our choices based on our own circumstances.

So, provided always that you're not fooling yourself in some way, and provided that such a decision makes sense for you (conscious and unconscious), I myself couldn't see a problem with the change you propose. Of course, whatever your T has to say outweighs anything I say here by a million times. Hope this helps! Take care.

My problem is that when I go into therapy, I tend to feel that if I can't go into some really deep conversation, that the session was a failure. She is working with me to help me feel that it is okay to talk about something that happened today, yesterday, or a week ago. I tend to think unless I am in some state of extreme emotion, I didn't do any 'work' in that session.

Yes, we absolutely go back to my childhood, teens, young adult years. We go through heartches, disappointments, abusive relationships, etc....I just feel that I need a break from that right now. She tells me something like, "We can take a break, but just know that we will come back and revisit those areas of your life that are still affecting you today."

I think she is trying to help me see that no matter how small the 'issue' is, it is not dumb, stupid, frivolous, unimportant, etc....for me to need to talk with her about it. I have a habit of 'shutting down' in therapy. This is because I either don't want to talk about something, or I don't think I have anything really that important to talk about.

For me, just being 'casual' for a little while is what I need. She agrees with me that this may be what we need to do at this point. If I can feel relaxed and comfortable in sessions, I think the really 'emotional/hard' stuff may come up on its own. I think it will surface when I least expect it. I overplan way too much. I need to let things happen a bit more naturally in sessions.

I have found that as I work on everyday problems and triggers in therapy, I inevitably have to delve into the older, deeper issues. The two are very much connected whether I like it or not. So, sure, go in and talk about whatever is stressing you at the moment in your everyday life, but when that leads to you past and deeper issues as it probably will with great frequency, be willing to look at those as they arise.

[PreacherHeckler]

My therapy is a combination of both. Our primary focus is on working through issues from the past, which for me includes addressing triggers because many of my triggers stem from my childhood and early adulthood, but there are times when I really need help with everyday stresses so we address those issues also. Quite often we discover an overlap between the past and the present so it's not an either/or situation. We might begin with a pressing issue occurring in my life today and find that it's connected to events in the past, so I need to work on "here and now" solutions to handling it better while at the same time I need to work through the deeper issue at its roots.
And sometimes I just need a temporary break from the difficult, painful childhood issues because it affects my ability to function day to day when I feel overwhelmed by the intense emotions that resurface during deep work. So I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with asking for some help with everyday stresses. There really isn't a clearly defined line between "then and now" and it's often necessary to work on both the present and the past.

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

My problem is that when I go into therapy, I tend to feel that if I can't go into some really deep conversation, that the session was a failure. She is working with me to help me feel that it is okay to talk about something that happened today, yesterday, or a week ago. I tend to think unless I am in some state of extreme emotion, I didn't do any 'work' in that session.

Yes, we absolutely go back to my childhood, teens, young adult years. We go through heartches, disappointments, abusive relationships, etc....I just feel that I need a break from that right now. She tells me something like, "We can take a break, but just know that we will come back and revisit those areas of your life that are still affecting you today."

I think she is trying to help me see that no matter how small the 'issue' is, it is not dumb, stupid, frivolous, unimportant, etc....for me to need to talk with her about it. I have a habit of 'shutting down' in therapy. This is because I either don't want to talk about something, or I don't think I have anything really that important to talk about.

For me, just being 'casual' for a little while is what I need. She agrees with me that this may be what we need to do at this point. If I can feel relaxed and comfortable in sessions, I think the really 'emotional/hard' stuff may come up on its own. I think it will surface when I least expect it. I overplan way too much. I need to let things happen a bit more naturally in sessions.

(We must have cross posted.) This is basically what I am saying. There is nothing you bring up in therapy that is too small. Just be willing to take those topics to their source if that is what needs to happen.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I have found that as I work on everyday problems and triggers in therapy, I inevitably have to delve into the older, deeper issues. The two are very much connected whether I like it or not. So, sure, go in and talk about whatever is stressing you at the moment in your everyday life, but when that leads to you past and deeper issues as it probably will with great frequency, be willing to look at those as they arise.

You sound like my therapist! This is exactly what she is telling me. Like I said, I tend to over prepare, overthink, over analyze everything. By going into therapy and talking about whatever is on my mind, I will more than likely hit on something that I need to work through (deeper issue).

Being willing to look at those as they arise is where I have some trouble. She tells me that she can see when I have hit on something. My body language changes. My expression changes. She asks me to 'go with that feeling', but I tend to shut down. I wish I didn't, but I do.

Anyway, this is where we are at in therapy. I think it is a good place. I just need to allow things to unfold naturally and not hold back when they take me to places that I have not wanted to look at.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I just need to allow things to unfold naturally and not hold back when they take me to places that I have not wanted to look at.

Fear of something, which causes you to hold back, is a useful emotion to have sometimes, and something to take into consideration, to think about, in therapy as elsewhere.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

. I just need to allow things to unfold naturally and not hold back when they take me to places that I have not wanted to look at.

Squiggle, do you trust the therapy process?

[laceylu]

I am learning that taking a break is ok. When I talk about something it usually ends up as past, present and future tense. I dissociate so then I have to deal with that. When I talked about to much at once, I took all of my anxiety medicine in 2 weeks and after that was given only 15 pills at a time. So if the issue is big I am breaking it down to small pieces so I do not freak out. I told T that was what I was doing and she is ok with that. Some days I fantasize that we just talk about stuff like friends. T wants to know about the dailies so she knows how I am behaving. So SQUIGGLE, I think that talking about daily stuff is a good thing. And I think you are right the other stuff will come up in time. Peace to you!!!!

[sunrise]

Squiggle, is there a reason you think you can't talk about everyday stuff and work on your triggers in therapy? It doesn't sound like your T has said that you must work only on deep matters from your past but that she is open to the other. You are the one keeping yourself from doing this. Why not try it a few times? Experiencing your T's openness and helpfulness with the everyday stuff and triggers will probably be reinforcing and then maybe you won't feel so pressured to do deep work every session.

I think just tell your T what you would like to work on now and go for it! If deeper issues come up later, you can return to that kind of work.

Sometimes therapy gets so intense that I have needed to have a "break" for a few sessions and work on more surface topics, which is still valuable work. And often the surface topics tend to uncover deeper things, anyway, so you get to where you need to go, in any case.

My T told me once very early in therapy that I don't need to come to therapy and "perform." By that I think he meant it doesn't have to be big, dramatic, intense, and earth-shattering each time. It can be small and sometimes that leads to the most wonderful moments and breakthroughs. Surprise! I have said more than once to T at the close of a session, "I had no idea that was going to happen today." Healing can very unexpectedly be around every corner.

[learning1]

I'm kinda opposite from u Squiggle, I'd like to talk about past events but my t's usually want to talk about current stuff I think- just a little bit of past stuff. It's not because their orientation is not to talk about past stuff- it is. They just don't lead in that direction with me.
I'm uncomfortable to tell them the past stuff I know of because I think they'll think I'm making up excuses and blaming the past, and maybe I am. So I guess I'm saying that talking about current stuff can be the harder thing to do sometimes. It seems harder to me anyway. No one except me responsible for current stuff.

[ECHOES]

Even going in and planning to keep it light can turn into an amazing and deep session. What is going on now, the everyday stuff, is where our past is reflected. We are who we are because of where we've been. It's a complex tapestry.

Originally Posted by learning1

I'm kinda opposite from u Squiggle, I'd like to talk about past events but my t's usually want to talk about current stuff I think- just a little bit of past stuff. It's not because their orientation is not to talk about past stuff- it is. They just don't lead in that direction with me.
I'm uncomfortable to tell them the past stuff I know of because I think they'll think I'm making up excuses and blaming the past, and maybe I am. So I guess I'm saying that talking about current stuff can be the harder thing to do sometimes. It seems harder to me anyway. No one except me responsible for current stuff.

We spent months and months working on the past. Hurts, disappointments, failed marriage, religious issues that caused me great turmoil, fears, etc.... Yes, we spent A LOT of time digging into the past. I hated it. I hated every minute of it until I had a breakthrough with each of them.

It was worth every heartache I had to go through by reliving those things. I still have more to work through, but I have come a very long way! Talking about my everyday life is proving to be hard as well. I keep thinking that the things I say are not that important, yet she sees them as major things. Don't really get that, but I am trusting her that this is an important stage of my therapy progress.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

We spent months and months working on the past. Hurts, disappointments, failed marriage, religious issues that caused me great turmoil, fears, etc.... Yes, we spent A LOT of time digging into the past. I hated it. I hated every minute of it until I had a breakthrough with each of them.

It was worth every heartache I had to go through by reliving those things. I still have more to work through, but I have come a very long way! Talking about my everyday life is proving to be hard as well. I keep thinking that the things I say are not that important, yet she sees them as major things. Don't really get that, but I am trusting her that this is an important stage of my therapy progress.

I think you must be really good at therapy if you had all those break throughs. I'm not that good at it. I felt a few break throughs in couples therapy, but never in individual therapy. I guess it must work differently for everyone. I'm trying not to expect big changes or break throughs now and just appreciate whatever little helpful comments I hear. I think that's good your therapist wants to talk about present and past with you.

Originally Posted by learning1

I think you must be really good at therapy if you had all those break throughs. I'm not that good at it. I felt a few break throughs in couples therapy, but never in individual therapy. I guess it must work differently for everyone. I'm trying not to expect big changes or break throughs now and just appreciate whatever little helpful comments I hear. I think that's good your therapist wants to talk about present and past with you.

It took a very long time to ever have a breakthrough. I didn't think I would ever let my guard down enough for that to happen. I asked her if she ever thought I would do that. She said, "You were pretty resistant but I was hoping!"