I always hear people talk on PC about transference and they seem to be talking about having romantic feelings towards their T. or feelings of wanting love like a child from a parent.... I was just wondering if other feelings are transference as well...

For instance, I have this cycle that goes on... I start to feel emotionally close to my T. ...then I have extreme feelings of fear of abandonment.... then I start to fight those feelings and talk about quitting.... I have done this three times now...

Is it transference that causes this fear of abandonment? Because logically I know that as long as I can pay therapist, he's going to keep seeing me.

I tried to talk to my T. about this once but he didn't seem comfortable. I sent him an email once sort of complaining/letting him know something bothered me and I ended it with please email me back to let me know you received the email and that I didn't just ruin things... During the next session he brought up the email and that specific line and said I could never ruin things but when I tried to explain why I had written it...basically wanting to talk about the fear of abandonment ....he sort of cut me short and he seemed uncomfortable...

I don't know its just become too hard/ too much ...and my H. is starting therapy with another T. in the same office for an addiction problem that I asked him to go to T. for...but now I can't afford to pay for my T. ...so it just seems like now may be the time to quit..

Could this be transference? Or is it just my serious trust issues? Are all T.'s trained to deal with transference?

[learning1]

I don't know if it's transference but it sounds like your t wasn't understanding you. Maybe you need to explain where you're coming from to him more clearly?

Also, it frustrates me when addictions get more attention than other issues, like depression, since the first tends to be men (not always of course) and the second tends to happen to women more (again, obviously not always). I hope you can find a way to keep going to your t as well as your husband.

[Sannah]

It concerns me that he was uncomfortable talking about this issue with you. You won't get far with the issue with this going on. So if your husband goes to therapy you can't? How about if one of you goes each week?

I don't think of what you explained as transference, I think of it as just what is going on with you concerning intimacy.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I always hear people talk on PC about transference and they seem to be talking about having romantic feelings towards their T. or feelings of wanting love like a child from a parent.... I was just wondering if other feelings are transference as well...

For instance, I have this cycle that goes on... I start to feel emotionally close to my T. ...then I have extreme feelings of fear of abandonment.... then I start to fight those feelings and talk about quitting.... I have done this three times now...

Is it transference that causes this fear of abandonment? Because logically I know that as long as I can pay therapist, he's going to keep seeing me.

Could this be transference? Or is it just my serious trust issues? Are all T.'s trained to deal with transference?

I'm dealing with something very similar. For about 6 months everything was fine with T as we were dealing with something in my current life. Once that was resolved, and we started discussing my family of origin and doing dream work, things got .... strange. I knew there was something going on at an unconscious level that I couldn't identify. I started feeling like I was resisting or fighting something a few hours before each session. I also had the distinct impression that I was losing this unconscious battle. Then I started picking up lots of negative emotions from him (anger, disappointment, annoyance) and feeling very uncertain of him. I was expecting abandonment at any time. Since when???? This is the same exact T who I was fine with for 6 months, and now suddenly he's changed? I don't think so.

These feelings that I'm supposedly picking up from him are the exact same ones I would get from my father. Hmmmm ..... I'm becoming more and more convinced that in my mind T is turning into my father! Ugh. Transference, anyone?? I'm only with him 50 min a week, and the rest of the time is my memory of how he looked and acted. I keep thinking he was sitting there glowering at me, because that's how I remember it. Really? There's something fishy going on here, and I'll be discussing it with him.

But yes, I think I've transferred my feelings about my father to him, and I'm expecting him to behave the way my father would. That's the only explanation that makes sense.

And as you said, readytostop, this happened at the exact same time that I started to feel emotionally close to him. As long as I felt emotionally distanced from him, everything was fine. But once a feeling of intimacy crept in, blam! I just want to run away.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

For instance, I have this cycle that goes on... I start to feel emotionally close to my T. ...then I have extreme feelings of fear of abandonment.... then I start to fight those feelings and talk about quitting.... I have done this three times now...

I don't know if this is transference or not, but it happens to me all them time.

I idealise the relationship (and the therapist) and then get disappointed.
I feel this as rejection and abandonment.

[Wren_]

I wonder also with transference. I've repeated a similar cycle many, many times and like you have known logically that if I kept paying there would be no reason for him to leave and yet the extreme fear of abandonment repeatedly reoccurs. I suppose there are elements of transference in there? as far as, that others have hurt or left or rejected us and yet with T's it can seem so much stronger and our fears get so magnified and there is such emotional turmoil and yet through all of this, we continue with it. I'm sorry your T won't talk about this with you though; talking about these feelings is a big part of the help your T can provide and it helps to work through it Quitting doesn't sound good either any chance you can continue?

[ECHOES]

It sounds like attachment, the approach/avoid cycle that I get in myself.
I think it there is so much to learn from it, and it is part of learning about intimacy.