[pbutton]

It was a rough session with a super-rough ending.

The good and the bad:

• I didn't freak out in the waiting room, despite forgetting my iPod.
• T said he'd be able to fit me in for twice monthly appointments and I now have 2 future appts scheduled. (I know this was something I needed to ask for, but I get no credit, as he read between the lines and offered.)
• T asked me if he could schedule me for a Pdoc appointment. I declined. I am meds-phobic. I should probably work on this.
• T tried to help me come up with a plan of what I wanted to achieve in therapy. I'm a little blurry on this part of the session. I know he kept asking me what I wanted from therapy and at one point I had two answers and tossed them both aside and blurted out "I don't know" instead.
• T also explained to me that in order for therapy to work I needed to find a way to let go of this thing I am doing where I am trying to push him away. This may be the hardest thing I do in therapy. I have moments where I don't even want to change this behavior. I see the need to change it, so I still have a little bit of hope.
• T gave me several printouts on change and emotional maturity. I haven't managed to bring them in from my car yet.
• T and I had a giant misunderstanding right before I left. He kept saying I could call and I kept telling him I'd never call. I was trying to tell him that I hate the phone and don't call anyone if I can help it. He responded by asking me if I was telling him we were done with therapy. I blew up. Sometimes when a patient says they won't call, they mean they WON'T CALL ON THE PHONE. No secret meaning. It was not a good ending. I am trying hard to remember that it is a misunderstanding. I stormed out. I did wait for him to open the door for me though.

[likewater]

Im proud of you for going. You did extremely well. And you were super honest, and did a lot of hard work. :-)

[Chopin99]

I'm sorry you and T had a misunderstanding, but you handled your session well and did some good work. Way to go!

[learning1]

Sometimes maybe being able to show t you're upset is better than not being able to show any feelings at all? I'm not sure. i hope so since that's what I showed my t last time.

I liked this part of what you said best
"T also explained to me that in order for therapy to work I needed to find a way to let go of this thing I am doing where I am trying to push him away. This may be the hardest thing I do in therapy. I have moments where I don't even want to change this behavior. I see the need to change it, so I still have a little bit of hope."

[stopdog]

I think it was good you went and survived. For what little it means, I explode when the t misunderstands like yours did at the end. And the whole not pushing away thing too. If they are going to tell one not to do it, I think they need to have a plan to help the person not do it. I might even agree some(maybe, perhaps, not really going to commit to this completely) with the idea and yet have absolutely no idea how to go about it.

I'm so glad you had the strength to go. I remember earlier in the week you were hoping you could hold on to your determination to go until Thursday, and you did! I think you're being a little hard on yourself in evaluating the session. It's my belief that no matter how badly the session goes, it's all grist for the mill, all something to learn from. Even the misunderstanding - you recognized it, and will probably try to be clearer in the future.

Notice that your T repeated back to you what his understanding was of what you were saying, and you realized that he was not getting the message you intended. This is a good skill to have in real life, to avoid misunderstandings. Don't feel bad that there was a misunderstanding - be glad that T acted in such way to reveal the misunderstanding at the time it occurred, instead of both of you going your separate ways with a completely different interpretation.

Anyway, congrats!

Great job on the session, and UGH on the ending. I hate ending on a bad note. You were able to clarify what you meant though, right?

[pbutton]

I have some responses to add, but I'm starting to get myself all worked up at work. I'll check back later. I do appreciate the replies very much.

[unaluna]

So glad that you went! Sorry it felt like a rough session. Am a bit surprised that he took you saying you'd never call as you threatening to end therapy. I understand about feeling ambivalent about whether you want to stop pushing T away. In schema therapy this mode is called the 'detached protector' and it is there because it was useful for survival in the past. So it's totally understandable if part of you still feels like you need it, or it's still helpful...

[yang0868]

pbutton: I'm so sorry T and you had a misunderstanding. I had one with my T on Wednesday and she didn't even realize it which hurts like heck! I'm so proud of you though for going to your appt. It's just too bad that it ended that way.

[roads]

pbutton, it was touch-&-go--but I you pulled it out. Your T demonstrated awareness/sensitivity. It may be hard to go back, I hope not, but you've lay down a good foundation to build on.

Good for you.

Take good care of yourself.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Ooooh Improving - thanks

take this >> Am a bit surprised that he took you saying you'd never call as you threatening to end therapy.
combined with this
>> I understand about feeling ambivalent about whether you want to stop pushing T away.

and suddenly I saw it in a new light. Pbutton, could it be that yr T was trying to clarify in your mind that you DO want to continue (to resove your ambivalence) by presenting the worst case scenario. I have had that technique (sorry but that was what it was in my case) used on me maybe twice. I don't actually see this as manipulation, more as an assist to me so I can make up my mind for myself. just thinkin...

[pbutton]

I am still taking in everything. There's some really good stuff here. I'm still processing my session & all of these comments. Thank you all.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by pbutton

T and I had a giant misunderstanding right before I left. He kept saying I could call and I kept telling him I'd never call. I was trying to tell him that I hate the phone and don't call anyone if I can help it. He responded by asking me if I was telling him we were done with therapy. I blew up. Sometimes when a patient says they won't call, they mean they WON'T CALL ON THE PHONE. No secret meaning. It was not a good ending. I am trying hard to remember that it is a misunderstanding. I stormed out. I did wait for him to open the door for me though.

Painful. But there's still time to make this right. Misunderstandings happen in even the best relationships.

[unaluna]

what learning1 said, I like that best too.

[rainbow_rose]

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think they need to have a plan to help the person not do it. I might even agree some(maybe, perhaps, not really going to commit to this completely) with the idea and yet have absolutely no idea how to go about it.

I am going to ask him for a plan next time because I sure can't figure out how to do it on my own. I did notice I kept mentally repeating the same 2 issues from the session over and over. It finally occurred to me to ask myself why I was focusing on just those two problems. The instant answer was because those were the two things that actually went wrong, and not part of the 4700 other evil things I was trying to thrust upon him. It was a lightbulb moment for me. Even deep deep down where I want to act like I hate everything he does, there's a touch of reality in there as well.

And I have to admit I was a bit surprised to see you say you'd possibly agree to to the idea of this type of change, stopdog. I do totally understand the "maybe, perhaps, not really going to commit" part of your comment. I'm right there with you. I can decide I want this for about 5 minutes and then every pore of my being wants to rebel. I do think actually hitting 5 minutes is probably an accomplishment for me at this point.

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

It's my belief that no matter how badly the session goes, it's all grist for the mill, all something to learn from.

Notice that your T repeated back to you what his understanding was of what you were saying, and you realized that he was not getting the message you intended.

I especially needed to hear these two things, thank you. I do need to learn to react better to the misunderstanding because I did not handle it well at all.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Great job on the session, and UGH on the ending. I hate ending on a bad note. You were able to clarify what you meant though, right?

Um, no, not really. I started to explain, said no, then changed mid-sentence to a very angry "Maybe I AM done", got up, put on my coat, started freaking out because I NEVER stand up in there like that and I missed my chair. We had some conversation that I don't remember very well... he asked if he could make me a pdoc appt, I declined. He was being terribly slow and I wanted him to hurry up. He may have been trying to help me calm down. I am not exactly sure what he was doing. I hopped around, he kept talking and then finally handed me appt reminder so I could leave. Not one of my proudest moments. Ugh. I remember him telling me to have a good workout at the gym.

Originally Posted by Improving

So glad that you went! Sorry it felt like a rough session. Am a bit surprised that he took you saying you'd never call as you threatening to end therapy. I understand about feeling ambivalent about whether you want to stop pushing T away. In schema therapy this mode is called the 'detached protector' and it is there because it was useful for survival in the past. So it's totally understandable if part of you still feels like you need it, or it's still helpful...

I've been doing quite a bit of reading on detatched protector after reading your post, thank you so much.