Torn between honesty and embarrassment

So I've decided to write my T an e-mail telling her the things I'm most uncomfortable talking about - that I feel very attached to her, constantly think of her/miss her between sessions and have no idea how to make it through her upcoming vacation (three weeks without her!).

This might seem like an easy task, considering we already talked about my romantic feelings for her and she was perfectly fine with it, but... I don't know. A part of me really wants to talk more about these feelings, because I think the more I'll get it off my chest and get her feedback, the better I'll be able to deal with it.
But there's also my good old low self-esteem and embarrassment/shame about these things. I'd probably instantly regret sending this mail and wouldn't know how to face her afterwards... even though it would probably be good for me in the long run.

So I want... I don't know, motivation? Encouraging words? Hugs? I'm not sure, but it sure feels good to get this off my chest.

You can do this~! If you're like me - Once it's out there, it's out there. If it feels good to get it off your chest with us, imagine how good it will feel to get it off your chest with T.

Screenager. I know exactly what you're going through except for the romantic feelings part. Have you read my thread titled "Determination?" It revolves around me telling my T that miss her besides other things. I think you really need to talk to your T about these feelings. I just believe that if thoughts - good or bad continue to pop in our minds- they are meant to be talked about- it's all in how it is brought about. IMO, it's the best thing I've done for myself in therapy. If you were able to tell your T about your romantic feelings and T was so accepting, I'm sure it will be the same when you talk about your attachment to T.

One common theme on this forum is that people regret sending emails.
Would it be easier to discuss this in person? Your T might prefer that anyway.

I just did that myself. I wrote to my T first and then we spoke about it in a session. It was hard, I did feel embarrassed and nervous but I went away feeling better than ever. There really is such relief in getting something so honest and pressing off your chest and out in the open.

You can do it You are not alone in how you feel, and your T has definitely heard this before from other people. It will be a great opportunity to talk about it and I'm sure your t will be accepting and understanding and help you feel comfortable. Good luck!

Like I said, knowing myself, I would probably regret it very much at first. But this is just something I know I wouldn't be able to say in person. I've also implied this to my T, who said that mails, notes, whatever is fine. (I also started another thread on the "note" topic, but currently I think I'll go with an email.) When I told her I might write an email this week she even said she'd look forward to it.

I think she understands that there are things I'd like to share but feel uncomfortable about, so she'll probably be happy if I'm getting it out no matter how.

I think you will feel better after sending the email. I've sent my T many embarrassing emails and am relieved when I know she's read the "worst" and is prepared for me to discuss it in my session. You're going to be embarrassed anyway, so the way I look at it, it's easier to get the telling started in the email so I can overcome some of the initial embarrassment. Our Ts are used to hearing our feelings about them. I usually don't like when I think that I'm my T's job, but it's also reassuring to know that she does this all day long and it IS her job to help us accept our embarrassing issues.

I'm having MAJOR problems with my pdoc at the moment, but have decided, if it's ever going to improve, I have to lay all of my cards on the table. I've decided to write a letter to give to her at the start of my appt next week, that we can then talk about. I know if I don't have the letter that I won't be able to say everything that I want to say because I'll be terrified and want to clam up. I know it will be AWFUL talking about it, but I'm hoping that we can then move on and work well together once she knows how I feel and what I'm frustrated with in our relationship. I do have her email address because she sent me some info a few years ago, but it wouldn't feel right to email her when she hasn't said I could.

I think that as long as you are prepared to discuss what you've written, your T should be fine. I wish you luck! I am currently TERRIFIED at the thought of my pdoc appt and I still have a week of escalating anxiety to go yet

All the best!

*Willow*

I often cringe when I send T emails, but it does actually help. Writing it out helps me express it better. T has called it helpful as well.

If your T is happy with e-mailing, go for it! I first disclosed stuff about my T that I just could not say in a 3-page letter, and brought it to him to read. He didn't read that one in front of me, but he has read other things in front of me. In any case, sometimes writing just helps a lot.

Good for you for getting it out there. It will suck at first, but you WILL feel better. Just think about how ok she was with your romantic feelings, and also what she said about looking forward to getting a message from you. This stuff is really important, and the more information you can give her, the richer the work will be.

You can do it!

I'm currently drafting an honest email full of self-deprecating humor, which I hope she'll appreciate. Yeah... basically I feel like I've got nothing to lose, so I just write whatever comes up.
Thanks for your input everyone.

This is the first I have heard of folks having an e-mail address for their T. Is this commonplace and how long has the practice been in place?
A wise woman once told me never to write anything I would not want read out in court or printed in the paper. (That was wayyy before the internet! ) I agree it's so much easier for me to communicate in writing but our body language needs to be read by our Ts, as it is the holds the most weight when we communicate. For example, at my last session my legs were positioned with one firmly rooted in front of me and the other upside down and hanging back under the chair. Points to ambivalence or hesitatiton on my part. He would never have gotten that in a written note. Yes it can be gut wrenching at times to divulge stuff but the irony is that's the best place to do it in.

I don't know if it's commonplace. At the beginning of therapy my T gave me her card which had an email address on it, and she later stated that I could email her when I felt the need to.

I do very well with emailing T the hard topics and then we discuss in person. The best of both worlds. I can express myself clearly in writing. Generally the first time I try to talk about hard stuff, it comes out like I've just barely started to learn basic sentence structure.

I just sent the e-mail. It's embarrassing and weird; I feel like an idiot and I have no idea how I will summon up the courage to read her eventual reply and even come into therapy on Monday, but it's out there now.
I wasn't as open and honest as I would've liked to be, but I'm taking baby steps here.

Great work!! Baby steps are progress too

I've never yet seen anyone post: "My email communications with T are totally satisfactory."

Good for you Screenager. I have had, and still have embarrassing feelings towards T. But, what I'm starting to realize is that the pain of keeping it in is way worse than the actual telling of it. I hope you find the same true for you.