As many of you know, I lost my dad three months ago. I've always been quite close to my father in law (actually my husband's step father) as well. Almost immediately after my dad's death, my father in law became ill. Now, we're sitting with him as he slowly slowly is shutting down. I had therapy today. My t is also my father in law's therapist. So t knows what is going on with f-in-law. T asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I couldn't. T pointed out I was losing one of the only people in my life who had "ever adored" me completely and who had given me what I needed from a parent. Still couldn't talk about it.

My t told me that my father in law told our t that he could tell me how much my father in law adored me; how important I was to him. Still mute on the subject. T says that it's fine for me to be "self protective" but . . . Probably one of the most important events in my life and I'm silent.

[karebear1]

I'm sorry about the loss of your father and your FIL's illness now. I lost my sister last fall and I still have had no reaction. I don't know if that is unusual at all. I'm just numb about everything, as I'm sure you are too. Don't be too hard on yourself. You need room and connection to people that love and care about you. You're ever so lucky that your FIL loves you so much. Hold onto it, treasure it and inhale it while you can.

Take care of you MKAC.

[CantExplain]

[SoupDragon]

I am sorry about your father-in-laws illness. Do you know why you are so silent about it with your t?

Soup

[sittingatwatersedge]

>> Probably one of the most important events in my life and I'm silent. '

No, sweetie, you're not silent; you know how he feels, and you spoke about it to all of us; if there is external silence other times, there is deep knowledge and feeling on the inside. You're doing fine.

[elliemay]

wow. Grief, IMO, can be the single most overwhelming emotion because there absolutely no way the situation surrounding it can be changed.

I'm so sorry for your recent loss and the one pending.

I also completely understand why and how you would chose to be mute about it. I imagine it is very hard to open your mind to what is happening without fearing a dam of emotion will burst.

You will speak when you are ready.

Grief takes many forms, and we all get to experience it the way we want. I definitely wouldn't put any pressure at all on yourself to speak unless and until you want to.

Peace to you.

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My t told me that my father in law told our t that he could tell me how much my father in law adored me; how important I was to him. Still mute on the subject. T says that it's fine for me to be "self protective" but . . . Probably one of the most important events in my life and I'm silent.

Just because something is very important, doesn't mean that there should also be lots of words to describe it. It's ok that the words aren't there -- grief can be silent.

When my grandmother died it was extremely hard on me, yet whenever anyone asked if I wanted to talk about it, I really had nothing to say. My grief came out in other ways. The words didn't come until years later -- and I've found that the people who love you will still be willing to listen.

[healed84]

I get the feeling.. I really do. I had a close friend pass away three years ago, and as I could talk about the details of her passing, what happened, and how tragic it was. I could not convey any of the feelings that I have been having about the whole situation. Sometimes, there are no words, I think eventually the words will come. And in the mean time, I think your T will push ever so gently to see if you have found those words yet. (((hugs))) hang in there!

[granite1]

[gma45]

I read your post and I can totally relate. I lost my dad 3 years ago, it is hard. I don't have any answers, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with these feelings.

Silence can say a lot. Grief comes out in different ways. Hugs.

I think one of the hardest things about grief is all the expectations we load on ourselves about our reactions. We feel like we should cry, or talk about it, or feel x, y, or z at the exact specific time that is culturally acceptable. Mostly, it doesn't work like this, and that's OK! If it takes 3 days or 3 months or 3 decades to get through grief, it's OK.

I'm really sorry for your loss, and all that you're going through.