[granite1]

i don't know what went on but she was so nice today.i didn't know what to expect.in fact i thought she would cancel because of snow.when i got there she was downstairs at the desk.she opened the door for me and said, HI granite first off she never talks to outside of the office.but then she said she would be right back to get me and left.she came back in 5 min to get me.why does she always have to be 5 min late and what did she leave to do .anyway.she was just really nice during this session.she asked about my trip and i was able to talk.i told her that my son was his old self and all . i even was able to tell her some about what i learned about re-entry syndrome.she didn't tell me that my thoughts were wrong and that made me feel good.she was smiley and kind of light heartedand it felt good.i mean we didn't get into a bunch of deep misery and it felt great.we did talk about my step mother and her smoking and how unhealthy it was for me and my inability to say no to just about anyone .that i need to work on not worrying about getting people angry at me,or hurting there feelings.like my stepmother didn't give a crap that she was getting me sick with her smoking.that i need to say no to her.i said i never want to travel with her again and my T was cute because she said she was going to draw up a contract and hold me to that.i mean she was joking but she was serious about the being able to say no to others.she asked me if i ever say no or if i feel i need to always say yes.i didn't know how to answer.so i said maybe.the time went bye way fast .i was even able to look at her.in fact i found myself looking down at the carpet and i didn't want to be i actually wanted to look at her.she seemed to have a very kind face today.not very scary.i really don't know what made the difference but it was nice to be able to really look at her and not be scared.and i didn't seem to care if she looked at me either..i just can't say how comfortable it was. when it was time for me to leave she said that she would see me next wed and then told me she was going to be gone on the 21 of march.i said she better write it down.she then said that we had three weeks and i said ya sure until in two weeks i tell her she never said anything she than jokingly said it OK I'm taping it and smiled.it was so nice when i am able to joke around a little with her.she didn't get mad at me.she understood. i wonder if she would stay this way if i ever figured out a way to talk to her about my past

[ECHOES]

What a great session, granite! I'm glad it felt so good to you, that you could take that in and keep talking These are sessions to cherish!

[rainbow8]

granite, I was smiling all through the time I was reading your post!!! What a great session! I could tell how calm you were, and how comfortable you felt with your T. That's so wonderful! I've got to put in those icons right here! I actually think that your T may always have had a nice, smiling face but you didn't see it as such. Yes, I think she will be just as nice, caring, and compassionate when you talk about your past.

[beautiful.mess]

Yay! I'm so happy it went well for you. I can completely relate to your inability to say "no"....that's a big deal that you told her! It may not be "heavy" but it is a bigger deal than I think we give ourselves credit for. Very happy for you....

[pbutton]

I am really glad you had a great session granite. I second everything that rainbow said & I was also grinning the entire time I read your post.

[learning1]

Wow, that's great Granite. I love how when there's a good session, it's easier to think of talking about difficult things we know we might need to talk about.

[FourRedheads]

Oh Granite, this is great! I am so happy for you that you had a nice, comfortable session. Your T sounds great. I also can relate to not being able to say "no." So good you told your T this!

[granite1]

i kind of knew i had a hard time saying no but i wish she would give me the secrete to being able to say it.i told he that i was scared people would be mad at me,hate me,or be hurt by me and i just am not that kind of person.i hate it when i hurt people or when someone is angry with me.i don't see the point that it just makes things worse. i told her like in the situation with my step mom.no i didn't like the smoking but telling her not to smoke would have made things worse because with her smoking and me keeping my mouth shut only hurts me.if i tell her that i would rather her not smoke she would get med at me and cause anger and hurt,now no she wouldn't smoke but she would be angry at me and hurt and now i am smoke free but hurt and feeling horrible.in the first situation only i am affected in the second one we are both affected.so i choose the first scenario.that is just me.i wish i could allow it the other way around but i cant

[shoez]

yay im so happy you had a good T session just reading it made me have this goofy smile on my face haha. its nice ...Your T sounds like she knows you well and is close to you
Its nice to read *good T session* posts too
thanks for sharing

[karebear1]

Gosh granite- I'm seeing some real progress happening here. Isn't it funny how , when we look back, we were so scared to say or do some things in T? ANd then we take this little baby step (That feels like the worlds biggest giant step) and it goes right and things start to change for us/ The next hard thing comes up- we say it, and things work out ok.... and so on and so on. Now, you spend a whole appointment with T enjoying her company and wanting to look at her! MY HECK!!! You did look at her! Progress granite- progress!!!!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by granite1

if i tell her that i would rather her not smoke she would get med at me and cause anger and hurt,now no she wouldn't smoke but she would be angry at me and hurt and now i am smoke free but hurt and feeling horrible.in the first situation only i am affected in the second one we are both affected.so i choose the first scenario.that is just me.i wish i could allow it the other way around but i cant

Yeah - except it's not a math problem, upsetting one person is better than upsetting two. So mostly now I avoid people (ie my stupid family) who put me in this position, because I CAN'T stay calm and ignore my feelings anymore, not since T started treating me like I matter. I can't THINK these things out anymore. I USED to think like that, and explain it to previous T's, but they would tell me my so-called logic sucked. NOW I understand why. So yeah, I wouldn't hassle with the stepmother either over something like this, except I really can't be around cigarette smoke, it's instant pneumonia for me. SO HARD!!!

[Chopin99]

My dear granite, it is nice to see that you had a great session! Definitely made me smile!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

granite, I was smiling all through the time I was reading your post!!! What a great session! I could tell how calm you were, and how comfortable you felt with your T. That's so wonderful! I've got to put in those icons right here! I actually think that your T may always have had a nice, smiling face but you didn't see it as such. Yes, I think she will be just as nice, caring, and compassionate when you talk about your past.

Rainbow said it for me too Granite. I was so happy to read your post.

[WikidPissah]

that's awesome granite, I hope it becomes a trend for you

[Sannah]

Granite, I get the feeling that the session was better and you saw your T as friendly because something changed in you. Something changed with you so that you had less transference and projection and you could see your T for who she really was. Plus if you arrive really fearful and slightly freaked out you will affect how your T responds to you. How we are, affects others.

I think that if you keep working on the saying no and why you can't say it you will get somewhere eventually. You have really good insight into it now. Keep working!