[CandelariaMeadow]

My new T wants me to 'sit with the pain' and not change the subject whenever I mention any childhood abuse or trauma.

I told her I could sit here and cry all session, every session for the next 6 months, but that will not change how awful I feel. I said I've cried, I've journaled, I've written poems -- and I never feel better.

I am not sure what she is wanting me to DO in therapy. How does one sit with the pain, cry, feel crappy in therapy and somehow successfully move on? Does anyone have any ideas or stories to share with me on how you meet head-on those horrible childhood memories.. so that your T is satisfied you have sat with the memories and processed them?

I'm so lost ! Please help! thanks

[stopdog]

I have no advice but the one I see keeps telling me I sound like a robot when talking about some things. I have no feelings about the various incidents at all. I have no idea how to talk about them differently or know what itis she is looking for and the therapist has, at least thus far, no explanation for how to do it differently. So the whole what to do in therapy mystery I do understand. i am sorry for your pain and I hope someone here or your therapist can explain it better so you can move on.

[Hope-Full]

I can relate Candelaria. My T frequently tells me the same thing - that too often I try to intellectualize the pain away instead of sitting with it and feeling it in a safe space, and letting it go naturally instead of trying to avoid it.

I have cried and cried and cried the last few months, both in therapy and at home. T told me that when the tears come (and it's appropriate to do so, like not when I'm at work) to just let them come. T suggested I journal, just writing whatever comes to mind, even if it makes no sense at all. Journaling when crying doesn't really seem to help me, either, but T assured me that eventually, the tears will be less, the pain will be less, and the words will make sense as to why the tears are there.

The biggest thing I think T wants from me, at least, is to not try and think my way out of the emotions surrounding the painful memories. Not sure how to do that fully yet, but I'm trying.

Good luck to you...

[catweezle]

my instant reflex is to bolt and run when with my T its wierd i know but they all want blood from a stone. Its hard to sit with it. especially when you just want to run for your life. This is because it is what we are used to doing!!!!!!Today is bad i dont want to wash or dress and im supposed to be gyming it. wish me luck! thanks

[CandelariaMeadow]

Thank you Stopdog & Hope-Full. Yes, it seems none of us is really feeling the pain, perhaps? You both speak of sounding robot-like or intellectualizing the pain. I do cry when I talk of it ..tho that doesnt seems to be enough for her. I really appreciate you reaching out to me on these forums as I seem so alone in whats going on in therapy -- the mystery of it all --of what she is wanting from me.

I feel less alone, bless you for that! * Gentle hugs to you both, if that's ok.

I don't know. I've been in therapy for six and a half years and I still can't figure this one out. I've heard, though, that sometimes the only way out of the pain is to go through the pain.

[Nelliecat]

I too haven't yet worked out how to sit with the pain, feel the pain and process it so it lessens and becomes easier. I've been seeing my T for just over a year so I'd say I'm still relatively new. Maybe it would depend on how good you are at stuffing the feelings down and how accessible they are. I know I'm very good at that

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by CandelariaMeadow

My new T wants me to 'sit with the pain' and not change the subject whenever I mention any childhood abuse or trauma. I told her I could sit here and cry all session, every session for the next 6 months, but that will not change how awful I feel.

(((((((((((((((((((((( CM )))))))))))))))))))))

..... how do you know it will not change how awful you feel?

All those other things you mentioned, crying, journaling, etc, you did all of those alone. It's said that trauma, which happened with another person, cannot be undone unless with another person. That is **** scary and hard, but if it's true, that's yr way out. To look at it along with an Enlightened Witness.

The worst parts of that in my past still hurt yes - they will never be good memories, always cruel ones - but I have to admit that they don't have the power over me that they had; why else except that some healing has gone on. it takes time.

I'm sorry it hurts so much. Can you be brave enough to give yr T's way a try?

[WantingtoHeal]

I have trouble with this too. However, I am not connected with the past. I can't cry. I'm just the observer reporting what I know of the past. How to sit with the pain?? That's a mystery to me. I'm sorry I'm not of more help, but I do think I understand what you are saying. For me, the pain is in the depression and anxiety of today. Once I walk into that therapy room, though, I don't seem to feel anything except discomfort at being there.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by CandelariaMeadow

Does anyone have any ideas or stories to share with me on how you meet head-on those horrible childhood memories.. so that your T is satisfied you have sat with the memories and processed them?

It's not your T you have to satisfy. It's yourself that benefits from the processing. It wouldn't do much good if you satisfied your T but were still unsatisfied yourself.

For things that are stuck, we may need additional help with processing. My T uses EMDR for that purpose. He says it is faster and that he prefers to help clients quickly (if they are up to it). He said that with EMDR he can help clients in a fraction of the time it would take with regular talk therapy (maybe years) and he hates to see clients suffer for so long.

It sounds like you don't want to spend 6 months crying everyday in therapy but are ready to move more quickly. How about asking your T how she can help you more quickly instead of the slow route? Maybe you could try EMDR, which is supposed to shake difficult memories loose so they can be more readily processed. If she doesn't do that technique, you could get a referral to someone who does. Or your T may have other techniques she can use with you if she is not trained in that one. There are a number of techniques that can facilitate processing.

I agree very much with what SAWE wrote about doing this work with another person. Journaling helped me process a lot too, but doing trauma work with T was very different from trying to heal all on my own. Our work together reached a deeper place.

I think it would be very helpful to you to discuss with your T the benefits of what she is suggesting, how it is supposed to work, and alternative approaches. And maybe just give what she suggests a go for a few sessions. You think that sitting together with T while you cry about your past and feel your pain and grief will not help. But maybe it will.

[CandelariaMeadow]

Thank you everyone that responded, it helps me feel welcomed here at PsychCentral

I'm sorry to hear its a mystery to some of you too, who have been in therapy awhile. I will try however my T wants to do this.. it doesnt seem logical to me that things will change if I spend my sessions crying and feeling utterly horrid -- but I just dont know how its to be done. I worry if I can handle the stress. I see her on Friday and hopefully some of the mystery as to how to sit with the pain will unravel and I'll feel a bit more hope-full than miserable than I felt when I left her office the last time. I will keep you updated. Thank you so much, again, for caring & reaching out to me.