[WantingtoHeal]

I'm just wanting to write because I'm scared and frustrated. I feel like I just can't communicate with my T. It's not her. It's me. I just can't do it. I feel like her expectations of me are high - or higher than I can accomplish any time soon. But, I can't tell her this. I can't tell her what's going on with me. I walk in there and clam up. She wants to help me, I can feel that. I just don't feel like I'm ever going to get any better and I almost want her to quit trying. I just want somewhere to go to sit for an hour to feel safe for an hour, for someone to listen to me. I don't think talking about my past is going to do anything.

I can't even get things straight in my head any more because of my feelings for her. And I can't seem to tell her about them no matter how hard I try. I can barely talk at all to her. I shut down at the slightest thing.

I am confused. Today, I tried to read my letter to a past perp and and she wanted it to empower me, to give me a voice. And I just feel like I couldn't connect at all. She said I was feeling. I just feel like I didn't do a very good job. And that's crazy. It's for me, not her, but I can't do it for me.

I just want to give up. It's all so confusing to me. I want to start over and not have any CSA or abuse mentioned at all.

WTH

[Midnightmoon]

I've felt the same way about most of my therapists in life. I try to get a new one and they say 'no you have to stick with this one because it is part of your issues that you need to work it out with this person." I think thats bull......have you tried a new therapist? I just found 2 new counsulars, and I can talk to them better than I ever have been able to talk to anyone in a long time. Well, still getting to know them, but it is going a lot faster!

[CantExplain]

((WantingToHeal))

Well, you've opened the can, so you might as well keep shaking until all the worms are out.

[retro_chic]

Are you able to email her or give her a letter or something? I too have trouble talking to my T but I have found that sending emails has helped. It has helped keep me feeling connected with her between sessions and it also acts as a conversation starter for when I next see her. If your T doesn't allow emails, maybe you could print out what you have written here and give it to her? I know it is hard but it is only going to get harder if you don't communicate with her. I am fairly sure everyone who has seen a therapist feels this way at some point so your T will not think you are unusual or strange for feeling this way I promise you! Good luck!

[WantingtoHeal]

Thank you for responses. I will try harder.

WTH

[pbutton]

I have this same problem. I can talk to him in my head just fine. Then I get there & nothing comes out of my mouth.



My plan right now is to keep trying. It's all I can come up with.

[Dreamy01]

I feel almost exactly like this. Some sessions are easier than others, but I certainly recognise that place of being unable to communicate with T. It's almost like being stuck inside yourself while T drones on about 'getting better' and 'achievements' and all that malarky. I really feel for you in this and would encourage you to communicate in any way you can, whether via email or giving her a letter. Personally, I find it impossible to express myself when I'm in a childlike, shut down place.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Thank you for responses. I will try harder.

Just a thought - maybe it's not about trying harder, maybe it's about trying differently. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard you try to do something, it's just not possible for you right then. That's when you have to figure out a way to achieve the results you want by doing something different.

Perhaps the first step might be to try talking to your T about your struggles with communicating with them. They may have some ideas for trying differently.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

I tried to read my letter to a past perp and and she wanted it to empower me, to give me a voice. And I just feel like I couldn't connect at all. She said I was feeling. I just feel like I didn't do a very good job.

Are you worried about doing a good job?

I think that it is common for a person to speak about abuse in session and at first to not feel connected to it. One step at a time. Just being able to talk about it is a good first step. It would probably be too overwhelming if you had to feel connected to it at first in session too.

You are doing a good job.