[Emptty]

I email him every day, text back and forth a few times a week about one or two phone calls a week on top of the normal two sessions a week. I feel like I'm bothering him but he encourages it.

How often do you guys contact yours?
Have they ever set a limit?
Opinion on increase contact - I think its increased the abandonment issues!

[BlessedRhiannon]

It depends on how my week is going. Sometimes, I have zero contact inbetween sessions. Sometimes, just a single email. This week, I needed some help, so it was a few text messages back and forth, and two emails (all yesterday...it was a bad day) and my T offered a phone call if I needed it.

Generally, it's just a single email between sessions. I worry about bugging my T, but she's reassured me that she will let me know if I'm over stepping any bounds.

So far only once a week at my normal appointment. She has told me I can call in between if I need to but I haven't gotten the nerve yet though I have wanted to a couple times. I have this thing about calling on the phone lol. She knows better than to give me an email address..... I wish I could email mine though!

[retro_chic]

I see my T fortnightly and sometimes send her an email in between sessions if I am struggling or if there was something I forgot to mention last session. She said I can call her as well if I need to but I hate talking to people on the phone.

[mommyof2girls]

For me, I usually don't contact her between weekly sessions.... ( but we have an aggreement that if I feel like I am going to want to contact my ex t, I can call her instead ) ......

Maybe twice a month I call and it feels like way too much.

[nicoleb2]

For me, it depends on the week. Sometimes not at all, other times just about every day, sometimes multiple times in a day

[sconnie892]

I have no between session contacts with t and sessions are every two weeks. We've never discussed it, but I know the website for the practice says something about a charge for "extended" phone calls. I think the no contact has forced me to work through issues between session by myself, but there have been sometimes that an email or call with t between would have been very helpful and saved me a lot of pain and anxiety.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Emptty

I email him every day, text back and forth a few times a week about one or two phone calls a week on top of the normal two sessions a week. I feel like I'm bothering him but he encourages it.

How often do you guys contact yours?
Have they ever set a limit?
Opinion on increase contact - I think its increased the abandonment issues!

I don't contact my pdocs or therapist at all between sessions. I see my pdocs every few weeks. And I see my therapist as often as once a week, and as little as once a month, depending on how busy I am and how I'm doing. Personally, I like it this way.

[rainboots87]

When I'm really struggling, I've called or texted a few times in utter distress, which is why I eventually asked or more frequent sessions. Instead of our once a week, we alternate once a week and twice a week. I used to call her more, but now I really try to handle things on my own. I want to show her and myself that I can do it. I only have a couple more months before I move away, so I'm trying to take more responsibility. Plus, I think my current balance of meds (finally!!!!) has really helped curb my anxiety, which gives me the chance to practice applying skills on my own.

Several times a day... Sometimes we email for awhile back and forth, 1 or 2 sessions a week as time permits. We will face time this week...and call...as out of town....he said email all i want.

Sometimes never, but often at least one email per week. He has never set a limit. It's okay for me to email as much as I want and I think I'd have to do way, way more than what I do for it to ever be a problem.

[sunrise]

I see my T every 2-3 weeks. We do not have contact between sessions unless I need to cancel or reschedule our appointment. I feel very comfortable with our current level of contact.

I see T usually once a week, but it varies with how I'm doing. Usually I don't contact him at all between sessions, but if I'm in crisis I feel free to call him and generally has me come in for an extra session. He prefers to handle things face to face when things are that bad. He does not offer email or texting contact which is fine with me. I really hate email and texting as ways to try to handle communication for anything other than literal/business correspondence. Basically I work to handle things on my own between sessions; that's how I learn to use my coping skills and keep a sense of autonomy.

[healed84]

Currently I see T once a week and if I am having a tough week and he has time in his schedule I have seen him twice in one week. I can call in between sessions. Sometimes, I call him once a week, sometimes I don't at all. Actually, I went in to my appointment on Tuesday and one of the first things he said was you didn't call me this week, why is that? LOL... he knew that I was having a hard time and knew that I was trying not to call him b/c I preceive myself as too needy or over stepping boundraies and he is trying to make it very clear that I am not.. and that he will tell me if I am getting close to that limit. We do not e-mail or text at all.

Originally Posted by Emptty

I email him every day, text back and forth a few times a week about one or two phone calls a week on top of the normal two sessions a week. I feel like I'm bothering him but he encourages it.

How often do you guys contact yours?
Have they ever set a limit?
Opinion on increase contact - I think its increased the abandonment issues!

I"m interested how he encourages? What he says "please contact me?"

[WikidPissah]

I used to email "session notes" at his request once a week because I couldn't speak during a session. I don't do that anymore but I have emailed on occasion. I text him rarely which he responds with a phone call, we never text back and forth. I simply send a "having a difficult time" and he calls back when he can. Like I said that's rare, maybe every other month or so.

[elliemay]

IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by elliemay

IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

I send multiple emails a day. He rarely responds, unless I ask him to and he thinks I need it. He used to respond a lot more, but he realized he was reinforcing my impulsive behavior, and making it almost worse. Even though I am allowed between session contact and NEED it...I totally agree with everything you have said. I don't feel like I can "carry" him out of session. I kind of wish I never started out of session contact. Now I can't do anything about it. I rely on it.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by elliemay

IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

I completely agree with everything you have said here. I also find that, personally, I need to maintain boundaries with my T and pdocs, in order to feel comfortable sharing my deepest most private feelings. If I'm too close to someone I start to worry what they think of me, or if they are judging me, and then I'm not able to be so open about my feelings. Because of the distance I have with my T and pdocs, I actually don't care what they think of me, I don't care if they judge me, so I feel comfortable telling them whatever. It's like how many people feel more comfortable opening up to a total stranger than to a friend.

But I also feel that through the years of therapy I've done, with no contact between sessions, it has forced me to develop some self-coping and self-soothing skills in times of stress. And that's priceless progress.

I do think I must be doing something right, because in ten years of therapy I have never had a fight with my pdoc/T or even felt any ill feelings towards them. I see all the drama and ill-feelings on this forum and it really surprises me. I've never experienced anything like that in my ten years of therapy. I've always got along with my pdoc/T. I've also never experienced transference, or felt that I loved/was in love with my T, or experienced any jealousy.

[critterlady]

I see T once or twice a week, depending on my schedule. We don't email or text, but he encourages me to call him in between if I need to. I've only done it a couple of times - both related to my mother's recent death.

[venusss]

I think too often is when you are not really in a need and just write them for sake of writing them as you would with a friend.

[Emptty]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I"m interested how he encourages? What he says "please contact me?"

Well it wasn't until a few months into our relationship that he said I could email but I didn't and he offered again and I still didn't. Then in a text conversation he gave me his email address so by continually extending the offer I felt it wasn't a burden on him so I emailed and continue to email -it helped our relationship. He constantly says I can't bother him and he wants to hear from me and keep the connection open between sessions. He has never discouraged my contacting him.

He has said "please call me if you need to" and I call him as needed which is frequent. The best thing he did was reassure me he knows when to set boundaries and will tell me if it's too much. I trust he will.

[Dreamy01]

Originally Posted by elliemay

IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

I really appreciate your thoughts on this. It has helped me to understand the possible reasons for my T's reluctance to respond to all my emails, even though I don't send many. I understand the addictive cycle and certainly fall into this trap, both with this T and have done in the past with others.

That said, both with her and my former T there have been times where I simply did need a response - desperately - because of the place I was in. At least with current T I can phone at those times. i couldn't do that with former T and it would have helped me a lot.

I also feel that emailing a t every single day and multiple times a day is too much unless there is a crisis going on. That would certainly increase dependence in my case.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Emptty

I email him every day, text back and forth a few times a week about one or two phone calls a week on top of the normal two sessions a week. I feel like I'm bothering him but he encourages it.

How often do you guys contact yours?
Have they ever set a limit?
Opinion on increase contact - I think its increased the abandonment issues!

I see my therapist once a month. but can contact her by phone anytime, leave a message and she will call back with an appointment or we plan a session in between my work schedule, or as soon as possible if need be.

my therapist does have firm boundaries. but she also discusses when you first see her what she considers to be an emergency so that her clients understand her home time is her time not ours. Therapists cant be at their best if they have no down time.

my suggestion (I havent read the whole three pages of this thread so this may have already been suggested) ...contact your treatment provider and ask them how often and for what things you should be contacting them for. each therapist has their own rules about things like this.