[karebear1]

I hate 'em. How about you?

[critterlady]

I actually like them. They make me feel safe.

[rainbow_rose]

as challenging as they are, they keep my therapy safe.

[karebear1]

Oh no! It's already 2 to 1...... I can't be the only one.

they really make you feel safe? All they do for me is make me feel like the person that set the boundaries doesn't want me around so they set up their so called boundaries to keep me away.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by karebear1

Oh no! It's already 2 to 1...... I can't be the only one.

they really make you feel safe? All they do for me is make me feel like the person that set the boundaries doesn't want me around so they set up their so called boundaries to keep me away.

ME!! Stupid stupid boundaries( even tho i know they are necessary.)

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by karebear1

Oh no! It's already 2 to 1...... I can't be the only one.

they really make you feel safe? All they do for me is make me feel like the person that set the boundaries doesn't want me around so they set up their so called boundaries to keep me away.

karebear - i have felt that way, esp. about the hugs things. i don't like that boundary and sometimes it does feel like it's personal to me. a part of me really wants a hug. but i do see how her boundary keeps me (and her) safe. so that one is kinda mixed. but my hope is that she can help me find someone who will be happy to give me the hugs i want and need.

you aren't the only one.

[critterlady]

*** trigger warning ***

They do make me feel safe. One of my main issues is CSA by a trusted neighbor. I was 13 and had a massive crush on him. He used that crush against me.

The boundaries with T assure me that, no matter what feelings I develop for him, he will not take advantage of that.

[Hope-Full]

I'm mixed.

In therapy, with my T? I love the boundaries. They make me feel safe and secure.

With my family? When I have to be the one setting and holding the boundaries? I hate em. Too much work, especially considering my family tramples the boundaries on a regular basis, and I keep having to rebuild them.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

but my hope is that she can help me find someone who will be happy to give me the hugs i want and need.

Exactly this.

[purplelephant]

If we're talking therapy boundaries, I'm back and forth. Emotionally I'm like "WHHYY? WHYYY?" and rationally I'm like "Thank God, or else I'd never live in real life"
If we're talking about in life outside of therapy... depends on the person. If a person I actually COULD be friends with imposes huge boundaries, I think that's a sign to me that they don't want to be friends. If they impose reasonable boundaries, then it's a sign they have standards. I dunno, depends on the situation.

[Mike_J]

I think my therapist should keep her boundaries with everyone except me

So I'm sort of in the hate them camp

And yes I know my desire is irrational....

Boundaries are a good thing. They allow us each to define our place of safety.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by critterlady

*** trigger warning ***

They do make me feel safe. One of my main issues is CSA by a trusted neighbor. I was 13 and had a massive crush on him. He used that crush against me.

The boundaries with T assure me that, no matter what feelings I develop for him, he will not take advantage of that.

Now- if I had a male T I would appreciate the boundaries. But I have a female T. I guess for me it feels natural to just have no boundaries. I can hug her, but there are other things that I might have done or said that she really objects to- and I just don't get it. I'm very respectful, so when things come up, I just don't understand. I am Trying to though.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Boundaries are a good thing. They allow us each to define our place of safety.

Thing is that I'm not a threat to anyone, so when a boundary is placed, it's very hurtful to me. It's like that person (T) is afraid of me. WHY???

[purplelephant]

karebear, I get that. I have SUCH a harder time talking to men (not, like, normal talk. about the tough stuff) and I have never had any abuse, I just work better with women.
And it's a mother figure thing.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

I'm mixed.

In therapy, with my T? I love the boundaries. They make me feel safe and secure.

With my family? When I have to be the one setting and holding the boundaries? I hate em. Too much work, especially considering my family tramples the boundaries on a regular basis, and I keep having to rebuild them.

This is exactly how I feel. The other thing I like about boundaries in T is that I know what they are and I don't have to keep guessing and trying to figure them out on my own.

With family...I keep trying to set boundaries and they keep getting trampled, and that's really where I need boundaries the most.

Originally Posted by karebear1

Thing is that I'm not a threat to anyone, so when a boundary is placed, it's very hurtful to me. It's like that person (T) is afraid of me. WHY???

No, they aren't afraid. They just have their own comfort zone. Have you ever had someone teasingly say, "You're in my bubble. Get out of my bubble." That isn't about fear. That's about personal comfort. In the case of a T, it is probably about professional comfort. People have a right to define for themselves what happens in their own space. They have their own reasons for whatever that definition is, but it ISN'T about you. It is about them. When you can accept that people just have needs for their own personal space, then you can perhaps just respect that for them that is what they need and it really has little to do with you.

[struggling2]

i dont mind them. i think they show that T is a good T. she's looking out for me and all her other clients by having those boundaries. if she didnt have those boundaries it could get sticky and messy and do more damage in the long run. if she became personally emotionally involved with every client she has outside of her office....she would be so burnt out. i dont think she'd have much left to give inside the session. she wouldnt be able to be the strong, stable, steady person i need her to be.

Karebear i do actually feel the same way you do. I hate them. I don't know what they are protecting me from except from getting what I crave which is love and companionship in this painfully lonely world. If my T felt the same for me I don't see why that's a bad thing. I can always find a different T to do therapy with if it so happened that my T felt the same about me as I do about him.

[Freefall1974]

I love boundaries. It keeps both me and T safe and there is never any questionable BS going on. As for outside of T-time....I can have some bad boundaries, especially after a couple of glasses of wine

i like them. lets me know where i am supposed to be and where t is supposed to be...

i sit on one side of the room, t sits on the other

i don't touch t, t dooesn't touch me

i need that to feel safe. i don't want anyone in my space especially when i am feeling vulnerable.

great post..

[karebear1]

I think I don't like boundaries because that word was used a lot by my mother when I was a kid. If I crossed a boundary (Which of course I didn't know was a boundary) I was wacked across the head and screamed at about crossing her unknown boundary. that's how I learned to not cross boundaries. I just sat and was a good girl. Now when I hear that word it just infuriates me.

[Dreamy01]

Hmmm mixed feelings too. This T is very boundaried compared to how I'm used to and as a result I've experienced her as cold and distant, particularly after a recent rupture involving boundaries. However, part of me thinks perhaps they will benefit me in a new way long term.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I hate 'em. How about you?

There are certainly a great many boundaries I don't like.

As Jonas Chuzzlewit said in Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens:

Other people's rights are my wrongs.

[Nightlight]

I struggle with them. I realised that when I was younger, instead of going off the rails because no rules were set for me, I set my own really rigid rules. I took care of myself, I followed my rules. It didn't work out very well in the end. Now, in therapy, I've realised that I set the boundaries for myself (never contact T outside of a session, because I will survive until my next appointment in a week). I think it's because I'm so afraid of hitting the boundaries, and feeling really rejected if I do. For a long time I couldn't even ask simple questions, because I couldn't bear the thought of them not being answered, if I'd missed an obvious boundary. When I had trouble talking at all, early on, T made me play a game and it involved asking the other person a question, and I almost couldn't ask any of the questions I thought of. I remember trying to find things that would be easy to answer like "what country would you like to travel to"? I don't think I've ever hit a boundary in T. I don't think I want to.