has left us in great distress. the session itself went very well but the aftermath isnt good. and we dont have the privilege of phone contact so the only thing left is email which right now just isnt enough. we are trying every coping skill we have doing our best to stay present and grounded but failing pretty badly. we havent actively acted on SI in a very long time but failed at that as well. it feels like the pain is eating at us like acid and now we have the agony of 2 entire weeks until our next session,yes we have asked for weekly but so far she has no openings. feeling so utterly hopeless right now and we hate that. we should be stronger. we should be smarter. we should not feel bad. but we fail. we fail. we are sorry.

[roads]

I'm sorry you have to wait. I would send her an email right away and ask to be put on the list for any spots that open up through cancelation. Sometimes people get sick or for other reasons can't/don't keep the appointment they have, and a session time becomes free. If you're "next on the sign-up list" for that, you'll get it!

Better than no chance of anything for two whole weeks!

So call first thing when her office opens in the morning, okay?
You all take care of everyone in the meantime.
Roadie

thank you roadie-we will send her an email asking for that♥

[WikidPissah]

[WePow]

Big safe hugs! I wonder what triggered you so deeply? It is hard to be triggered right after session.

Originally Posted by WePow

Big safe hugs! I wonder what triggered you so deeply? It is hard to be triggered right after session.

we were talking about how what the ex-counselor did to us still hurts in so many ways very badly. she said she was "re-parenting" us(old counselor) and the way she went about it not only caused a huge amount of damage but it ended disasterously. and unfortunately we are finding there are still resistant parts who stubbornly cling to the hope we will return to her and keep in contact with her,even though we have demanded she not continue the relationships. at the very end of our session she-new counselor- looked at us intensely and said "sometimes your eyes look very,very sad". we wonder why...

[sweepy62]

sending you hugs

[SpiritRunner]

being triggered and feeling bad does NOT mean you have failed or are bad, trinity! you are dealing with big feelings, big pain; it's hard and you are struggling, but you are still trying the best you can to deal with them. that's not failure - struggling is not the same as failing. and you're not dumb for having the struggle or the hurt or being triggered.
I think you do need more support/contact with your counselor; I hope you can get what you really need from her.
I'm glad you reach out here for support; that is a good, safe way to try to cope with some of the big feelings.
big safe hugs to all of you!

[lostmyway21]

I hope you are feeling a little better today.

[unaluna]

why didn't we tell T what happened this week with daughter and then with son? it seems symbolic that old T couldn't help you, and that's what you talked about, so you're saying you're afraid new T can't help you either, so you won't even tell her about stuff? I so get this - I didn't even tell one T I was going to get married until after I did it; she was pretty mad, but I think it just demonstrates how totally unconnected I was to her (or anybody, really) - this was like 30 years ago. I am not saying you're unconnected - I think you are very connected - it was just more a symbolic session about your r/s with T, than a practical, comforting, problem-solving type session. Both types are important and worthwhile, just different. The symbolic is definitely more painful tho.

we started to rage about the daughter and then suddenly just went completely numb and couldnt move. someone else popped out and started talking/connecting how ex-counselor was abusive like the daughter so it kinda tied in but it still went in a different direction. left with depression and fear. not sure where to go with it

[unaluna]

wow that must be so difficult.
eta: so that's how she left it? sometimes your eyes look very very sad? I told my T I was leaving his office depressed so he now makes an effort to lift me up at the end. I wonder if T's get how hard that is for their clients. They practice not letting our moods affect them, but we do not snap out of it.

Originally Posted by hankster

wow that must be so difficult.

yes....very much so

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

we should be stronger. we should be smarter. we should not feel bad. but we fail. we fail. we are sorry.

You are not failing at anything. You are in pain. Are you feeling the pain from the other therapist?

Originally Posted by Sannah

You are not failing at anything. You are in pain. Are you feeling the pain from the other therapist?

yes very very intensely. we thought we were getting over it but guess not and by now we should have been right? 7 months is long enough isnt it?

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

yes very very intensely. we thought we were getting over it but guess not and by now we should have been right? 7 months is long enough isnt it?

Trinity, I felt pain from my ex-T who hurt me for over a year later. I was really triggered 11 months later and then had to work this out some for a couple of months and now it's much better. I found that there were phases and triggers, but I worked through it completely perhaps 14 months after our relationship ended. It's hard when you've been betrayed and hurt by someone whom you invested your trust in, so there is no should or right amount of time.

may we ask how long you were with your ex-counselor eastcoaster?

It was 2 years... and the thing is that part of me knew that our relationship was bad for me fairly early on, but then another part became so attached to her that I continued seeing her and caused myself a lot of damage

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

It was 2 years... and the thing is that part of me knew that our relationship was bad for me fairly early on, but then another part became so attached to her that I continued seeing her and caused myself a lot of damage

ours was a little over 7 years and like you all the red flags were there fairly early but we became so sickly enmeshed and attached so you understand. thank you for sharing♥

[Chopin99]

TD, firstly you are not a failure. You are in pain. You are doing the best you can. Please don't beat yourself up mentally. It takes different people different amounts of time to heal from abuse and loss. It's okay that it is taking time for you to process what your ex-T did to you. I hope your T has a cancellation!

[Freefall1974]

I hope you are feeling better. Is there any possibility of your T giving you a standing appointment every week so you do not have to go through this? I am lucky enough to have that and if I need something in between I can try to negotiate that also. Take care.

Thinking of you today, TD.

we sent her an email asking for her to please let us have any cancellation that might open up but feel bad for doing it.

[unaluna]

please don't feel bad. you are making really good use of your therapy time. it sounded like you were making real progress yesterday putting stuff together. sometimes T's don't really get what all is going on.

I finally asked my T, don't I ever get to grieve? Everytime I would say something that kind of put me in a bad light, he would quick say, but NOW it can be different. For example, and this is kind of silly, but it's a perfect example. Last year I asked him to be my swim coach. He said, if you can stand to put your face in the water, blow bubbles. I thought to myself, forget it, if the first thing you're gonna tell me is to put my face in the water! So this week we were talking about romantic transference, and I said, "I updated your slogan: you can be my therapist, OR you can be my boyfriend. But you can't be my swim coach because you tell me to put my face in the water!" He rose up in his chair and said I misunderstood! Finally he convinced me when I realized - he probably doesn't put HIS face in the water cos he doesn't want to mess up his precious blow-dried hair!
So I was trying to grieve, that for a whole year, I had misunderstood this - so what else do I think I am SO right about, yet I am so wrong? And he just tried to hurry over it. Actually I didn't even get to THAT generalization! It was just about hearing him. And he was like, it's okay, it's not happening now.

Wow he's messed up. Of course it's happening now, and will again. He said he just tries to have a positive attitude in doing therapy. I told him he doesn't let me (or any of his clients) grieve because his dead mother is always in the room. He said he would think on it.

Anyway, my point was, sometimes we have to teach our T's how to better help us. It still bothers me that all she said was, you're so sad, when you were doing all this great WORK, making all these connections between your parts and your experiences, integrating right in front of her eyes, and she was clueless?