After playing phone tag and not getting anywhere, I e mailed my T. He has been trying to get me into a hospital and it's a long tedious process. They told him there were no beds and he chose not to start the admissions process (he didn't have enough time)
Anyway I e mailed him to let him know that staff there told me there were two last minute discharges. I am in touch with a few staff on facebook.
His response was "Frankly, I think you're testing me and since we haven't had a session lately, I hope we can meet Friday to discuss what this means". He claimed I was "telling him he was flying blind" after the fact. I'm not even sure what that means.
I feel hurt and angry. We've known each other over 15 years. If he wants to blame something on me, it better be GOOD and factual.
Is it just me?? How would you react? I am beyond upset now.

I'm sorry...this doesn't exactly sound important. If you guys knew about the things I'm dealing with irl, with my "family", maybe it would make more sense. It feels like another loss is coming. I can't take another one.
I feel stupid now.....

if it bothers you then its important. can we do anything to help? ♥♥♥

After I challenged his e mail, he wrote back that sometimes it's better NOT to respond to some of my e mails and this is one of those times. What the hell did I do?

It'smprobably my fault since this is the way most people react to me. I know the family does....
I think I'm finished with losing people and finished with therapy.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

I'm sorry...this doesn't exactly sound important. If you guys knew about the things I'm dealing with irl, with my "family", maybe it would make more sense. It feels like another loss is coming. I can't take another one.
I feel stupid now.....

Of course it's important!

Originally Posted by Calista+12

After I challenged his e mail, he wrote back that sometimes it's better NOT to respond to some of my e mails and this is one of those times. What the hell did I do?

It'smprobably my fault since this is the way most people react to me. I know the family does....
I think I'm finished with losing people and finished with therapy.

since we dont know your counselor as you do we cant say for sure but maybe its his own frustrations showing when he said that? not that it makes it any easier or even right but thats what happened with our counselor. has he ever done anything like this before? sometimes when we get so overwhelmed or frantic we will email constantly in hopes of getting our immediate needs met and we have been challenged such as you have quite a few times before-or as it was so nicely put to us-we were very borderline. when is your next session with him? if we arent being too nosy why are you going into the hospital? sorry of we arent being helpful just trying to offer suggestions. we are here for you regardless♥♥♥

[unaluna]

He sounds like a grumpy old man. What is chewing his butt? You are trying to be proactive and get care for yourself, and it sounds like he is taking it as an insult from you, that you're saying he has been slacking off. Which you were not saying at all, you just happen to have these good r/s with these people, which he should be praising you for accomplishing, not dumping on you about! So it sounds like maybe he is feeling guilty that he has been remiss in his duties towards you.

My T always "announces" now to me that he is going to sound defensive, because I always laugh at him when he does. Why would I care about his being defensive towards me? Isn't that the most ridiculous thing? They have all the power! Plus I always picture him as a 6 yr old boy when he gets like that - well, that's how mature that defensiveness is. I would say, don't let your T's little hissy fit or guilt derail your getting the help you need at this point. What is up with him - tell him to man up, sheesh.

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

since we dont know your counselor as you do we cant say for sure but maybe its his own frustrations showing when he said that? not that it makes it any easier or even right but thats what happened with our counselor. has he ever done anything like this before? sometimes when we get so overwhelmed or frantic we will email constantly in hopes of getting our immediate needs met and we have been challenged such as you have quite a few times before-or as it was so nicely put to us-we were very borderline. when is your next session with him? if we arent being too nosy why are you going into the hospital? sorry of we arent being helpful just trying to offer suggestions. we are here for you regardless♥♥♥

T claimed it was inappropriate to be in contact with staff on Facebook, if not illegal. (along with the info staff gave me about there being beds available) He's never been quite this nasty tome and I don't understand. I honestly didn't bombard him with e mail;I just started out sending him the one telling him there were in fact beds available.
Next session is supposed to be Friday, but now, I don't know. The reason he wanted me to go to the hospital is that the depression is getting darker than ever and I have a bad anniversary coming up. There are troubles with "family" that will never be resolved but still suck the life out of me.
You are helpful Trinity, we appreciate it a lot.

Originally Posted by hankster

He sounds like a grumpy old man. What is chewing his butt? You are trying to be proactive and get care for yourself, and it sounds like he is taking it as an insult from you, that you're saying he has been slacking off. Which you were not saying at all, you just happen to have these good r/s with these people, which he should be praising you for accomplishing, not dumping on you about! So it sounds like maybe he is feeling guilty that he has been remiss in his duties towards you.

My T always "announces" now to me that he is going to sound defensive, because I always laugh at him when he does. Why would I care about his being defensive towards me? Isn't that the most ridiculous thing? They have all the power! Plus I always picture him as a 6 yr old boy when he gets like that - well, that's how mature that defensiveness is. I would say, don't let your T's little hissy fit or guilt derail your getting the help you need at this point. What is up with him - tell him to man up, sheesh.

Maybe his shorts were too tight....but it really hurt and upset me. I never saw this coming.

[rainbow_rose]

how would I react? I think I'd be confused and unsure as to what he meant. it's so hard to clearly understand someone's meaning in email. i hope he clarifies what he meant by that statement.

[unaluna]

well, illegal for the staff maybe, not for you. and anyway I doubt it. you know, money talks, b.s. walks. you caught him snoozing, that's all. hey, we have HAD to take care of ourselves, no one else ever did. excuse us for not being miss prim and proper when we're anxious! who does he think he's dealing with? you're not talking about a vacation! well, HIS finding out about it thru facebook, even indirectly, now has put him in an uncomfortable situation. He'll deal with it. please don't stress too much about it. drs should not be the cause of our troubles. altho they did invent a word jUst for that.

[likewater]

((((Calista)))) if my T told me there were no beds available and i found out there were , i would be beyond furious. YOU did nothing wrong. T needs like lucille ball on The I love Lucy show has some explaining to do.

Well he refuses to discuss anything with me until Friday, in person. He has never acted like this. It scares me.
I never told him who the staff person was that told me and I won't. I have an awful feeling of dread.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Wren_]

i hate this for you ....... doesn't sound at all like a test; more like you are doing what you needed and wanted him to be taking care of

[Fixated]

Sounds like he is trying to have a pissing contest with you or someone on the staff. And even if you were testing him, that is ok. It happens and it is not like you started the hospital stuff. That would be different. Sounds like the hospital was as much his idea as yours. the fact that he was too busy to start the process forms throws up some red flags for me.

Go to your appointment and figure this out. Best to discuss in person. Good luck!

I don't know why, but this whole silly thing scares me. I do not want to talk to him on the phone at all. I hope he doesn't call tomorrow because I am unable to talk to him;I'm sure he will see this as another "test". I have a weird feeling that I just can't shake.

[granite1]

i thought that sometimes hospitals need to keep a certain amount of beds available for certain situations that may come up so that it may look like they have empty beds but infact that may not be the case and staff on the floor may not have that information.i would find it strange that a staff is giving out this information to a potential patient also.i wouldnt think it was there place.it doesnt sound right .sorry if i have no idea what i am talking about and that you are having such a hard time right now.i just thought i might offer another way of looking at it

Originally Posted by granite1

i thought that sometimes hospitals need to keep a certain amount of beds available for certain situations that may come up so that it may look like they have empty beds but infact that may not be the case and staff on the floor may not have that information.i would find it strange that a staff is giving out this information to a potential patient also.i wouldnt think it was there place.it doesnt sound right .sorry if i have no idea what i am talking about and that you are having such a hard time right now.i just thought i might offer another way of looking at it

It's a very complicated way of admitting patients at this place. If you ask two people if there are beds available, you'll get two different answers.
I think you're right about it not being their place to tell me about beds being available. My T took it personally and thought I was attacking his way of doing things. I wasn't.
granite I appreciate your input. Thank you.

I'm kind of with what Granite says here. It is incredibly odd that the staff at a hospital would be in contact with potential psychiatric patients via Facebook, a terribly unsecure venue and a communication which is bound to be beyond the rules and procedures of the hospital. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to say as I just feel like I'm not quite understanding the entire story. Perhaps that is the jist of the problem with your T right now. Email communication about something this critical is just really loaded with the potential for misinterpretation on both ends. This really needs to be handled face to face or in the least, via telephone call where you can both get immediate clarification on questions you might have.

[WikidPissah]

I agree it doesn't sound quite right as well. Facebook checking beds? Maybe talk to T face to face and work it out. it will be ok, T's don't generally hold grudges.

[mixedup_emotions]

Do you have a tendency to not trust what you get from people and have to do some digging on your own to get what you need? It's important for you and T to talk through this because it could have the potential to shine some light on a tendency that you have - OR, prove to be more about T and not you at all. Or a mixture of both.

I hope that you can try to be curious about it, as it will provide information that could be valuable....but I know that's easier said than done when emotions are involved.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by hankster

He sounds like a grumpy old man. What is chewing his butt? You are trying to be proactive and get care for yourself, and it sounds like he is taking it as an insult from you, that you're saying he has been slacking off. Which you were not saying at all, you just happen to have these good r/s with these people, which he should be praising you for accomplishing, not dumping on you about! So it sounds like maybe he is feeling guilty that he has been remiss in his duties towards you.

My T always "announces" now to me that he is going to sound defensive, because I always laugh at him when he does. Why would I care about his being defensive towards me? Isn't that the most ridiculous thing? They have all the power! Plus I always picture him as a 6 yr old boy when he gets like that - well, that's how mature that defensiveness is. I would say, don't let your T's little hissy fit or guilt derail your getting the help you need at this point. What is up with him - tell him to man up, sheesh.

They don't have all the power. We have VETO power -- a veto that cannot be over-ridden because we can quit any time.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I'm kind of with what Granite says here. It is incredibly odd that the staff at a hospital would be in contact with potential psychiatric patients via Facebook, a terribly unsecure venue and a communication which is bound to be beyond the rules and procedures of the hospital. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to say as I just feel like I'm not quite understanding the entire story. Perhaps that is the jist of the problem with your T right now. Email communication about something this critical is just really loaded with the potential for misinterpretation on both ends. This really needs to be handled face to face or in the least, via telephone call where you can both get immediate clarification on questions you might have.

Farmergirl
It's the fact that he felt I was testing him and acting very nasty towards me. He's never acted that way before. I get the whole Facebook mess; that won't happen again. I cannot take any more nastiness from him or anyone irl. I'm at a breaking point.
Thank you

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Do you have a tendency to not trust what you get from people and have to do some digging on your own to get what you need? It's important for you and T to talk through this because it could have the potential to shine some light on a tendency that you have - OR, prove to be more about T and not you at all. Or a mixture of both.

I hope that you can try to be curious about it, as it will provide information that could be valuable....but I know that's easier said than done when emotions are involved.

MUE
I was trying to be proactive as this particular hospital is so tied up with red tape, it's impossible to get a straight answer. The way I went about it with a staff person on FB was wrong. I was trying to give my T information he didn't have. As far as "to get what I need"....I don'tplay games. I really have too much other things going on to play games to get what I want. I rarely get what I want, so why start now? I believed it had a lot to do with T, but I could be wrong. I could very well be wrong...