stop the ride we want to get off *TW for SU thoughts*

this is NOT what we signed up for! seems no matter how hard we try to be good,do things right,distract,engage,not isolate we always do it wrong and we are so sick and tired of everything!!! mostly we try to keep it all to ourselves save for a few random times when it just leaks all over the place and then we end up feeling desperately ashamed and embarassed for weeks afterwards. be seen and not heard right?? be good and quiet and dont rock the boat just shut your mouth and nobody gets hurt. &^%$#$%^&^%$#@@ it all!!!!!!! we deserved everything that we got and now were paying the price. we dont want to BE anymore!!! no,we would not ever act on it, we arent in any danger but damnit we are sooooo tired of feeling like this all we ever wanted irl was someone to love us unconditionally no matter what we looked like,how we acted and not get in trouble for breathing too loudly!!!! we deeply apologize for this random stupid rant but this is the only safe place we had to do it so please forgive us......

I am sorry it feels so tough for you right now - you didn't deserve everything you got, you deserved to be loved unconditionally. Soup

this is so not a "random stupid rant". It is expressing the hell you are going thru right now. It sux that you weren't loved, it sux that you don't have a weekly T whom you can call upon.

I am sorry it is so hard.

(((TrinityDancer)))

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You so don't deserve it.

Please go on posting as often as you want/need. Nobody thinks your posts are stupid or unnecessary.

thanks to those who replied♥. we are feeling very insignificant right now

Please, don't feel insignificant or unloved. You are both here at PC. At the very least I can say that I think you are significant and I love you. You did not deserve the abuse you received. You have worth. Please keep telling yourself that, TD.

love you (((TD)))

please hang in there

Trinity, I wish so much there was something we could do to help. You are an amazing person. I wish you could see that.

TrinityDancer sorry you are hurting so badly. Hope you feel better soon.

*sigh* finally its quiet here and we can try and just disappear in bed. maybe try finding someone to chat with. thank you for the support and encouragement its appreciated more than we can ever say♥

Thinking of you Trinity

TD you are very important!!!!! Hang in there and don't let the a s s holes of the past kill us in the now!

sorry for bumping this up but can really use some more support and encouragement today doing worse

Sending hugs, thoughts and support across the ocean.
We all care for you very much, TD. We're here for you if you need to talk.

just wish we knew what was wrong why we are in so much pain

I wasn't here yesterday, so sorry I missed this and that it has been so tough for you. I wish you didn't have such pain ..... that I could take it away for you ....
You never deserved to be hurt; you deserved, deserve now, to be loved.
Please hold on to the truth that you are very very much loved here, loved by me!

You are stressed, and depressed, and have been going through some extremely tough times. How you are feeling is not your fault. I really wish you were not in so much pain

Be kind to yourself.

Maybe your standards are just too high? Why do you have to be perfect?

Maybe change this?

Do you still believe these things?

H doesn't love you unconditionally?

had to rescue this from the second page
sannah to answer your questions-unfortunately perfectionism is a trait a lot of us share inside and somehow were sure OCD to a degree plays into it but its not something that we have ever had a chance to address
as for keeping things to ourselves until they leak all over,we just always still feel like we are bothering others if we try and talk about how we feel/our needs. many times still even here we feel like we are being bothersome
and yes,to a very large degree we do feel like we deserved what we got-dont know why bit we do
as for cores husband loving us unconditionally-thats a complicated situation and would take quite some time to explain so we will say a tentative "yes" to that for now

we are very sorry for constantly moving this thread up to ask for more support but we need it

sorry for so pathetically bumping our post-it will be the last time we promise....

trinity, it's your right to bump up your own post if you need to update it, answer someone's questions from another post or ask for continued support! nothing pathetic about it. I've gone and rescued my thread from the 3rd page a time or two to update it! Nobody thinks that's weird or pathetic.
and even in the times I'm not here on PC, sometimes certain ones stay on my mind, especially when deep or hard things are going on for them .... so even if I haven't been here posting on your thread, you've been in my mind. you're being thought of and supported in spirit, with love and compassion.

thank you so much♥ you always make us feel so loved♥

yes, please don't feel badly for bumping this post. If it helps think of like this: if you feel badly for asking for help you're implicitly telling the rest of us to feel badly too and I know you don't want to do that. If one of us were in crisis it doesn't matter how many times they ask for support you would want us to keep asking for support wouldn't you? I know you would because you are so loving and supportive to so many of us here.

Promise you will never stop reaching out, ok? I need to hear that from you right now to set my heart at ease.

((((((lillylillie))) we wont make promises we cant keep but we do promise to try our best-is that ok?♥

Okay. I can appreciate that.