Is it normal?

Is it a normal part of Therapy, for things to get really bad, before a breakthru? I have been struggling with severe bouts of "God this cant get worse", but when this happened before, I had a breakthru, and I was able to progress. So I am really hoping this is what is suppose to happen again soon. We are working on emotions and Trauma issues, the breakthru before was on grieving, now we are working on Anger..an uh..oh..for me to tackle..but its playing havoc with guilt..and fear..if it sounds like a Triad of Torment..thats because it is..any guidance is appreciated..my T thinks it will happen the same way..but God this is awful...has me awful depressed

Evangelista,

Yeah, Hang in there! It's a rollercoaster ride, I know.

I have been having therapy now for four years....

One of the things that keeps me going is to look back to a year ago, and see how I was back then. I can see that progress has been made since then.

Therapy tends to bring up old feelings of fear and guilt, but it also brings up new feelings that I did'nt know I had.

Having a full range of emotions seems to be what we are working towards, but it is painful.

Go easy on yourself.

Hi Evangelista,

I know sometimes with me, things have gotten worse before it has gotten better. Anger has been a hard issue for me to work on, too. I also think it is helpful to talk with your T about the situation. If you are not feeling safe about the pace of the work you are doing in counseling, and it is too overwhelming, then I hope you can talk with your T about it. They should be able to help work with you to slow the pace of counseling a bit, and do some things to help calm the situation a bit too. You can still work on anger, and maybe not push as hard. Or maybe take some breaks periodically, both in your sessions and inbetween - that can provide some help. There are ways to be gentler in working on it. My counselor helped me learn about that...it is really possible.

Take care,
ErinBear

Yup sometimes it happens that way.

I know when a memory is trying to break through into my conscious level because it always happens the same way for me -

first I get nightmares and flashbacks.

usually the nightmares are the kind I can't remember any details of after waking up and as it gets closer I start waking up in panic attacks.

The flashbacks start out the same way quick pieces of pictures that are there and gone so fast that all I have time for is a quick hold my breath gasp action and then its gone I call these mild ones. then as it gets closer the flashbacks become more pieces of pictures, sounds, smells, tastes, that I can tell a little bit of what they are. I call these the meduim ones. Then they become full blown pieces of painful vivid pictures, smells, tastes, sounds, feelings and touches and usually so painful that I have a hrd time doing anything at all.

then I can't sit still or get comfortable. No matter what position I try to sit in it hurts or doesn't feel right. alot of keyed up energy and no place to put it and nothing helps to get rid of it.

Finally the memory comes through.

then I go through a bit of time with the flashbacks going with the complete whole memory.

Then after a while things start settling down again

what helps me through it all is art work journalling and so on. I've already updated on my stock of art supples, notebooks for journalling, floppy disks for my word computer program for writing my jounalling on that, play dough, and so on because as you have read in my blog my therapist and I are using hypnosis (relaxation visualizations) in my therapy sessions and we are preparing to use this to find out what I can't remember about this nightmare of mine that refuses to boot into active phase of my memory recall process on its own.

My next session I am bringing in writing materials, we are going to do this one together..it has been flooring me ...set off a chain of traumatic memories..god bad..but I can get thru if i know it will eventually lead to another step forward..

Therapy is tough, isn't it Evangelista?! It won't always be "this" bad for you... please stay safe while the times are so dark. TC

I take stuff into my sessions too. in fact LL now has these really long book shelves and there is a spot and a basket set up for my stuff. pretty cool.

know the feeling. and yes you will make it - they don't call us survivors for nothng.

I think it's normal. I like to stick things in my black hole of denial. When life makes them come out and slap me, it hurts pretty bad. I find that talking T's ear off helps. I am just slightly nervous on what else is in my black hole of denial. I wish I could just deal with emotions as they come up instead of sticking them where the sun doesn't shine.

Thank you everyone for the support and sharing. It is very much appreciated.