Why is psychotherapy so mysterious?

Yeah I hear you there, definitely. It feels like the therapist knows more about me than myself and I WANT TO KNOW TOO! haha And when you ask them straight up "so.. what is the gameplan?" and you always get a response that doesn't answer your question at all and adds to the mystery. Argh!! Frustrating, lol. Sometimes I just want to rip my file out of her hand and go through it so I know what is going on!

Whoa! Hostile much?! Even I'm more generous about my T's than this!
But re the "knowledge resource" - so maybe therapy is like learning how to cook. You don't go in and talk about dishes that didn't work and ask the chef to tell you why, as a knowledge resource. You cook in front of the chef in real time.

I would rather believe she is *****y instead of stupid.

Surely they learned something in school or to be licensed. And why is that so hard to convey to a client who asks?

umm... some things you learn by DOING, is what i'm saying here. Not by talking or reading about.

Stopdog, in the immortal words of Oscar Hammerstein II, "How do you keep a wave upon the sand"? Or, how about, what does the color "red" look like? Why is it so hard to convey that? Therapists learn conveyance tactics, but (a) not all of them get A's in all courses, (b) not all clients are able to receive equally, and, (c) not all knowledge is conveyable but can only be experienced. You may say that how to have a baby can be taught to male obstetricians but, also, how to have a baby, cannot be taught to anyone who is/has not having/had a baby.

I think therapy is somewhat mysterious because no matter how many schools of psychological thought or therapeutic practice the therapist or pdoc uses, the human mind, and therefore our thought processes and emotions are still largely a mystery. With all the medical advances the 21st has brought, there are still chemical interactions/bodily processes that science cannot explain, for instance, what initiates the birth process?

I think a T can be thoroughly schooled in Jungian, Gestalt, EMDR, DBT, CBT, Existentialism, etc., but most of the time he is judging moment by moment what is emerging from his client's mouth and then quickly judging what direction to zing off in with his answer. And sometimes they don't know what to say - I can always tell when my T is stuck - he will say something along the lines of "This may sound totally crazy but tell me what you think."

As for therapy being mysterious? I don't think it's all that mysterious - I know from doing my practicums that 95% of being a good therapist is simple learning to shut up and listen, then listen some more. The trick is to remember that clients enter therapy subconsciously knowing the answer to their problems. The trick is to get them to open up and verbalize - so, not that mysterious at all.

When I had a counselor who was a minister, things were in the open. Nothing was hidden. No tricks. I came to him with a manipulative mind, ready to pretty much blow him away, but he disarmed me quite fast showing he had NO mental weapons. No manipulation, no grudges, no twisting of words, no pride, no vengeance... nothing.

He was a honestly caring person who had some but not much training in counseling, he also gave from himself, he told me his own sadness and showed me his artwork, not to steal time from me, but to show he is also human.

Everything was honest between us. I kept coming back, even if 90 % of me doubted it was the right thing. He helped turn my life around and I never even thanked him as I moved away. I bet he wonders what happened to me.

There were no mysteries. Never left with a feeling I somehow been mentally violated without knowing what happened even (as other therapy did to me). I left with a clear head. A good head. I left "happier" than I walked in. Always. I left with new, good thoughts. I didn't leave with a feeling I needed to talk to somebody ELSE, because it upset me (as happened with "real" therapy, I always felt I needed therapy after the therapy......).

He helped many people. He was even better than my life skills psychologist, and she is good. She is not a therapist either. She didn't assume things about me, didn't cross her mind I could lie, deceive, be a troublemaker (on purpose). She always treated me like I was a decent person. Never provoked, lied or manipulated.

For me, it is important everything is crystal clear, as well as it can be said in words. To me it is important that if I'm being told something, it is on a conscious level. Straightforward without hidden agendas. That is what my mind wants.

I think there can be healing in less conscious things as well, like singing, playing an instrument, art, writing and so on. But for me, counseling is words. And I don't want words to lie and deceive and make me leave with a sense I was force fed headcheese under the pretense it was burgers.

This really makes sense to me why some therapists are the way they are. Reading that, the heal thyself while I, the T is collecting money, actually makes sense! It never made sense to me before.

And why it didn't, was because I didn't have the answers. Whenever I have been helped, it had been because I had learned something new.

I never had an idea what to say in an unstructured environment. I always wanted to be guided by questions. And I saw those as a mean for them to get to know me, nothing else. I was lost, I sort of didn't know I was going for something within.

Also once a therapist said my second last session, that it was useless for me to go to therapy, since I already knew everything about my childhood (I have a good memory and was always good at analyzing). She said I knew everything at once that people learn after years in therapy. Whatever that means. Didn't heal me one bit.

People have different learning styles. Some of us learn better by reading and then doing. Or other combinations of readung, writing, talking, etc

How do you solve a problem like stopdog? Or hold a moonbeam in your hand?

no seriously, it's not about learning styles. you have to DO ice-skating, not talk about it. Who are you, Harold Hill with the THINK method of musical instrument training?! 76 trombones!...

How long is a piece of string?

as long as it needs to be, yes?

Well, I have complex PTSD, CSA issues, and Bipolar Disorder so I kinda knew I would be in this for the long hall. I guess what matters to me is that I have been able to see/feel real growth and feel much better about myself. It is a true investment in myself but I finally decided that I was worth it - you are too!

I learned how to ride a bike by reading about it first, then trying it on the bicycle itself - reading about it, seeing illustrations and so forth helped when I was physically on the bike trying to do it. With therapy it is the same thing FOR ME. These books on therapeutic uses of language have helped me be able to just go there and do it (some - better than before).

Exactly!

Well, this nailed it for me. I had YEARS of therapy...most recent with my cold and distant T in which I asked questions that were NEVER answered. I asked directly, subtly, indirectly, asked follow up questions....put questions in general terms and more specific.

for this therapist, and some others I'm afraid, the process is shrouded in mystery ...which serves the therapist.

Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?

Well, that kind of T is like the tiny old man behind a curtain of obfuscation, theory, game-playing and mystery.

But like Dorothy in the story, I needed to get to the point where I could call bu##$%t on this therapist and all others like him.

Therapy is sometimes mysterious to the extent that some therapists keep it mysterious in order to keep it going and keep it lucrative.

Call me cynical. I did not say "all therapists" but there are some shysters out there...I know, I went to a few for much longer than I should have, because I bought the whole "mystery" thing. I was vulnerable. I've posted about this before.

Good therapy, in my view, should not be MADE more mysterious than necessary, especially when a client probes for answers about process, duration, and the like. Certainly, there is an "art" to the whole endeavor and this is a key ingredient, but when therapists are MAKING the process opaque by avoiding questions, shifting responsibilities, prolonging the process unnecessarily ....I'd advise clients to go shopping for another therapist, one who operates from a standpoint of transparency and empowerment. They're out there.

Life is itself a mystery, and that's fine. But when you're paying the big bucks for a service from a professional, the veil needs to come down, at least occasionally. And if it doesn't, perhaps the guy behind the curtain is kinda ....small.

A string is rarely the length you'd want it, I realized. Especially shoe strings. Those people making shoes must want me to trip on mile long shoe strings. And not like you can just cut them either....

I want to say aaahhhhhh!!!!!! But I get what you are saying.

I can relate to this Stopdog. I was anxious about flying, so bought a book on flying jumbo jets and learnt as much as I could before I flew. I also like to quietly observe others before taking the plunge myself with new things. I seem to have to have a certain amount of theoretical / brain knowledge, before I let myself loose. An issue to be explored with T or is it just about being me? We are allowed to hold onto some of our personality aren't we?

very well put mcl, for me you have said it well. thanks.
btw I don't find any of this smoke-and-mirrors with T2. for which I am very grateful. She doesn't dodge, patronize, or play games. hoorah!!

not necessary...

I used to think this, and it can be pretty intimidating.
I now believe that T doesn't know any more about me than I do. I am a mystery we are unravelling together. And there is no game plan.

Follow the leads, check the testimony for contradictions, make some inspired guesses (which are wrong at least half the time). That's all they've got.

How do police solve crimes? Dogged persistence.

OK, I'll add my two cents. I tend to agree with Stopdog: they don't know what they are doing. That is, many of them do not. Some do, but too many do not. In the interaction with the client a T needs to rely on the actions of his or her own mind to tell her what to do and say. If the T does not have a clear mind, then she will not be able to intuit the right thing to do (most of the time). As Towanda said, mostly that is how to listen. To listen to their own minds. T's need to be aware of their own mental processes, and this awareness is something that, I think, is not universally demanded by T training, so many get their degrees and do not understand the meanings of their own thoughts. From my own experience, I think this awareness training, this mindfulness training, is something that may be spreading more widely now than it was before. Maybe there will be gradual improvement in that. It is not there yet.