Working on it Between Sessions

I got a new therapist. She seems pretty good so far (ive only had 2 sessions so far but hey!). We are doing something new for me too - schema therapy. Definitely a bit bizarre and different but it makes a lot of sense. Seems very applicable to my situation.

I know in between sessions you are supposed to "work on things". In the past I have done this hardcore and it has (in hindsight) ruined my therapy. I find psychology to be very interesting so I used to research the mode of therapy I was doing and just read everything I could get my hands on about it. it was my desire to get well but also I just found it fascinating, really. But the downside to that is whenever a T would ask me questions, I would already know (or think I knew) what they were getting at or the angle they were working on and I think the lack of a bit of "mystery" ruined it a bit. And also I didn't need to trust the T because I had already seen oodles and oodles of stats about it so maybe that sort of cut out the interpersonal part of trust, blah blah.

But anyway. I know I still need to "work on things between sessions" but how can I do this without ruining everything? So far I just have left the whole idea of schema therapy alone - have held myself back (it was hard!! lol) from looking up anything even remotely to do with it etc. I never came across it much before so I have no knowledge about it other than what the T has told me. Im thinking this position of ignorance will benefit me in therapy (or at least moreso than what I used to do before). I don't have any biases or pro/con lists in my head this time around.

We haven't really gotten to the bit yet where you learn stuff in therapy and then take it home and use it. I know this will be one thing i have to do (makes sense to me). But other than that... what else?

Usually, when I think about working on things outside of sessions, researching is not what comes to mind. I consider working on things to be employing the skills you learn in therapy, and processing and reflecting on things you talked about in therapy. It's also becoming more aware of yourself and your reactions in between sessions. Just learning about the mode of therapy you're doing really doesn't do much in the way of helping you process what is going on with you specifically. Maybe, if you need specific tasks to work on in between sessions, you could ask your T for some suggestions.

Great response. This is the kinda stuff that I needed to read! Yeah you are right - researching gives you a general understanding of the type of therapy but doesn't give you any info about yourself in particular, true.

Also "becoming more aware of yourself and your reactions in between sessions". This is a good one too. Maybe I could think about things that come up between sessions in terms of the language and concepts used in therapy. Like for example she showed me a diagram to do with schemas and I could think of stuff in terms of that diagram, so I understand it better. And that would lead to processing and reflecting in the same language as the therapy.

TY for your reply! I will also ask T for some homework type things too, but your post was very insightful and practical. Thanks

My T loves it when I journal. I read them to her during session or sometimes she reads them, if I have journaled about a particularly difficult topic for me, and don't think I can read it without totally breaking down.

Sometimes I bring 3 or 4 pages to a session, sometimes just one.

There are times when she gives me homework, mostly just looking up stuff, so I have more knowledge about a particular dx of mine.

But mostly she just loves for me to journal.

I agree with the others the inbetween session work seems to be more surrounding the context of what specifically is discussed in therapy versus about the therapy it self. Some times my T gives me homework such as noticing how I'm reacting to certain situations, doing grounding exercises, finding self-compassion. Once I had to research crying in the context of the human condition but thats the extent of research.

Journaling is a good between session exercise.

Thanks guys, you have some great points there. Journaling is a cool idea too, I might try that again. TY everyone - now I got a bunch of stuff I can try.

I think you are still missing it; it's not about the language or concepts either! It is ONLY about YOU. You are not a book, you are not writing a book, you do not need to read books, study, or understand anything. You have the hard hard task of just being.

To put it in the words of schema therapy, you are overcompensating, using your intellect so you don't have to feel bad. However, you have to learn to feel good and bad if/when good and bad things happen to you and respond appropriately with yourself and the world around you.

You do not want to stay just in your head or respond just from your emotions. You are not just a head or just emotions (or just a body/physical sensations, or just a spiritual being, etc.). Therapy is about learning balance and learning to use our thoughts and emotions to inform us so we respond (in action) to ourselves and others in a way that is useful/helpful to us and them, mostly us.

Perna,

Ohhh I see what you are getting at there. I didn't even consider that - you are very right about the overcompensating, using intellect so I don't have to feel stuff. I didn't think I did that anymore but now that you bring it up and I think about it, you are right on the money. My last few therapists brought that up too.. I must be still doing it but not noticing it. Hmmmm Interesting.

Thanks for your reply! I will bring it up tomorrow at the session.

One reason I think many of us are overweight these days is because we aren't "doing" enough that we're passionate about. If one is in the "zone" with one's work, eating becomes almost a chore. I remember back in the 1950s, how "scheduled" my life was and how part of that was eating 3 meals a day; there weren't distractions where there were opportunities to eat; I was in school, outside playing/exercising, working on homework, etc.

Now we can do whatever we want and don't have much structure; even at work, you can eat; school does not just have "take it or leave it" in the cafeteria but choices of what to take or leave and, as we said in the training business, "beginners don't need choices". Give a child the choice between milk or water and soda when he hasn't been "trained" in eating healthy and he'll chose the soda. New, interesting fruit or same old apple or banana? :-)

I think that is what I would try for my "working on it between sessions" if I were you. Can you train yourself to not think of therapy, not "prepare" yourself between sessions? Can you get so into "living" instead of analyzing living that you are forced to be spontaneous when you get to your session?

oooh! you sound just like me! I also do research and in fact I'm reading a textbook on schema therapy right now (yes, actually a textbook for practitioners) --that said I'm also reading the popular book for clients called Reinventing your Life which is schema therapy for the layperson. That's helpful too but you know I found it a bit too emotionally difficult to read too much on my own so I only read a little at a time. I think it's best I work through that one with my therapist because it tends to make me anxious and cause panic attacks.

Other books however are very helpful for me to read and "work on" between sessions. Books on mindfulness and meditation. Pema Chodron. Tara Brach. So I read those and then I practice the deep breathing and relaxation exercises and I try to do as many things as mindfully as possible throughout the day. I also try to start each day with just ten minutes of meditation. I'm not very good at it yet but I feel good about trying.

(I haven't been able to meditate yet this morning because I feel so unsettled from last night's nightmares so I did deep breathing instead).

I agree with Perna if she's saying what I *think* she's saying about not thinking about it as "work" so much as "lifestyle changes" that you practice so regularly they become unconscious. You learn how to live differently than you have in the past and that's just a matter of practice. Slowing down the mind, relaxing the body, getting in tune with Wise Mind etc.

Just throwing some thoughts out there. I'm in the same place so can't pretend I have all the answers here. Good luck!

Isn't that irresponsible though?

You are supposed to work on therapy not just in the sessions, but outside as well. I would feel like one of those people who just turned up for classes but never did their homework or studied and therefore got failed in the class, hehe.

The living bit is a no go but in the future it will definitely be doable! I have as much structure in life as is possible at my extremely low level of functioning (well I have to really, or I would just be in bed soiling myself every day!). When I become more well and can leave the house etc I will definitely try the "get really into living thing".

Thanks for your response! I am very low functioning and have been for a long time (cannot shower, wash clothes, wash anything, leave the house etc) so lifestyle changes are not really on the cards yet. If I become more well and can do such things then yeah it would be a great thing to do. I eat healthy (luckily the person who cooks cooks healthy stuff) and I go to bed at a certain time, wake up at a certain time, take meds at a certain time. But that is all I can manage until I become more well. This is why I am asking these questions - so I can maximise my therapy and become more well and then have the option of doing those other things

Re the meditation and books, I will look into those. I can still read, which is a plus! More information thank you!

I agree with this completely. I've said before on these forums that I don't care what methods my T uses, and he's an eclectic psychotherapist, so who knows what he's doing at any point? I don't know, and I don't want to know because that could, as the OP said, ruin it. I have a tendency to over-think things. I don't want to get hung up and focused on his methods - it's not about him, it's about ME. This is where the trust thing comes in. If you can develop trust, then you can go where T leads without analyzing what he/she is doing, and focus on yourself.

Perna I was with you, with a lot of good points, till I got to this. T2 said once that that some people she sees are court-ordered, and from one week to the next, they don't give one thought to what was talked about last time, and it seems that this can be frustrating for the therapist.

these clients may be shutting the therapy out, I admit; their approach is not quite the same as 'getting into living, and coming in spontaneous', and then again it is. I have always thought that reflecting on what was talked about is part of my end of it, and when I come in we sort of pick up where we left off. not always, of course, but mostly we do.

this may be just because I am where I am in the process; if we were doing EMDR, or something, it would be different I suppose.

I rarely "work" on therapy in between sessions. I may journal if I'm in the mood, but otherwise I just live and try to apply what I am learning in T's office to my real world. That's the "work" of therapy. You can't live in a book in the middle of research information. That's not application of your learning.

My T has given me some specific homework from time to time; in fact, he just did yesterday. I will try to do it , but I won't beat myself up if for some reason I don't. You kind of have to do what you can do when you feel up to doing it.