[Alishia88]

Hello everone,

I´m new to the board and I really really hope I can find some help.
So here´s the thing, I´m 24 years old and I have been looking for a therapist for about a year. I started having problems 3 years ago after my father died of cancer ( I got anorexia, panic/anxiety disorder, depersonalisation, depression, which changed over time).
I´m DESPERATE to start therapy because I´m tired of looking. I´ve tested 14 therapists and at this point I just really want to start and get on with my life. I had many plans and rightnow my problems are freezing me into not doing anything.
So, it was down to 2 therapist. One that was very warm and friendly, an analytical therapist and a very direct to the point cognitive therapist.
I went for the first one because I just felt more comfortable with her.
But here´s the thing, I really want to get better and I had now 5 sessions with her and I don´t feel I´m gonna make that much progress there and am concerend about it.
She did not ask me many questions. I do not feel like she knows enough to actually evaluate my state and find a way to help me. It seems to me that she just sits back and listens to whatever I have to say. But I´m not sure what exactly I have to say/work on to be better.
The other one was straight to the point, i saw her 2 times and during that 2 times I got very interesting and enlightening ideas. She told me a lot and asked a lot and really seemed interested in getting to the roots of my problems. She seemed like a therapist that wants to understand the problem and then tackle it rightaway. I really felt good about the approuch but unfortunately her direct, sharp personality made me a little uncomfortable, I did not feel as if I could speak up against her without "being hurt" so I went for the other one. As said, I don´t feel quite well there either. What should I do? Switch to the one I do not feel so comfortable with but feel is more helpfull or stay and hope it will get better over time?

Sorry for the long post.
Please tell me what you would do!!! it´s urgent because insurance has already been informed

[kiki86]

i would probably pick the former therapist myself. i don't particularly like cognitive behavioural therapy. i don't think it's great for long term problems. you say you've had 5 session only. how long did it take you to get to the point you are now? because you're not going to see results straight away.

you say she listens to whatever you have to say- that's because she's getting to know you. you should always be talking much more than your therapist is!

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think the issue is that you've interviewed two therapists with very different styles.

The "analytical" therapist is going to take the time to get to know you, let you take the lead, listen to you talk, and probably not offer a lot of feedback unless you specifically ask for it. It will take longer to see results and they'll probably be more subtle at first. This approach tends to be more of get to the root cause, analyze it and figure out how to change thought patterns to affect behavior changes.

The "cognitive" therapist is going to jump right in with skills and behavior modification ideas. This approach is all about "right now" results. It spends less time on the underlying issue, and is more about dealing with immediate behaviors and making changes to them. The therapist is usually more directive, and more solution focused.

So, I guess, the question is...what do you want out of therapy? That will lead you to the therapist that might be the best fit for you. Alternately, if you really like the first therapist, you could stick with her, but ask her if she could offer you some skills for dealing with things right now, and ask her if she could help to lead you in the conversations, as you're not sure what would be helpful to talk about.

For me, the relationship with the therapist is the most important thing. I can't work with someone I don't feel comfortable with. The therapist I have now, I'm very comfortable with, and trust strongly. Sometimes, I need more feedback than she usually gives, so I just tell her that.

[learning1]

Wow, you sound like me as far as trying a ton of therapists. Sorry I don't think I can answer your question very reliably. I'd lean toward the one you think is challenging though, because if I were you and I didn't, I know I'd keep wondering about the challenging one if I didn't talk to them. Actually, I guess I did that myself-- about a year ago I was trying to decide about going back to a challenging t who I had seen briefly before, or continuing with a nicer one. I got up my courage eventually and I went to the challenging one. I continued for about a year. I stopped a few months ago and I'm struggling to make a decision whether to switch back to a nicer one now. I think I might be able to get more out of talking with a nicer one now, idk. I'm glad I went to the challenging one anyway because I'd still be wondering if I hadn't. I may go back to him but I'm not sure. As far as getting hurt by the challenging one, he has said some things that probably hurt me some (I mean more than just at the moment he said them), but overall I think it was better that I did it anyway. I think that since therapists generally try not to hurt people, even the pushy ones limit their pushiness.

Good luck!

Edit: I just reread your post. I had missed that the pushy therapist was a cognitive behavioral therapist before. I don't like cognitive behavioral therapy much, so I might not go to that one, idk. I think other posters gave a good explanation about the differences between cognitive behavioral versus more analytical therapy (as best as I know). OTOH, I think personal style counts for a lot, maybe more than the type of therapy. You said you don't think your current t can help, and that seems like it could be a red flag reason to switch. You've given it a good try with her- 5 sessions- so now would be a good time to decide I think.

[lostmyway21]

I agree with BR. The problem is you interviewed two totally therapy styles. If I were you I would research both of them and decide which therapy style you are most interested in and go with that therapist. Good luck!!!!

[autotelica]

Do you want someone to weave a narrative of your life?

If yes, go with the analytical one.

Do you want someone to give you "here and now" solutions, without trying to figure out the "why" behind every thought, feeling, and action?

If yes, go with the CBT.

If you like to talk or think you would benefit from talking, then you might be frustrated by CBT. But if you want advice rather than interpretation, you might not like the other one very much.

It depends on what your problems are and what your personality is like.

Personally, I chose my therapist just because her office was located down the street from me and she seemed nice enough during our first few sessions. I could have shopped around, I guess, but I knew that I wasn't going to fall in love with anyone after just a few sessions. So I "settled". But I've been working with her for a long time and don't regret my decision. I think it helps that she has more than one set of tricks up her sleeve. She does CBT, just not on me.

[WikidPissah]

Hi Alishia, welcome to PC!

The t's are polar opposites it seems. I think Rhiannon explained it very well. It really depends on what you need. I have a hard time speaking, so I needed a T that asks a lot of questions and really probes. Do you feel comfortable writing stuff out and bringing it to the "softer" T? She may just be waiting for you to steer her in the right direction.

My T is more CBT oriented, although not exclusively. I've been with him a LONG time and we've definitely gotten to the roots of my issues over the years. We get along well and I've made amazing progress. I would have gone nuts with a T who just sat there and expected me to do all the talking. Never would have worked for me. So, really, it is hard to say one particular methodology is "better" than another. That's what makes finding the match so difficult; we are all such different individuals with such different needs.

If it is a financial possibility, try staggering both for a few more sessions to get a better feel for them both since you are still feeling unsure about both of them. It is so hard to know anything after only a few sessions unless there is some blatant problem.

[adel34]

Hi Alicia,
Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry for all you're going through right now, good that you're doing such a thorough job looking for a therapist.
I agree with the other posters in that you have found two totally opposite styles of doing therapy with these two therapists. So it's really up to you in what you think will work best. What you're struggling with can be treated with either CBT or analytical therapy, so it's just up to you and what you think will work. I agree with the person who said that telling the analytical therapist that you have trouble talking and asking for some here and now advice is a good idea.
Personally I wouldn't want to go to a pushy too direct therapist. And I don't like CBT solution focused therapy. I think the relationship between therapist and client is most important, and I'm for therapy that fosters that connection. And I happen to like analytical therapy.
Good luck! Please let us know how this develops.

[geez]

My first T was a psychologist that did CBT and it helped me tremendously and I needed that for the state I was in but then as I 'got better' I feel like she couldn't help me get to the root of things.

My second T is more analytical and is helping me fix things at the root of things. Both T's I find special in their own way with their own style and knowledge.

I would ask yourself what do you need most right now? Someone who is comforting or someone who can give you quick 'results'. If you don't feel 'safe' with the second T then I would go with the first one for now until you find someone else or get to a place where you think you want to see the second T.

Keep us posted!

[Alishia88]

Hey everyone,

thank you very much for your responses.

I forgot to say that I live in germany, so our insurance pays for therapy, but you have to decide after the 5th session who you want.
Also, I´m not sure but I think german cognitive/behaviour therapists might work a little differently than american? i read a lot of american cb-books that were very much focused on changing behaviour, however the cb therapist i went to, it surprised me too, asked a lot of question about my family, past, childhood and asked me what i thought my reasons for problems were and offered explanations eg. my father´s behaviour, aswell.
so it´s not like she went straight to changing my thinking, but straight to finding the root and THEN changing it. Not sure how it is in the US; maybe the same.

Thank you for your opinions! I´ll think about what you said!

[geez]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

Hey everyone,

thank you very much for your responses.

I forgot to say that I live in germany, so our insurance pays for therapy, but you have to decide after the 5th session who you want.
Also, I´m not sure but I think german cognitive/behaviour therapists might work a little differently than american? i read a lot of american cb-books that were very much focused on changing behaviour, however the cb therapist i went to, it surprised me too, asked a lot of question about my family, past, childhood and asked me what i thought my reasons for problems were and offered explanations eg. my father´s behaviour, aswell.
so it´s not like she went straight to changing my thinking, but straight to finding the root and THEN changing it. Not sure how it is in the US; maybe the same.

Thank you for your opinions! I´ll think about what you said!

My CBT therapist was much the same as you described (I live in the USA). Based on what you posted it sounds like you made your choice?

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

She did not ask me many questions. I do not feel like she knows enough to actually evaluate my state and find a way to help me. It seems to me that she just sits back and listens to whatever I have to say. But I´m not sure what exactly I have to say/work on to be better.

I think you need to go back to this therapist and say these things to her and see what she says and what she does. If you want a therapist to ask you questions rather than wait for you to talk, say this is what you want and see if they are open to doing it and whether they can actually pull it off. I brought an issue to my T a couple of months ago and I told her that I wanted to her to ask me a bunch of questions, assessment-style, to see if I can figure out what was behind something (how I react) that was bothering me. She did and it was great. I've told her a couple of other times that I needed her to do something different, that she wasn't giving me enough in return. So she did.

I don't think that therapists "do" therapy like radiologists give you a cat scan. It is an interaction, and the way that therapy works best is when you can say what you want and they can give it to you, and that you work in an interactive way. You have to discuss what's bothering you with your T and see how she reacts. If she gets angry or says this is how I work and I am not changing, then I'd switch. But if she is capable and tries to work with you in a way that you feel is better, that's the ticket.

[Alishia88]

Thank you for your advice, very much ...
I had another thought: Can you do analytical and cb therapy at the same time?
or would that be counterproductive?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

Thank you for your advice, very much ...
I had another thought: Can you do analytical and cb therapy at the same time?
or would that be counterproductive?

I'm no expert on the subject but I would think why not?
CBT could help with goals and changing your perceptions of things which is really helpful and I've found analytical to be helpful for me in processing trauma experiences.

Not sure how the T would structure the appointment but would be interested to hear what others have to say.

[bluemountains]

My t is a clinical psychologist who uses CBT to help me keep my bipolar mood swings in check; however, she also uses analytical talk therapy to work on ptsd from csa and other childhood problems. I find this most useful for me because the CBT allows me to define and use strategies when necessary in my mental states, while the talk therapy is allowing me to slowly heal from my past.
Btw, I don't have nor do I want the loving relationship with my t that many posters discuss on this board. If you want this kind of relationship, you may consider going with the one who is the talk therapist instead of the more clinical one.
Bluemountains

[Alishia88]

I´m considering to let my insurance pay for the Analytical T
and pay the CBT myself. only maybe just every second week. and was wondering what you guys have to say to that.
I feel the need to be "safe" with a warm T, which is important to me. But I also would like some direct to the point advice so I guess it could be a solution.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

I´m considering to let my insurance pay for the Analytical T
and pay the CBT myself.

The generally accepted principle of psychotherapy would say that two therapists are not a good idea. However, you could try it and see if it works for you. It would be a good idea to ask both T's about such a plan and see what their perspective is.

[stopdog]

I see two. It works for me. Give it a try and see how it goes would be my approach.

[Alishia88]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I see two. It works for me. Give it a try and see how it goes would be my approach.

he stopdog, do you also see an analytical and CB therapist? Do they communitcate? How often do you see each?