[kiki86]

How many of you have told your T's you love them and what was their response?

I do think i love my T and i know he cares for me and likes me (he says he looks forward to our sessions!) but i don't think i'd ever actually SAY that i love him to his face. i'd be mortified!!

[lostmyway21]

I told my T.

He told me it was an endearing feeling, and he understood it because of my past, and that we have a great theraputic relationship.

[CantExplain]

I did several times and eventually she said, "I love you too."

My t and I say "i love you" every time we talk. After a hard hard talk a couple weeks ago she said, "I love you bunches and bunches." It was helpful to hear.

[Chopin99]

My T actually told me she loved me first. We say it to each other on occasion (maybe once every couple of months, initiated by either) but her actions actually portray that love more than the words do.

Wow...thinking about some of the words and actions between us actually brings me to tears.

I know I couldn't say it and I doubt he would say it to me. He'd probably think it was inappropriate. He has said he cares about me and stuff like that, but it's not exactly the same.

[kiki86]

i'm surprised at how many T's tell their patients they love them. i don't know for sure of course but i suspect my T would think that crosses boundaries. (not saying he's right, i just think that would be his position)

[WikidPissah]

nope. no way never. I don't "love" him. I do respect him and I sometimes like him.

[kiki86]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

nope. no way never. I don't "love" him. I do respect him and I sometimes like him.

that's how i've felt about my past T's, i've respected and liked them. i prefer it that way. sometimes i think my intense feelings for my T get in the way of me doing good therapeutic work because i'm too concerned with whether he will still like me if i say xyz. plus it makes it so much more difficult that he's moving to a new placement.

i do wonder what the difference is. why did i just like my old t's but i adore this one? is it just as simple as human chemistry, some people you connect with better than others or is it to do with the time in my life that this relationship happened?

My T has said it to me. I don't recall ever saying it to him.

[autotelica]

I don't think I would ever allow myself to say it. But my therapist does it for me.

I told my t. A couple times actually. She's never said it to me, little miss perfect boundaries that she is and all but...... well, whatever. It's all good. The connection that we've developed is more important than a few little words anyways!

(This is what I tell myself anyway.)

[healed84]

Nope, never have and I don't think I ever will. I can't imagine either of us saying it to each other ever. I do respect him, though.

[stopdog]

I cannot envision such an exchange.

[Lauru]

I said it to my T of 7 years a few months ago. She smiled and said how nice that was. All I felt was "ouch. That hurt."

[rainboots87]

I haven't said it because I don't think it's something I feel. I'm very attached to my (ex)T, really admire her and look up to her, and have even told her "I just really like you." I really want to be friends with her, but totally get why that could never happen for both her benefit and mine. "Love" just doesn't really capture my relationship with her, though. I'm also sure she would NEVER say it to a client. When I was having some issues with the impending termination, she shared with me these words: “If you want to know that I care about you, I care about you. If you want to know that you’re important to me, you’re important to me. I want you to know that I want only for the best, most kind and helpful people to cross your path and stay with you. I want you to like yourself and believe that you’re deserving.” She went on to say that we don’t have to talk to have a connection, and wherever I go, the relationship will be with me. She’ll be with me and a part of me. Hearing those words made my freakin' day!

When I told her that I really like her and also wrote her a short letter about how I wish we could be friends and that it hurts that we can't, she thanked me for holding her in such high esteem. She's also shared that she's invested in me and other stuff that means a lot to me. So I think we had a really good bond and caring relationship, but "love" just wasn't how either of us would describe it.


If you feel something, whether love or anything else, I think it's good to share that with your T. They might already know and, if not, it'll be good to discuss or at least get it out there.

Yes, I told my current T "I love you" several times (and I also have written this in emails). Her response the first time was "You do know that I love you." She said that for her saying "I love you" in response to someone saying to her she reserves for her husband and her mom (no kids). One time she said "I know you do," which didn't feel so great at the time even though I know that she loves me. Another time I said "we love you" (meaning all parts of me) and she responded "We love you, too." A few of other times when I've been in a rough place she's said "I love you" or "You know that I love you" when giving a 'pep talk.' We've also talked about how, on a personal level, she doesn't feel that it's necessary to say "I love you" often to people in general because it's just there and it's like stating the obvious. Like Chopin said, her actions and the way she looks at me with so much caring and love in her eyes scream out "I love you."

Originally Posted by kiki86

How many of you have told your T's you love them and what was their response?

I do think i love my T and i know he cares for me and likes me (he says he looks forward to our sessions!) but i don't think i'd ever actually SAY that i love him to his face. i'd be mortified!!

It's all part of the therapy. It's not for the therapist to reciprocate. It's more about the therapist interpretating that feeling for you. Bring it fully into awareness.

[anilam]

I'm lazy, so I'm just borrowing WikidP post.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

nope. no way never. I don't "love" him. I do respect him and I sometimes like him.

sometimes I hate him and I think/hope that my T feels the same about me.

[Nightlight]

I do love my therapist, but I've never told her that. I don't think I've ever said it to anyone in my entire life, now that I stop to think about it. I have told her that she means a lot to me. I'm having a really hard time (bit of a long story) and I don't know if I'll be brave enough, but I really want to tell her at my next appointment that it will be my last. I'll probably be too pathetic and change my mind before then. If I manage to end it, I'd like her to know how I feel...even if it doesn't really matter to her. I think the only way I'll be brave enough to say it, is if it's the last time I ever see her. I know (I feel it) that she doesn't feel the same way about me, but that's okay. She has told me that she cares, and I know that's true. So, maybe I'll be brave enough to say it to the first person I've felt that way about, on the last day I'll ever see them. Silly, really.

[Dreamy01]

No I haven't said it to my current T and I very much doubt she would say it to me. To be honest I don't want her to. I think it would feel too much for me at this time of my life. I also think that it's easy to become too reliant on words and their meanings. I think what it is more important is the quality of the relationship, whether that is seen as 'love' or not.

Many years ago I did say it to my first T but written down in a card. Some time later my T said something very lovely that clearly was 'I love you' but in a very different, unique way. However, I already knew I was loved and cared about. It was very obvious. It was nice to hear it for sure, but I already knew in my heart.

Former T never, ever said it. She was not that way inclined at all. But I had absolutely no doubt that she cared even though our relationship got to a stage where it was no longer theraputically helpful.

And as I said, current T would almost certainly never say it. I would be shocked if she did. But that's okay with me. I want to feel a connection that is based on that - feelings - not on interpretations of words, as they can be easily confused and misunderstood. Not only that, the word 'love' means so many different things to different people. Its connotations are huge. I think that is why many therapists choose not to even go there.

[sunrise]

My T has said it a couple of times to me, and I have reciprocated. But mostly, I just know the truth of this and don't say it out loud. I'm comfortable just knowing and feeling.

[kiki86]

But that's okay with me. I want to feel a connection that is based on that - feelings - not on interpretations of words, as they can be easily confused and misunderstood.

i think this is a lovely way to think.

[athena.agathon]

This thread scared the bejesus out of me at first, but I started reading it and kind of think it's lovely now.

I've never said the words in therapy and I never will, but I think I loved my previous therapist. She was trustworthy and reliable in a way that no one had ever been for me before, so of course I felt that way. It's tricky though, because I know I was always getting the best of her...she can't be that way in real life, in her own relationships. I know she cared about me, but I think love is too strong a word.

That said, I'm a social worker (not a therapist) and I definitely feel love for many of my clients. I would never tell them, because it's a professional relationship, but I think they can see that I care.

[adel34]

Yes, I've told my voice movement therapist that I love her. The first time she was holding me when I said it, and so she just held me even tighter and after a while just said,"Thank you." but like she really meant it.
Since then she's said it back to me. I'm so grateful I found someone who's able to hold those strong feelings. And as others have pointed out, it's true for me too that her actions speak so clearly even if she hadn't said it back, it's clear she loves me.