[critterlady]

** trigger for childhood physical abuse **

I just came from the hardest session I've ever had. A couple of weeks ago, something came up for me that I swore I would never, ever talk to any T about. I never intended for it to come up, but, as so often happens, it popped out.

I went into session this morning convinced that I'd made a big deal out of nothing and that I no longer thought of it as a big deal. T suggested that I was simply trying to "take it back" so I wouldn't have to deal with the hurt. He started asking me questions about what had happened and how I had responded. Near the end, he recapped what I'd told him, looked at me and said "that's what an abused child does."

I'm floored and in shock. I have never thought of what my parents did as abuse. I thought every kid got spanked and hit the way I was. Every kid learned not to cry so as not to further anger her parent. Every kid blamed herself for not reading her parent's mood correctly.

Naming it as abuse is terrifying, even though I'm far from being that small vulnerable child. I'm still shaking.

[pbutton]

Having something that seemed fairly "normal" labeled as abuse can really shake you to the core. I've been there. It's such an oddly terrifying feeling. I felt like I'd misunderstood my whole life.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I felt like I'd misunderstood my whole life.

This is pretty hard to face. First ya feel stupid, then you realize how freakin brave you are, existentially speaking.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by hankster

This is pretty hard to face. First ya feel stupid, then you realize how freakin brave you are, existentially speaking.

That is a good point. Eventually it hit me that if I could deal with that at 4 and still grow up "okay", now that I'm 36 I should be able to tear limbs off of zombies with my bare hands. I'm extra-super-tough now.

[critterlady]

Right now, I'm still feeling stupid and like my foundation just cracked and shifted. I hope I get to brave eventually.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by critterlady

Naming it as abuse is terrifying, even though I'm far from being that small vulnerable child. I'm still shaking.

You've brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry critterlady, seeing it as abuse is so hard.

[unaluna]

and that's when the r/s with T becomes so important, yet so simple. It's like somebody helping with the dishes - all of a sudden it's more fun and half as much work, whereas before it was a horrible chore and burden to be faced alone. With a buddy? - it's almost fun! But we were left alone so often to deal with things, and having a "buddy" along usually made things worse, not better - we paid dearly for any kind of companionship. Well, it's not like that with T. So take that helping hand.

[stopdog]

It is hard. I think what my parents did was normal too. The therapists keep insisting it was not. Abuse sounds so harsh.

((((((((critterlady)))))))))

sending safe hugs

critterlady, this is a tough situation. I remember telling my T about a normal day in my childhood and he got all weepy. I was perplexed, then horrified and then perplexed and pissy again. What I thought was totally normal was enough to make a person who actually IS normal cry. Wrapping your head about the fact that your 'normal' is someone else's 'abuse' is so very hard. Big hugs to you.

[krisakira]

That's pretty much how i felt when I was told what my parents did was physical abuse... I didn't believe it for a while. I had myself convinced that I made a big deal out of nothing, and that somehow they didn't understand what really happened, or even that I had somehow lied to them. I was told this at age 17 after being abused my whole childhood. I am 24 now and do believe it was abuse now. But over the past few years I have been battling it. Every time I talk about it in T, it becomes more clear that what happened was abuse. I was spanked a lot and my physical abuse was mostly from "punishment" going too far. I was also emotionally/verbally abused. You have a long hard road ahead of you, but I am here if you want to talk.

[critterlady]

I definitely am taking that helping hand, Hankster. My T is awesome and I can't even begin to imagine going through any of this without him to lean on. As long as he sticks with me, I'll be okay in the end.

Kris, that's what happened with my parents as well - punishment gone too far. And ever since I left T's office, I've been thinking, "maybe that isn't really what happened. Maybe I've inflated it in my mind over the years."

I want to take it all back and crawl into bed and not come out.

[karebear1]

I remember pushing the words "abusive and neglectful" out of my head the first 5 or 6 times T said it to me. Couldn't or wouldn't hear them. then, when I finally did- could hardly believe it was true. Right now, based on the dreams I've had over the past week or so, I think I'm entering the angry phase. Sooooooooo scarey!!!

hang in there CL........there are many of us that have gone through or are going through what you are! You have lots of support here!

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Wrapping your head about the fact that your 'normal' is someone else's 'abuse' is so very hard. .

This is the hardest part.

[critterlady]

Well, I've stopped shaking. I'm still pretty unglued. I see T on Thursday. It seems years away.

[athena.agathon]

Just wanted to add my voice to the me-too chorus...it's such an amazing/weird/empowering thing to see so many people having had the same experience.

I'm still really uncomfortable using the "a" word, even for things that seem pretty obviously abusive (like injuries and sex). I think the vulnerability is so hard..of course we resist being told it wasn't normal and that it was abuse...that means we weren't in control of the situation!

I'm sorry you're going through this. i am certainly relating as i just last week started talking to my t about the same kinda thing and she said that it was abuse and i wasn't really wanting to hear that and started making my usual excuses for my dad ('well he always apologized later' etc) and she re-emphasized that it was abuse and that is sure hard to hear isn't it we will be talking about it again tomorrow and the anger that I have been repressing or whatever all these years I just turned 50 this month. it's sending me into a tailspin and we've barely begun talking about it. you're very brave. i am so scared of talking about my anger. more scared of my anger than anything else right now. weird. hugs to you. this is so hard.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by critterlady

Well, I've stopped shaking. I'm still pretty unglued. I see T on Thursday. It seems years away.

i feel like this all the time. just wanted u to know you're not alone. its hard to hear the words abuse and neglect. very very hard to wrap your head around.

[KazzaX]

I can relate to the original post, except for me it was emotional abuse not physical. I thought all parents said the same things as mine!! And when one of the Ts kept pushing that it was abuse I was like "wtf... are you sure??". It feels likea big smack in the face when they tell you that. But at the same time it answers a lot of questions.

Originally Posted by KazzaX

...it answers a lot of questions.

it does... yes it does....