I just want a trusting relationship with a therapist

That's all I'm asking for. I'm asking for something close. Someone I can learn to trust. Someone who doesn't take advantage of my diagnosis. Someone who isn't "fresh out of college". I always get stuck with crappy therapists. And now they want me to just use a caseworker as a therapist for right now, because my insurance doesn't cover anyone else. I have DID. I need my parts to feel safe with a therapist. Not a caseworker who refuses to break barriers with me. I know, because I know this caseworker. I need professionals. Not this. THIS is ridiculous. I am tired of being thrown around the mental health world, like the piece of trash that I am.

And that stupid team leader prepped my old therapist to say all this negative stuff about me. He was saying something about how "I use the program for things I could be doing on my own". And then the leader's boss was like "how about we talk about positive things" and then everybody said I was independent? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. I never call you assholes for rides. I make my own appts. I ask for my medications ahead of time. I push all of you away and I'm USING THE PROGRAM!? What happened to "I need to learn to use the program". Why is everything so black and white!? I finally start accepting help, just a little bit, asking for help finding therapists and such, taking some pressure off myself and now I'm overusing the program? WTF ever. Of course I'm wrong, because I'm the patient.

I don't know what to say. I wish things were better for you.

You ARE NOT TRASH!!!

Just because you are getting the run around don't expect me to buy for one second that you are not a good person who deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.

You deserve consistent, quality care, just like everyone else. You are also as entitled to all the services and help that you qualify for. Using the system is much different then abusing it.

The whole entire meeting was horrible. I've brought a lot of people in to give me more of a voice, because my team will nag at me until I am in shambles and crying. I have my doctor there, who stands up for the patient. The boss of the boss, who stands up for the patient and even my mom, who I have been very open about how horrible they can be. It's not even them. It's the team leader and she heads everything. For some reason she always feels like she has to knit pick me and argue with me and tell me everything I do wrong. And she'll even prep her team to do the same, and they follow her like little ducklings. Well most of them. The nurse doesn't, but I think she feels helpless about what to do, because she just sort of sits there silently, trying to read me. I asked that the team leader be taken off my case and she was, but she still shows up at team meetings and today gave me a lecture about how I need to work with everybody on the team. (including her). I got up and walked away, saying nothing.

First the team leader started the meeting off by prepping my old therapist (who I adored) to start saying all this negative stuff about me. Finally after about 2 minutes the team leader's boss stepped in and was like "How about we stay some positive stuff instead". And he made everyone in the room tell me something positive. But it felt pretty useless, because he made them do it. It did aid in moving the meeting in a better direction though.

And now they want me to work with a caseworker who will report right back to this woman everything that I say? I don't think that's a good idea. I don't like this woman. I never have. I have always made that clear to them. In the past I just "dealt" with her, but when her drama, started becoming my drama, there became an issue. I am a client. You are my provider. You should not be picking fights with me. I only feel the need to get defensive when SHE'S in the room.

Honestly when he started saying all that negative stuff I thought he was going to say "And so we have come to the conclusion that we can no longer help you". And I was going to fall to the ground, curl up in a ball and thank Jesus it was all over. I can't leave. It would be the stupidest move of my life. They have a lot of power in the community. They keep me out of hospitals, which traumatize me. But if they threw me out. It would mean they thought I could handle it.

I really like the doctor too. He's exceptional. Never find another one like him. Exceptional. He told me today that "I recently read that the person who founded DBT had severe borderline personality disorder. It just reminded me of what your story will be like".

I am really, really sorry this is going on. I don't the details of your situation but it sounds like a lot of your problems are related to abuse and trauma, and having trust and a feeling that therapists and doctors are on your side is central to getting better. It does NOT sound like this care team is on your side. And I'm really bothered by that...aside from it being not helpful, I don't think it's professional behavior. And your previous posts about them are not encouraging, either.

I'm glad the supervisor's supervisor stepped in and tried to redirect the meeting, but it sounds like too little too late. You are "difficult" for them to treat, so they have decided to think you are "bad," which is NOT the case! And it is not OK or standard practice for them to operate that way.

You know when you're being kicked and punched and your automatic reflex is to curl up into a ball so they can't hurt the vulnerable parts of you? That's exactly what is happening to me.

I'm really shocked at my response to his possibility of saying that I was being released from the program. I thought I would be sad. But I was preparing myself. He was talking.

"And so we feel that we as a program have let you use us for things you can do yourself and that we have held you back and are holding you back"

And I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to say it.

"And we don't feel we as a program can help you anymore".

When he was talking I was just soothing myself "it's over. it's okay. it's over".

But he never said it.

I just wish the team leader would admit her dislike towards me, so that she could stop pretending to want to work with me. Because it ends in us fighting constantly. And I don't fight with anyone. I'm scared to death of arguing with people. It makes me so anxious. You see what one meeting has done to me? It's been two days and I am still on my toes over it.

idk, a TRUSTING r/s, what does that mean? who can you trust? I have a hard time trusting my one T. I have difficulty trusting my friends. I REALLY don't trust my family. I do kinda trust my gp, but even he has made mistakes, which are partly my fault cos i'm kinda crazy, but still; what is he not doing correctly now cos he thinks I won't be compliant? Trust means to be compliant, and that has always meant danger for people like us.

so I started with 1. just not yelling at my T anymore and 2. I told him that, everytime he tells me something I wiil automatically answer him "no". My mother does the same thing, she disagrees with everybody, period. I inherited this bad bad habit. it is impossible to stop on your own.

To stop it, I told T he needs to stop, grab my attention somehow, and THEN say whatever, and then I usually agree with it! It's weird!

So now he'll go, "well, this just occurred to me, but..." and i'll get all excited to hear what he has to say, and even encourage him. At least this way, I can at least START to work on my issues. Because otherwise, no one could even get thru to me, cos they believed what I was SAYING, because they couldn't hear what I was FEELING. So I wonder what message is being l0st in your translations?