Freaking Out - Pocket riders please!

Good luck!

What time is your appt? 10? There's still time.

Are you in? No posts is a good sign, right?

I'm now curled up on the couch trying to not let my emotions take over. I feel so ANGRY right now I may have to leave. Grrr.

Stay there. It is ok to be angry. Hang in there.

Thank you psbutton I needed that. Later.....

That's what we need on this board - an "in session" button. Click it as you head in the office & we will all know your status. That would be perfect.

((((P)))) fantastic idea...how can we make this happen

((((geez)))) u ok, Friend? Hug to you.

I feel like fainting just thinking about going to my new T. I wish T1 didnt move away

Thinking of you, geez.

hope it went okay

Are you okay, geez? Getting worried that you haven't posted because it went badly or something.

How things went today:

SHE WAS LATE

When I went in her office I was shaking I was so angry. She asked me what was going on with me in that moment and I told her I was angry. I told her I was afraid to admit to myself that I was angry with her last week. I didn't want her to be angry with me.

I told her I was upset with her because she was late last week and today. I also told her how I was angry about how my husband mentioned that "I like therapy".

As for my husbands comment I told her it felt like he was saying I shouldn't be in therapy or I don't have a reason to be in therapy. Things aren't that bad.

As for her being late she told me she was sorry. She said she could see how that would upset me. She also said that her keeping track of the time is her responsibility and when she goes over with clients it's because there is something important going on in that moment or a person is having a difficult time. She then asked me how I felt if the anger was still there and I said yes. I asked her if she got my email and I apologized for sending it. I told her in that moment the emotions took over and I was embarrassed about that.

She said as for time she goes over with many clients but she also goes late if she starts late (that wasn't the case with me last week - I watch the clock ). I told her I also had some jealousy about what goes on in the therapy room and I have feelings of not being valued or that I really matter. She told me that she likes seeing me and finds me intelligent and interesting (I personally think she was blowing smoke up my a55 - but who knows for sure).

We also talked about me feeling like I'm being taken advantage of in my friendship when it comes time. Thankfully my a n a l retentive husband the engineer is spot on schedule all the time so I've never really knew I had an issue with time. - I know it all relates to something from my past. I just need to figure it all out and process it.

She said I am very critical of people in my relationships (true). I hold a very high standard in my relationships along (something my husband actually finds attractive in me ironically! - LOL!) in addition to being hard on myself. She said that no relationship is perfect but I need to figure out where my lines are and try approaches with being vocal in a constructive way. If people don't respect the lines then I need to make the decision to move on.

As for the time issue my T said this:

I need to decide if the time is an issue for me and if so she can help me find another therapist if I choose. (in some way I kind of think that's a good idea because right now I don't feel attached to her so now would be the best time to split - IMO)
She said I can choose to be angry and stay with it or move on.

I don't know if I can do this or not.
Do I want my therapy to be about my T being late and me being triggered? Can I get past this. Maybe it's good that I can be angry at her because then I wont be attached. Being attached hurts to much when there's a goodbye at the end.

I don't feel like I can trust this T. Not sure what to do?
I may start a new thread on this topic about T going over time etc...

PS - she went over an hour with me. 1hour 12 mins.

Man, geez. Not sure what to say. I get ticked off that my T is perpetually a few minutes late starting with me, even when he doesn't go over with the person ahead of me, and he has only once gone over with me. I get jealous because I know other people who see him and they both talk about how often he goes over with them (and they never mention him starting late with them). I know it feels awful and how jealous I get.

Also, I get the part about not wanting to be so attached and getting out while the getting's good. My T made some comment about continuing therapy after taking a break, sometimes even for years. At the time, I thought to myself there's no way in hell that I would start therapy again with this same man because it is just too painful and I don't want to say goodbye twice.

However, if TIME is the only issue, are you sure you want to walk away? Is there something of value in this relationship that you would be losing? Trust is huge for me, so if you REALLY don't trust your T, maybe it is time for a different one?

MKAC I will answer later but just an fyi.....

That client was there after me but I chose to sit on the couch on the other side of the room so I could watch her leave but once she turned for the door she couldn't see me :-)

I did tell T that I had jealous feelings about time but I didn't tell her the particulars. I'm sure she figured it out as she said: "You think that you aren't as special as others or important in this room but you are."

I'm kinda with MKAC. Now might be the time to get out.

I am usually the last client of the day. When she doesn't have an appointment before me, she's on time. Many times when she does have a client prior to me, she runs over by 5-10 minutes. I don't get angry about it, but it does annoy me.

However, I have to take into consideration a few things.

1. She made a professional resolution at the beginning of the year that she was going to be more time-conscious. She regularly ran over with me prior to that; she still does at times...up to 15 minutes on a couple of occasions.
2. I try to think of the client before me. I would not like to be interrupted in the middle of something I feel is important, so I try to give that person the same consideration.
3. Before she made the resolution, she habitually ran over session by 15-30 minutes. She gave me quite a bit of extra time.
4. Most of the time, she writes her notes at the end of the day. So when I run over by 15 minutes, she's there an extra 15 minutes writing notes. I don't like to have to stay at work any longer than I have to...and I work in mental health with people I love.

If there are certain things you know you can't get past and/or cannot take into consideration with your current T (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that), it might be time to find a T you can trust. When the attachment kicks in, that's when it's hard.

You did a good job stating your feelings. Be proud of yourself for that!

If I can't get past this or it's a forever distraction then yes.

She does emdr. The reason for me seeing her to begin with. I haven't started it per se. Perhaps I just use her for that and see where it gets me??


I don't know if I can trust her if she can't be on time.

((((geez)))) I may get a boatload of criticisms here for saying this, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway.

And I may be taking this whole thing wrong, or I am not privy to something...

That said, for the Ts:

Your T is correct. SHE is responsible for keeping the time in her other sessions; therefore, it is her responsibility to stop the previous session, so you have a proper (timely) session, as well.

If SHE chooses to go over time with someone else - at your expense - without an apology or explanation to you immediately (the second she sees you), then I think she is just plain rude. And not caring of YOUR time.

It sounds as if you had to bring it up first. And THAT is what I find highly annoying. And totally unacceptable.

We are all adults here. Right? So if she is late, then she knows it, and an apology is in order. Then you can discuss how you feel, how she feels, maybe she'll explain a little something, etc. and you can move on...

Yes, she could sit there with the other person and let them go on and on and cry and have a crisis, etc....but the fact that she didn't acknolwedge SOMETHING to you, is what is unacceptable to me. I don't know anyone that enjoys be kept waiting. Especially for the T

(If it's a hair salon or doctor's appt, then I am more flexible because they just suck with time and excuses...I expect them to be late. If I am not comfortable with that, I can certainly go elsewhere).

I try to be very respectful other people's time, because I expect the same in return. I find it rude, annoying and tiresome if someone is constantly late. and especially if they do not acknowledge it. Then I find it disrespectful, actually (what in the world...the clock revolves around them only and changes willy-nilly depending upon their mood, schedule, the weather,etc.? (well maybe so in their world, but if that isn't OK for you, then that is fine))

So, the bottom line is this: what do I want to do about it? It's your - precious - time, too. She obviously doesn't respect it enough to offer (what appears to be) an unsolicited apology. You can talk to her about that and tell her how THAT makes you feel. And if she isn't receptive, then you can decide next steps.

I also find it odd that she would be so quick to dismiss you in such a manner and be so defensive: "So...yes, I was late...that's my style. if you don't like it, find someone else."

Thank you so much for your thoughts Rose. The one caveat to all this is what if the therapist is late in starting your session and yet at the same time ends the your session late therefore giving you the 'time' your paying for (last week however I didn't get all my time)? Is this acceptable? I'm not sure?

It would be acceptable to me as long as I got the time I pay for. But for some, time is important whether just in general or because they have to be back at work, or pick up kids, etc. I do not believe there is just one "acceptable" across the board, but rather what is acceptable to the parties involved. It is okay for something to not be acceptable as far as I can see. In a situation such as this I would ask myself if the irritation at the therapist being late outweighed the reasons I see her. If in the balance I find I am more irritated than the benefits outweigh, I find a new one.

From what you wrote, your Ts attitude left a bad taste in my mouth ... I am sort of stuck about the part that you had to bring up the subject and she seemed to be so cavalier about it. AND the fact that she had a 'tude about it. Sorry!

To your question, if there is nobody after me, then I think that is fabulous (and highly appreciated) if we can make up the time (go "over").

If there is someone after me, then I don't mind ending on time. I know my T would make apologies and explain, etc. and I want to be respectful of the next person.

If I needed more time, we would discuss meeting again that week or having a phone session...

It's crazy but 50 minutes can go by so quickly!

For me, it all goes back to respecting other peoples' time and acknowleding mis-steps.

I hope that helped a teeny bit.

Excellent point! I have some thinking to do. In the mean time I'm going to call my marriage T and see if there is anyone she could recommend. I may give T2 one more shot and try and make a go of the emdr. Before I do the emdr I'm going to contact T2 and see if it's something we can do two appointments from now.... the reason for seeing T2 to begin with. One more try before throwing in the towel.

What I need is

Yes I did feel she had an attitude about it to a degree (she seemed cold) while at the same time being honest. She said this was her flaw and it was her responsibility and if it's something I will continue to be angry (because she's late) about then she could help me find someone else. I suppose I wouldn't worry so much if I felt like I didn't have to keep track of the time.

I FEEL that for someone who is going through trauma therapy at least for me it's important to have SECURE BOUNDARIES. IF THERE ARE ANY T'S OUT THERE READING THIS TAKE THAT MESSAGE IN. YOUR CLIENTS WOULD APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND APOLOGIES up front for being late ARE OK. IT MAY JUST SAVE YOUR CLIENT A LITTLE BIT OF ANGUISH!!

My T2 did apologize for being late after I brought it up and lied about to me and herself about making up the time at the end when she runs late (at my appointment last week I had a 48 minute session). This week my appointment was an hour and 10 minutes. - I feel bad for the person after me.

Sorry for all the ranting. A nerve has been hit.

Just thought of something funny I great goodbye present or something to bring in my next appointment - an EGG TIMER!!!!!

Feel free to post on the new thread I started: Freaking out - Quit therapist? I'm going to copy and paste some of this thread onto that thread so people don't have to bother reading in two places.

Thank you all!

egg timer!