[Emptty]

*warning*mention of csa(I think there should be a warning, I don't know)

I was sitting with my T the other night and talking about my relationship with my father and T asked me if I thought my father ever sexually abused me. I didn't answer because I didn't know why he would ask that(and I don't know if he did, I don't remember him doing anything but I don't know). I feel angry that my T would ask me and I don't even want to bring it up to him because I feel it was not appropriate of him to ask. I have never told my T that I thought there was any possibility of my father doing that. My fathers crazy and I dislike him enough without my T asking me if he was a molester because I don't go to therapy to trash-talk my parents.

I've been very close to my T for awhile and it makes me uncomfortable that he would come out and ask something like that. I feel so angry and I know I should talk to him about this but I don't think my anger is justified.. all I keep thinking is that my T must think badly of me. I've been obsessing over his question since he asked. I'm so sick of the invasive-ness of therapy. My T doesn't even talk that much but somehow things get dragged up from the grave all the time. Therapy keeps getting harder... my emotions and feelings are very intense... they're unbearable. I've been in therapy for a long time and although my depression and my problems have "gotten a lot better than they were" I feel like I have more problems than I did when I started. It's one problem after another. Once I think I'm OK, I find another issue to tear me up inside. I ****in hate therapy. My ****in T has me hooked, it's like a ****in addiction. I want out but the feelings are too intense, it's like they're wrapped around my throat and I can't get loose without choking myself.

I just want to cry. Therapy is so ****in stupid. I don't even know how it's suppoed to help in the long run. Initially it seemed so helpful but everything collapsed and I'm trying to do the work in therapy, I'm trying to do the right thing but everything hurts so much.. I want to be better. I don't want to NEED therapy anymore. I'm so sick of it but I can't stop.

That was one of the first questions my therapist asked, on my first visit.
Was I ever molested by my parents.
I said no, but I was by a priest once.

We never spoke more about it.

[unaluna]

does your T know about your being abused when you were 13?

[Emptty]

Originally Posted by hankster

does your T know about your being abused when you were 13?

Yes he does. He also knows my father was physically abusive when I was little, 2-12(which he was but not that bad).

I just feel shocked that T would ask that. I don't know why it makes me so angry. I'm sick of therapy :-(

[unaluna]

no, I meant what happened when you were 13, I thought you said something happened of a sexual nature then. I think that's what he was trying to find out about. i'm confused.

[Emptty]

Originally Posted by hankster

no, I meant what happened when you were 13, I thought you said something happened of a sexual nature then. I think that's what he was trying to find out about. i'm confused.

When I was 13(acttually from 12-14) I was involved sexually with a man who was dating my friends mom when I first met him the details aren't important. T knows about that.

I don't know what that has to do with my father though. We haven't talked much about it but my sexual relations or abuse, whatever you want to call it has nothing to do with my father or "me possibly being sxually abused by my father"

[unaluna]

gotcha, sorry, my head is just cloudy. yeah, therapy IS crappy and embarrassing and yucky and difficult, but that's when you know you're doing it right. sux.

Originally Posted by Emptty

*warning*mention of csa(I think there should be a warning, I don't know)

I was sitting with my T the other night and talking about my relationship with my father and T asked me if I thought my father ever sexually abused me. I didn't answer because I didn't know why he would ask that(and I don't know if he did, I don't remember him doing anything but I don't know). I feel angry that my T would ask me and I don't even want to bring it up to him because I feel it was not appropriate of him to ask. I have never told my T that I thought there was any possibility of my father doing that. My fathers crazy and I dislike him enough without my T asking me if he was a molester because I don't go to therapy to trash-talk my parents.

I've been very close to my T for awhile and it makes me uncomfortable that he would come out and ask something like that. I feel so angry and I know I should talk to him about this but I don't think my anger is justified.. all I keep thinking is that my T must think badly of me. I've been obsessing over his question since he asked. I'm so sick of the invasive-ness of therapy. My T doesn't even talk that much but somehow things get dragged up from the grave all the time. Therapy keeps getting harder... my emotions and feelings are very intense... they're unbearable. I've been in therapy for a long time and although my depression and my problems have "gotten a lot better than they were" I feel like I have more problems than I did when I started. It's one problem after another. Once I think I'm OK, I find another issue to tear me up inside. I ****in hate therapy. My ****in T has me hooked, it's like a ****in addiction. I want out but the feelings are too intense, it's like they're wrapped around my throat and I can't get loose without choking myself.

I just want to cry. Therapy is so ****in stupid. I don't even know how it's suppoed to help in the long run. Initially it seemed so helpful but everything collapsed and I'm trying to do the work in therapy, I'm trying to do the right thing but everything hurts so much.. I want to be better. I don't want to NEED therapy anymore. I'm so sick of it but I can't stop.

For some reason I think your T should have asked this question - before- he decided to sexually abuse you in treament. I can understand that you are angry and confused and don´t like therapy right now.

Also if I had to look into the mind of a T who has an sexsual relationship with a 18 year old client...would it not be in the T´s interest to get you to say that you were abused by your father so it is all in your head really, that your T even touched you, it´s all do to you having a paternal transference or what ever? That would look better in court. A T in my country did this and other horrific stuff to young girls your age when being charge ( saying it was all because these girls were abused in childhood an so on). He ended up loosing his career and can´t practise anymore- Every single girl thought she was unique-He was charge with several asults..

Just to be on the save side: I only responded with my feelings on this topic from reading your other posts. I am not saying that would not be a reasonable question for a T to ask and I don´t know your other life circumstances I am just stating an opinion sort of. And Empty did you decide if you will she that female T you called?

Therapy CAN make you worse, I know myself and it is hard to let go of a T. I can feel your pain! But I do hope since this is also illegal and does not benefit you that you will at least just give it a go with that other T. Worse case scenario...you might even like it. Hugs

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy is the scariest, hardest work you will ever do....but the best.....The only way it works, is if you are honest. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

If you are confused or angry about something your t says, it needs to be addressed. Once he answers the question as t why he asked you about if your father molested you, you can discuss it and go on to something else.

There is no way to know why he asked it, unless you ask him. Get out your frustration and anger by talking about it with him...that is the only way you will understand.

[critterlady]

I can see why it would bother you, especially since he is abusing you himself. Did you go to the appointment with the female T?

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Therapy is the scariest, hardest work you will ever do....but the best.....The only way it works, is if you are honest. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

If you are confused or angry about something your t says, it needs to be addressed. Once he answers the question as t why he asked you about if your father molested you, you can discuss it and go on to something else.

There is no way to know why he asked it, unless you ask him. Get out your frustration and anger by talking about it with him...that is the only way you will understand.

Sorry Nicole... are you reading from a textbook right now. I know you are studying psychology or something. - But is this an answer you will give to an 18 year old client who has a sexual releationship with a much older T? I know you and your T has somewhat of a " relationship" but would you please read your reply and get back on this one in a authentic way? Sorry... we all know by now that feelings are not right or wrong they just are..

And I am sorry for being so blunt...!! I just have a emotional reaction to this situation the thread starter is in

[WikidPissah]

Empty, this is going to be freaky and confusing as long as your in this abusive relationship. I am going thru a lot right now trying to leave my own T, I can only imagine how hard it is for you with this relationship. I don't want to tell you what to do, you are already being controlled enough. I do want to encourage you to reach out for real life help though.

[Emptty]

Oh wow. The relationship between my T and me is NOT abusive! I know my involvement with T is questionable and I'm trying to make sense of it and work through it with him but this thread has nothing to do with the sexual relationship. Now I regret posting the other thread(it's good that I did because it was helpful but this is not that thread).

I'm trying to do the right thing with my T. I did call a few other Ts but I can not leave current T because it's too hard.

This thread is not about my Ts unethical behavior... I appreciate all the posts but I don't want to be judged, I'm trying my best. Can we let the sexual relationship I have with my T go and focus our energy on different questions/problems.

[unaluna]

hey, we ALL rag on each other if we see something "off" in the T r/s - it's how we protect and take care of each other, and keep ourselves honest, which is crucial to having a successful outcome. it's like you're saying the r/s is on one side, and the T is on the other side - like there are two of YOU. A T shouldn't be contributing to that splitting of your mind and feelings, which is kinda what your T is doing. My T told me, I can be your T, or I can be your boyfriend - I can't be both. And since he was my T first, he can't be my boyfriend. So yeah, we're all like, what part of that does your T not understand?? That's why we're a little upset with him messing with your head - it's like wtf dude.

[Emptty]

so far I think I've played both the client and the friend well. I can do both

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Emptty

so far I think I've played both the client and the friend well. I can do both

You shouldn't have to. Part of his job is to protect you from his wants and needs.

[Emptty]

Originally Posted by pbutton

You shouldn't have to. Part of his job is to protect you from his wants and needs.

They were my wants and needs. I wanted him and he said no and I pushed him.

If anyone is a 'victim' here it's him. I kept pushing him until he finally said yes

[pbutton]

He's trained to deal with manipulative clients- the many, many women who want to do sexual things with him. That's part of a T's job - many people on this board are attracted to their therapist in a sexual way.

It's still his job to say no. It's his job to identify your attempts at manipulation, figure out why you're doing it, & come up with a plan to help you change your behavior.

Originally Posted by Emptty

Oh wow. The relationship between my T and me is NOT abusive! I know my involvement with T is questionable and I'm trying to make sense of it and work through it with him but this thread has nothing to do with the sexual relationship. Now I regret posting the other thread(it's good that I did because it was helpful but this is not that thread).

I'm trying to do the right thing with my T. I did call a few other Ts but I can not leave current T because it's too hard.

This thread is not about my Ts unethical behavior... I appreciate all the posts but I don't want to be judged, I'm trying my best. Can we let the sexual relationship I have with my T go and focus our energy on different questions/problems.

Emptty you are not being judged and you should use this forum people are here for you. I can tell from other threads in this forum and other forums that sex is an issue. That is hard not to focus on when you look for suppport on your current question about your relationship with your T. I get it. It´s not a big deal to you and you basically look for someone with same exsperiences saying it´s okey and validate your / and your T´s actions. I think most of us is seeing something you don´t, but clearly you are not ready to take action on this one. I don´t think many will support that kind of relationship with your T and you are not willing to let go.... so??? What can we do for you at this point?- ---

[layla11]

Originally Posted by Emptty

*warning*mention of csa(I think there should be a warning, I don't know)

I was sitting with my T the other night and talking about my relationship with my father and T asked me if I thought my father ever sexually abused me. I didn't answer because I didn't know why he would ask that(and I don't know if he did, I don't remember him doing anything but I don't know). I feel angry that my T would ask me and I don't even want to bring it up to him because I feel it was not appropriate of him to ask. I have never told my T that I thought there was any possibility of my father doing that. My fathers crazy and I dislike him enough without my T asking me if he was a molester because I don't go to therapy to trash-talk my parents.

I've been very close to my T for awhile and it makes me uncomfortable that he would come out and ask something like that. I feel so angry and I know I should talk to him about this but I don't think my anger is justified.. all I keep thinking is that my T must think badly of me. I've been obsessing over his question since he asked. I'm so sick of the invasive-ness of therapy. My T doesn't even talk that much but somehow things get dragged up from the grave all the time. Therapy keeps getting harder... my emotions and feelings are very intense... they're unbearable. I've been in therapy for a long time and although my depression and my problems have "gotten a lot better than they were" I feel like I have more problems than I did when I started. It's one problem after another. Once I think I'm OK, I find another issue to tear me up inside. I ****in hate therapy. My ****in T has me hooked, it's like a ****in addiction. I want out but the feelings are too intense, it's like they're wrapped around my throat and I can't get loose without choking myself.

I just want to cry. Therapy is so ****in stupid. I don't even know how it's suppoed to help in the long run. Initially it seemed so helpful but everything collapsed and I'm trying to do the work in therapy, I'm trying to do the right thing but everything hurts so much.. I want to be better. I don't want to NEED therapy anymore. I'm so sick of it but I can't stop.

Empty I wouldnt like it either. My therapist never said anything like that. I think the way he asked was their any sexual abuse as a child.
Anyway never said father. For a while I thought did he do somethng inappropiate maybe that I dont remember. As time as gone on I cant believe I even thought that. My father had his problems but would never do that. As far as my anger issues, I'm mad as hell at my t almost evertime I see him. Doesnt seem we are on the page. Might get a women I seem to have a little better luck there. But I noticed that I'm angry all the time at most of my therapist. Anyway, with me here lately if I dont like something I let it be known. My last md Phyciatrist, I told him this converstion is over and walked on him. I was at odds with my self a little over this but, if he cant be professiona then s,,, him. Glad I did now. I have also told several people off that needed it. Maybe not very gracefully but, Ive gotten sick of people disrepecting me.

[Emptty]

This thread had nothing to do with the sexual relationship with my T.

I'm trying my best I can't get out of the relationship. I'm sorry. I posted this thread because I was annoyed with therapy. I didn't mean to stir up trouble. I know being sexually involved with my T is wrong. I get it. I can't change Ts so I'm trying to deal with my current one because we are still doing work in therapy. That's what you're not getting. Forget it. Forget I posted this thread too.

It's done. No problems here. I know I'm doing the wrong thing with my T and I won't post about my therapy problems anymore until I get a new one, if I can ever do that. I'm trying to do the right thing, at least I'm in therapy trying to better myself.

I was annoyed with therapy. That's why I posted. I didn't understand my T being invasive and I was upset over it. That's all.

Originally Posted by Emptty

I'm so sick of the invasive-ness of therapy. My T doesn't even talk that much but somehow things get dragged up from the grave all the time. Therapy keeps getting harder... my emotions and feelings are very intense... they're unbearable. I've been in therapy for a long time and although my depression and my problems have "gotten a lot better than they were" I feel like I have more problems than I did when I started. It's one problem after another. Once I think I'm OK, I find another issue to tear me up inside. I ****in hate therapy. My ****in T has me hooked, it's like a ****in addiction. I want out but the feelings are too intense, it's like they're wrapped around my throat and I can't get loose without choking myself.

I just want to cry. Therapy is so ****in stupid. I don't even know how it's supposed to help in the long run. Initially it seemed so helpful but everything collapsed and I'm trying to do the work in therapy, I'm trying to do the right thing but everything hurts so much.. I want to be better. I don't want to NEED therapy anymore. I'm so sick of it but I can't stop.

I feel this exact same way.