Attachment - here we go again!

Just when I thought I was at a comfortable distance I've only been to two appts with T1 and I'm feeling the dreadful attachment again. This go around it does feel a bit different. I feel a bit more 'grown up' about it while at the same time wanting to regress emotionally while at the same time dreadfully fearing being attached.

For those who don't know what I'm referring to when it comes to attachment here is a great article: http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/at...-relationship/

Just wanted to vent. Nothing new. Thanks for listening.

thank u for that article.

i am very attached to my T, in odd ways.i mostly enjoy his humor and our random chit-chat, rather than the actual work we do. not to say it's beneficial, just not always so fun

((((((geez))))))) what a ride you've been on with t1 maybe this is what you need though ... to continue to work through those needs and fears connecting with attachment ... so hard though

Ugh. I'd find that incredibly uncomfortable....although it'd be useful to share this info with T so that you can figure out a different way to understand and deal with it.

Regressing in therapy is probably good IMO. You need to start where you are at if you are going to do any meaningful work. If you are at the level of a young child this is where you need to start your work.

Just got back from my appointment and it was the hardest session I've ever experienced in my life. I was going into my appt feeling very defensive. We did some EMDR and I could only hold up the vail/mask for so long. I had total breakdown bawling.

I did get some good out of it and we did EMDR on attachment, my abuser, my mom etc..

For attachment to T I have shame and fear tied into it. It all relates back to my mom and how she made me feel for wanting to be attached.

Some of what came of it all is what keeps me motivated to run, study or exercise is anger and if I don't have anger towards certain people (including myself) what do I have left for motivation? I'm afraid of letting go of my anger because then what will be left?

Thanks for listening. Big hugs!!

hey, from what i have heard about EMDR it is very intense... i was asked multiple times to try it by T, but i never let him. too scared, i assume.

but hey, maybe next time (not trying to tell u what to do), tell ur T if u are already feeling vulnerable before ur meeting. so ur T will know if u are stable enough to do EMDR that session. we have to take care of ourselves, to get thru this journey.

EMDR can be intense. My T kept pushing me and I kept letting her because I want some answers. I saw my T1 for 3 1/2 years plateaud in my learning and moved on. Now I'm back to T1 and EMDR is forcing me to really look at the answers to my questions. It's hard but it's the only way I'm going to change my life. I'm tired of waiting and operating 'status quo'. So tired and sick of it all. I think next session will be talking instead of doing EMDR. I'll see how it goes.

Thanks for the article. It was good and I'm going to reread it. As you know, I understand about attachment. It's causing me major problems!!
I'm glad you got a lot out of EMDR. I used to dislike it, but now that my T wants to do SE for a while, I miss it! I think it was a wise decision to go back to T1, geez!

Thank you so much Rainbow! Attachment is one of the hardest parts about therapy IMO. I told my T how I wasn't happy that my feelings of being attached to her are coming back. She wanted to know what that meant 'being attached' and why I don't like it. We then did some EMDR and I discovered I don't like being attached because whenever I tried to attach to my mom I was always pushed away and never felt loved. I always felt rejection and being attached or wanting to feel attachment makes myself vulnerable to being rejected, pushed away and hurt. It was hard to explore what I was feeling and T encouraged me to not hold back and censor myself and to just let it go.

The part that I bawled about was when I told T I ran 20 miles this past Saturday (I'm training for a marathon and it's been my longest distance so far). Running 20 miles while I can physically run 20 (because of training) was the hardest thing to do mentally. I kept wanting to give up. What kept me going was beating myself up mentally and being angry at my abuser. What is left when the anger isn't there. I don't want to let go of the anger. Where will I be without it? It's too scary to let go of it!

Love the article, I really like that therapist and read his blog often. He 'gets it'. Unfortunately, he doesn't live near me.

He does Skype therapy, too, Antimatter. I imagine his practice is pretty full. I like his blog, but I think he would totally intimidate me as a therapist.

Good work Geez!

I actually thought about doing Skype with him, but in the end I decided not to do so because it would feel too weird for me. I wish I could find someone who has his views in my area, or at least someone who would call me back.

You feel attachment after only 2 sessions?? Wow. You are one of the lucky ones! I haven't felt it in 20 years of therapy yet, haha.

I feel attachement after only 2 sessions the second time around She was my therapist for 3 1/2 years!!!!! Partly because I felt I couldn't learn anything more from her. I went to another therapist for about 4 months and she sadly has issues of her own that get in the way of therapy so I quit seeing her and after much thought I decided to go back to T1 because she just started doing EMDR.

I just feel really comfortable with T1. No one is perfect I suppose but she's good enough for me to make some progress. As for the T I linked to I wish he were closer as well. Not sure I could do skype with him as my house is busy with young kids and a husband with a home office. It would be too distracting I think.

good articles, thanks. I read the "previous" one on attachment and defense mechanisms, too. the letters are also very interesting. it helped me understand what my T means when he says he l0ves me. altho I really do see things differently now that he's just returned from a two-week vac. thanks, geez.

Your Welcome!