T thinks that I am not gay-

I can tell you that I'm a lesbian and I'm in a relationship and neither me nor my girlfriend were ever abused. And, in our circle of friends (about 20 lesbians), not one of them was ever abused. We all have good lives; relationships, families, careers, vacations, etc. No one's life is "perfect"; I do choose to go to therapy because I enjoy having an additonal source of support in my life. But it's absolutely possible to be a gay woman and have a full, happy life. I think that if you work on yourself (and accepting yourself), when you begin to feel happier and healthier, you will attract healthier and happier people to you; you will meet other gay women who are stable, loving, generous, etc. and you may feel a lot better about the quality of the women you meet (whether it be as friends or girlfriends). I've found, in my own life, when I don't feel good about myself-- I attract other people who don't feel good about themselves. But, when I do feel good about myself-- I attract other people who feel good about themselves as well. I think your perception of gay women would change a lot if you met a wider range of gay women.

I have never met a healthy gay woman yet! Where I live is a very small town and the lesbian community is incestuous!
I have met at least ten women since splitting with my ex and every single one of them was abused and had anger issues so I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions but I can't help it! I keep telling myself they can't all be like that and things will get better and I am hoping to prove myself wrong with my opinions and judgements! I told t about them all being abused, she said she had never thought about that before and maybe this could be a reason!

You are absolutely right about attracting similar people and I was abused when I was younger and I am wondering is this why I keep attracting others like me! T said something about a triangle that I keep going around the same cycles

Hello. My name is Scorpio. I'm a healthy gay woman. Nice to meet you! Well, now you have! My T is a healthy bisexual woman. (I mean, she is a T after all). She says hello, too.

In terms of RL, where do you usually tend to meet gay women? If you're meeting women through the women you already know (who you say are unhealthy), maybe that is why? Bars are also another bad way of meeting healthy people. And something like a support group would be a great place to GO, but not a great place to look for super happy, stable people. If you live in a small town, what about traveling to the next town over or to the closest metropolitan area? Have you ever tried meetup.com? They have a lot of LGBT groups and maybe that would be a way of meeting some new people? Or what about volunteering at an LGBT center or an LGBT non-profit organization? If there isn't an LGBT organization near you, what about participating in activities that commonly have LGBT participants (i.e. softball, drama/theatre, animal shelters, liberal political organizations, women's groups, etc).

I love this.

All I can say is that you can't go wrong if you pursue your own agenda here and no one else's. Not your therapist's, not anyone's here either.

Open your heart and mind to yourself, reach out to your therapist for clarification if you like and make your own decisions about your life.

It will be right when it feels right.

Good luck.

Hello Scorposis, lol, thanks for lightening my mood and making me laugh for first time in a while.
I usually meet other women online as there is not other way of meeting them in RL, there is actually no lesbian bars in this country-there are gay bars but they are full of men.
I haven't tried meetup but maybe I should. Thank you so much for your help, you have been wonderful, thank you

I think you know exactly who you are. You are someone who is attracted to women and has been in love with one, and who has minimal interest in men.

I think one issue is that there aren't tons of role models for lesbian relationships that we see everyday. You see two women at dinner.. could be spouses, could be sisters, could be best friends... you see two women at the park with two children..could be a family, could be nannies... And most of us don't grow up with models of homosexual relationships so we don't see all the varieties of what is possible...

It's possible to be in a life long relationship with a woman, or a man. It's about the two people not the statistics. I think you should watch some documentaries, tons on netflix, if you have it.. that can just show you what's possible. It's not all the L word and girls gone wild LOL

You know exactly who you are. You don't need a label right now. Just love yourself because you know you are able to love.. and whoever that ends up being... is totally okay!

[QUOTE=EeyoreSmile;2612176]
It's possible to be in a life long relationship with a woman, or a man. It's about the two people not the statistics. I think you should watch some documentaries, tons on netflix, if you have it.. that can just show you what's possible. It's not all the L word and girls gone wild LOL
/QUOTE]

Excellent advice, thank goodness its not all L word...that is Too much drama