Welcome to couch # 18

I don't know if I want to go or not. I do love my Ativan. So much so that I sound like a junkie when I talk about it, which means I probably won't be given any more.

(I should add that I have taken 14 pills in 17 months, so I'm not exactly in the danger zone.)

I like John Phillip Sousa marches and big band music. (not played at the same time)
Super upbeat.

My brain totally turned the first part into something nasty and therefore something I totally would have done in my crazy college years.

As for the second, yeah, you can totally do that, pbutton. Advise him you have considered it as requested, but do not care to go at this time.

I got IV Valium once for an oral surgery. OMG, I LOVE THAT STUFF! I went on and on about it to my doctor to the point where she would never, ever allow me to have the stuff again, ever. However, after a surgery, I took two pain pills out of the entire bottle prescribed, so she had no compunction about prescribing pain pills for me when I was injured by a horse, based only upon my phone call stating I was hurt and was considering taking one of the remaining 28 pills but they were expired.

ACK ACK - I went back and fixed it. I had not meant it like that.

And I have never liked the way drugs made me feel. I have been injured a few times from bike accidents and also had oral surgery - I hate the way the pain killers make me feel (I like that they take away the pain and put me to sleep but not how I feel until I pass out). My partner usually has fits trying to make me take the pills (I think they are more for her benefit because according to her I am a horrible patient). I took an ativan pill once (a friend gave it to me) and I really hated it.
The therapist has said I am too much of a control freak to be an addict. I also have no problem whatsoever taken expired pills if I am going to take a pill in the first place.

Yeah, I think that is true for me as well, stopdog, in reference to being too much of a control freak to be an addict. I would likely never be addicted to valium even though I liked the feeling in the short term. And for me, pain killers do not take away the pain. I still feel the pain right up to the moment I pass out. I feel more disconcerted by the pain also because I feel so fuzzy and out of control. HATE that.

Sorry I made you say ACK by taking the first thing in a dirty way. Just the way my brain works sometimes.

MKAC no need to apologize - I just had not realized it could be read that way. I was not thinking of it so did not see it.

yeah, I think it's just me reading it that way, stopdog. I may be hormonal or something. And that may be TMI, sorry. I should stop posting and go to bed.

"And now we come to the part of the debate where the candidates have to shake their body parts."

I just wrote a super long post about my session this evening. So we have officially begun the termination phase of therapy! Go me! My t is so amazing, she didn't even seem surprised or anything that I would bring it up. I feel really good about it.

I never had Valium, but when I had gallbladder surgery 10 years ago I had an Demerol IV and boy howdy, I LOVED that!!! A person can actually get a full night sleep in the hospital on that. I don't remember them ever waking me up. LOL

Congratulations. How long have you been going?

Off to dinner with MIL.

Thanks CE! I've been seeing her weekly for a year. I had 2 previous attempts at therapy but those t's did NOT work out to say the least. For me, the third time was definitely the charm.

I'm jealous. I'm in my tenth year with T5.

I had emergency surgery in March and was in absolutely unbearable pain. At first, they gave me IV morphine... nothing. So, they increased the dose... still nothing. Another increase... nothing. So, finally, they gave me IV dilauded, which is ten times stronger than morphine. It was amazing!!! No more pain for the rest of my hospital stay!

I don't like being out of control either so I would never be tempted to take anything like that recreationally, but boy--- for pain relief, that's the stuff!

Yawn, after another intense day of training at work, and t afterwards, I'm ready for sleep! G'night all!

I was in a foulish mood all morning, and then T called me to ask if I could reschedule my appt in two weeks' time - just an one-minute conversation about purely factual things but it left me feeling much better. It's weird how the brain chemicals work.

Apt- I am glad you are feeling better.

I am just thankful I get to go to work today.. Nothing will take me out of a yucky mood like seeing my kindergarteners smile! Only half day today, looking forward to coming back to the couch and getting caught up with you all.

Good morning. I was supposed to get up early this morning to go to a meeting 1.5 hours out of town, but I've been up since 3 am. I'm going to call my boss in about 15 minutes and tell a partial lie; that I have a stomach bug. My stomach is unsettled, but I don't have the bug that my H has. He called out of work for today at 2:30 am. He just now went to sleep. I feel bad about lying, especially after complaining to my boss about going to the meeting, but I really do feel bad. Headache, stomachache, stuffy nose, fatigue, and a crick in my neck.

I am doing terribly right now.....

I'm not sure if it's caused by me tapering off some strong meds that I've been on for years or from the paranormal stuff I've been into lately...but I just had THE WORST nightmare I've ever had in my entire life. I've had flashbacks before which were horrible....but never something like this. Never.

I am so shaken up right now and have been crying constantly. I need to get my daughter up for school soon and I'm not sure I can do it without bawling because she was the most significant part of the nightmare.

I have other symptoms of withdrawal right now too - so I'm assuming it's from that....restless legs, stomach cramping, loose bowels, restless sleep and insomnia....and the restless part is the most unbearable. And all I'm doing is tapering down on the meds because there was some screw-up and I'm a week short of the med.....so I won't have enough to last til my next refill. If this is how bad a tapering off feels, I can't imagine going off the meds entirely....

T would tell me to try to make meaning of it....Thankfully, I see T today so I can probably work through it with him, if I don't end up just bawling the entire time....I'd imagine it has to do with all the things I've been scheduling lately and having to leave my daughter in the care of others (my mom, my sister, my niece).

In the month of October, alone, I am busy every Friday and Saturday night except for one weekend....7 events in one month...and each Monday, I now go to a class....so that's more time away. I'm going to have to cancel some of those dates. It's too much time away from her. She has to be my priority.

I wish I could just bleach that nightmare from my brain.....

Awww MUE. Nightmares can feel so so real. The tapering of the meds could be causing it among just the fact that in your mind you know you are going to be so busy this month. Its good that you are going to try to cancel some of those dates. Being busy every single weekend is too much. I hope T can help you find some peace today.

Thanks...I woke up my daughter for school and just started bawling....poor thing didn't know what hit her....she started crying too because I scared her. UGH. Nothing like both of us starting the day off in tears....

((MUE)) ugh, I get the med tapering, it's hell. Yuck. And the nightmares. And the overbooked schedule. I hope T goes well...remember to let us know what kind of shoes he wears.

Morning all...
About the debates. Yes to SD/PB no to the idiots that are actually running.

Quite tired this morning. I took a melatonin last night so I could actually sleep, but now I am in fog.

Apt - sorry that you were in a bad mood yesterday, and I'm glad that talking to your T helped.

MUE - Sorry about the nightmare.

Choppin - It sounds like you might be coming down with something. I think you have every right to take the day. I hope you feel better.

Morning to Wiki, TTGB, Healled, CE, and everyone else.
I hope everyone has a good day!