Anyone else apologize for being sad in session

When I am especially sad, as I was today, I am a hot mess. My therapist was great, though she seemed to be at a lost for words (which is a new one for her). She spent a long time fruitlessly trying to get a hold of my shrink's secretary to see if I could get a sooner appointment. Which meant I had to sit there ticcing in a bad way while I waited along with her...which only made me feel more pathetic. And crazy. There's nothing crazier than moaning, "SHE'S SICCCCCCCCCCCK!" over and over again while someone's talking on the phone.

I got homework assignments though. I always feel good when I get a homework assignment for some reason. Maybe it makes me feel empowered.

But as soon as I got home, I felt the need to send an apologetic email. But it actually didn't contain the words "I'm sorry". I thanked her for her patience and told her I would put my best effort into doing my homework. It's not an apology, but it makes me feel the same way as I would if I had sent one. And maybe it's my way of reminding her that I'm not as crazy as I behave in session. She's known me for almost five years, so I know she knows this. But I still feel the need to remind her that behind all the bizarreness, there's someone who is fully functional and grateful.

I know I need to stop feeling guilty and ashamed for doing only what I'm supposed to do in therapy. And I know I need to stop hating myself for being unable to control myself. The question is how do I do these things? My therapist says I need to be easier on myself and tell myself, "I'm doing the best that I can."

Does repeating mantras like this work? I'm going to start doing it just to see what happens.

Anyway, that's for reading. It helps to write it all out.



(My therapist says she's going to bring me another bottle of spirulina. We call it "green stuff". I secretly hate it but it's a gift and that kind of lifts my spirits.

I would cry nonstop and would be just so overwhelmingly sad, I would apologize, and my therapist would tell me things like, "Look at me, stop apologizing for your tears. You are not too much for me. I can handle anything you tell me. I don't think you are crazy. You are hurting, and I'm here for you." I totally understand where you're coming from.

I also would say things like, "I know you think I'm a weirdo; crazy, silly, etc." She wouldn't let me get away with beating myself up like that. She would gently and lovingly steer me away from apologizing for how I was feeling. Now, she knows the look in my eye when about to apologize, which has become less and less. She says, "Ah, ah, ah...do not apologize."

I totally get how you feel, but know that you don't have to apologize for your pain. It sounds like your therapist wants to be there for you; let her do that and know that apologizing is not necessary.

hi auto i think your doing what your meant to do in therapy. when your sad and you feel sade with your t then thats a good thing. go with and be kind to yourself. i cant allow myself to be sad in session so i think your doing brillian. i am working on gettin to where you are at. you dont have to apologise. you t sounds wonderful. sending you hugs x

I've sometime apologised for being angry, but never for being sad.

I always apologised or said thank you after each session but now I realise that it is the natural prossess of whats supposed to happen.

I definitely apologize when I am sad, especially if I have cried. I can totally relate to you, auto and peridot...

I apologize when I cry after the session is over and I have left. It's just some weird need I have.

I apologize for everything...even if there is no need for an apology.

I do not apologize to that therapist. She does not apologize to me except in a "I am sorry you do not understand" sort of way. If she ever offers a true apology for her mistakes, then I might consider it.

but...how do you let them be there for you?

I apologize for crying, when it happens. It is embarrassing to lose control to the point that I cry.

TC What happens in session , within the confines of those walls is fair game... no need to apologize in there.

I agree with LC.

Me too! Don'tcha just hate it?

One of my goals in therapy = get over this.

Maybe. But I still apologize (If she sees me.) If I'm crying, I have usually built up a huge wall of pillows or stuffed animals in front of me so she can't see me cry.

So there is shame associated with crying? Maybe start by breaking down the Physical walls ( the stuffed animals and pillows ) and that will lead to the mental defenses. Its ok to cry in session...Hell I think that T's thrive off it....from what I read its how things work. Don't be afraid T wont hurt you.

I think that mantras can work but I also think that you have to work it from the other end and that you need to discover why you are so hard on yourself.

I also think that your sadness is a breakthrough. You have been altering your approach it seems.

I don't think it's that mysterious. I am hard on myself because I have to be. This is what I try to tell my therapist and have been unable to do.

When you only have yourself to lean on and there is no one around who cares if you're sad, you can't afford to feel anything bad. It's a luxury that saps energy and time spent on more productive behaviors. Crying only makes sense if there is someone around to answer it. Preferably someone who can help you.

I wish it was a breakthrough! I've been sad with my therapist plenty of times. I've just broken a spell of non-sadness, though. So it feels weird to revert and in such a bad way (I know "revert" is not a good word to use, but I don't know of a better term.)

All the time, most recently I apologized for being in therapy.

This is good stuff to work on. Have you discussed this lack of support with your T? Have you grieved it in therapy? Do you have a plan to build a life which includes supportive people?

My whole therapy has been focused on my isolation and how to mitigate it. We don't deal with the "why" because 1) my therapist doesn't do "why" very well, which is probably why she's a CBT, 2) we've determined that the ultimate cause of the isolation is neurological rather than psychological, and 3) I personally don't like delving into "why" either. I'm too much of a concrete-thinker and here-and-now type person to let myself to build complicated stories about a rather uneventful life. I understand that it works for others. But it's much too abstract for me.

No, there is no plan for change. My therapist IS the "supportive people" for right now. I don't know how to get other supportive people, which I suppose is the job of therapy. But I also don't want unpaid, free-range, non-professional supportive people (aka friends) in my life. My therapist can't make me want something I don't want. But she's trying to at least get me to not self-isolate so much, and we have been somewhat successful in "putting me out there" more than I used to be.

Good luck to you............