New rule

So T came into session two weeks ago, and was like I have a new rule. I was like I don't even want to hear this or care...go away. (We were on a walk)

He was like NO more texting me. For ANY thing. Call me if you need to go to the hospital. And email me twice a day for anything else and we will talk about in session. Now he makes me read my email questions to him out loud in session and it honestly makes me want to punch him in the face.

But oddly enough I've not even had the urge to break the rules. I've admitted to him that I've thought of ways to manipulate the system and told him how I planned on doing it and he told me he would be able to tell when I was doing that, anyway, and that would just push him away.

Anyway just an update, I haven't been around a lot lately.

Nice healthy boundaries... I get the punch in the face thing.

Yeah he said somewhere in there about needing healthy boundaries. And 400-500 texts a month wasn't part of it. Maybe I should bring up my urge to punch him in the face thing next session?

I would....

Why not....

awsome job sticking to the boundaries .it gets easier it really does. my T has the same boundaries and it was miserable at first but i am kind of use to it now.it is still a bit hard when things are in a bad way but its ok.
awsome job.it can't be easy to go from so mant to nothing.

I am so glad your T is finally setting and enforcing some healthy boundaries with you. You seem to have a decent attitude about it. It really will be helpful to you in the long run when you see your own ability to find ways to cope on your own instead of seeming to always need your T to "fix" things for you. This really will end up being a growing experience for you.

I love the way you say it makes you want to punch him in the face, that's hilarious.

I told him in my second daily email that it made me want to punch him in the face and to never make me read emails out loud again. That were going back to the old system of him recalling what I said in our emails. If I go there tomorrow and he asks me to read that email he better duck for cover.

my t is not a big guy. today he said something about his being too slick or fast, something weird, I forget exactly, and I immediately pounced on him with, "oh, you never have to worry about that... in here... did you want to write that down... to use later?" he was pounding the back of his chair, almost crying - laughing. but I do feel a BIG difference in how much i've been able to let him - just him - help me. everybody else kinda messes it up, like my mother always did. but he's doing a good job, which other people can follow his lead on. so I can say, THIS is how I like help, this is what I want or need. Not what "you" decide FOR me.

woo hoo, take control of your therapy!!! Let us know how it goes. I like this

Sorry, lostmyway,

Sounds like your T's Bound & Gagged you.

Put out a tweet,

-Fleeing Bellocq

I can easily say I was in desperate need of healthy communication boundaries more than anyone on this forum. He finally did what I needed instead of what of what I wanted for once.

I dont think I was complaining. I don't tweet.

They say little kids know/feel they are properly cared for when they are given consistent boundaries and that no boundaries is a very unsafe feeling for them. Maybe the same applies in therapy? I think this is a good move for both of you xx

Session was weird I yelled at him a lot he yelled at me a lot. It was a pretty bad session. I even told him it was the worst session we ever had. I accused him of not understanding because he never been through it and I judged him for it. I told him I wanted the session to be over and he said he did too. then after session I emailed him and asked him wth he meant by that and accused him of being as immature as me. But he told me he was just frustrated because he wanted me to be safe.

Then he told me of the new way because he wants me to be more independent and speak up for myself because its something I don't do and he needs to work on me not clamming up and standing up for myself and being insependant as a life skill.

At the end of session I started crying because I was sad. I told him I was sad because I was disappointing him. He reassured me that I didn't.

Then after the session was over I told him I had twisted up EVERYTHING into a negative, and I needed him to email me and ground me into reality so e sent this:

"Remember to try positive an know I'm only pushing you toward the things that will make your life better. I know they are tough things but they will end up being the best things you will ever do for yourself.


Ughhhh I have therapy head.

he seems to be mirroring some of your behaviours... like if you yell, he yells back. Yelling isn't generally something a T is known for. Are you aware of his reasoning for this?

Well it's more like arguing.

Lol i'm not sure how therapeutic that is but it made me laugh

I'm sure if you followed us on our walks you would laugh at our sessions. He is a good T...we just ughh have our moments.

Hmm. I must say, you seem to have made some headway in this area already.

How did the session go?

I"m not sure of the context in which you said this, so I could have it wrong. But I know that when I have said this to people in the past, part of it was usually true-- that they hadn't been through the trauma I had. Most people haven't, and I'm glad for that.

I also learned that when I said that to people, I was coming from a really "young" place, like the kind of classic teenager crying to her parent, "you don't understand what it's like to be a kid!", when of course that's the silliest thing ever, because parents of course did used to be kids, and most of us remember quite well what it was like.

Because the reality is that people can understand us even if they haven't been through it, and people can not understand us even though they have. It has nothing at all to do with having been there and usually when I used to say this, it was because I was trying to get the person to agree with me. If you don't agree, then you don't understand me. Or I was trying to get the person to specifically agree that my dysfunctional behavior really wasn't so bad.

So maybe there is something lurking underneath that feeling you have with your T that you need to resolve, but I do think that the now-healthy boundaries may move you forward faster than anything else.

The context was about him not being abused, and trying to relate to me and his other clients. I passed super judgement about him and told him he didn't understand anything and was an idiot for trying. Yeah not a prize moment for me.

I haven't even felt like emailing T at all lately. Ive been forgetting to send one email let alone my aloud two. And when I do remember until like 10pm and even then it's a sentence or two, so he knows I'm alright. (he always wanted one daily email from me) wth is up with me? What an odd change for me. I haven't even been thinking about him. I havent even been bothering him on weekends. Odd odd odd. This is sooo not Lost.

Sounds like you are making great progress!

I must admit, I did laugh at some of this, I think on a few occasions I've wanted to punch a t in the face... But it sounds like your T is great and is really helping you.