I went to see T today following my call to her last week.
Today she really showed that she genuinely cared. She told me that I deserved happiness and that I can have it if I keep going. She told me that life would go on but the earth wouldn't spin so rosy without me. She said she would be very sad and miss me so much if I died.
We went over what happened that made me spiral into this depression and I told her it was after I saw the picture of my ex. We discussed what happened and we came across an old pattern that isn't working for me anymore. Comparing myself to others. I looked at my ex and felt like I was worthless like she told me I was because I was sad and lonely and I started to believe this. T told me this wasn't true as I am better off now without her. I have more friends now than I ever did and have plenty of people around me who care but I just have to start to trust them.

I still have to see the doctor before she will see me again

[elysia]

I'm glad your session went well. She sounds like she genuinely cares and appreciates what you have to offer as a person.

With the dr.... I forgot the exact situation.... was it that you don't feel comfortable with this particular dr? Is it possible to find another one? If you don't like that one I'd imagine you need never go see them ever again... but at least you'd satisfy your Ts requirement.

I do understand how ultimatums stink and take away your power. On the other hand there are legal issues that could leave her liable for suit and also, possible loss of license. I've read horror stories about people having their Ts call the cops on them or having them involuntarily committed and then terminating. Intead of doing that T is putting the ball in your court. I know it hurts and it feels terrible, but most likely your T needs to do this for legal reasons.

I hope you're able to find a dr you feel comfortable with.... maybe it would help to post when you made your appt and take some pocket riders with you? You can do this. I feel the same way about visiting dr's.... I can so relate. I wonder, would your T have several recommendations in case you don't like some of them? If you asked her for names I bet she'd be impressed you are taking the initiative.

Kudos to you for going to your T appt, despite how upset you felt. You were strong enough to do that, and you are strong enough to see the dr... I have faith.

Thanks Elysia,
I don't like doctors in general. Its not like this doctor has done anything wrong. He has always been nice and pleasant but I just don't feel comfortable with him knowing anything about my suicidal tendancies. My last T told him that I had self harmed and didnt tell me she had told him, so next time I went to see him as I found a lump on my breast he mentioned that my my therapist had told him about SI so I was caught off guard and angry at her. It just seems like a doctor and a therapist are doctors of different kinds and shouldn't work together. Plus I am a little paranoid at what they are saying to each other as they have spoke on the phone everyday since thursday T told me today.

[stopdog]

How do your therapists know who your doctor is and how can they talk to the doctor unless you give them permission to do so? Unless you want them to do so, and then okay.

[elysia]

Yeah, I hear you.

I remember one time a former T had my permission to share limited info about me, but then revealed to my brand new T that she allowed me to email her until I was comfortable in a new T relationship. The current T said it had to stop or she wouldn't see me and I got mad--at both of them for invading my privacy/life decisions.

With all the confidentiality laws, is it possible to see a dr and not have them disclose anything about your visit? Perhaps you can grant permission just to say they saw you and send that to your T.

Also, if possible, share this with T. You can tell her that you would like to be able to discuss things with your dr, but will not feel free to do so knowing confidentiality will be broken. I know I wouldn't be at all comfortable either. Maybe there is a consent form which you can sign and specify a narrow scope of info to be shared. If you don't feel comfortable discussing suicidality--which is at the heart of this matter--with your doc, then maybe you need a new doc, or just better confidentiality to get you to feel safe opening up. Myself, I'd prefer a woman.... just remember even within this ultimatum, you are not powerless and you do have say in your care. Let us know how it goes.

Originally Posted by stopdog

How do your therapists know who your doctor is and how can they talk to the doctor unless you give them permission to do so? Unless you want them to do so, and then okay.

You have to tell them your doctors name before they will even treat you. They have the right to tell contact them without your consent too. I only learned those today.

Originally Posted by elysia

Yeah, I hear you.

I remember one time a former T had my permission to share limited info about me, but then revealed to my brand new T that she allowed me to email her until I was comfortable in a new T relationship. The current T said it had to stop or she wouldn't see me and I got mad--at both of them for invading my privacy/life decisions.

With all the confidentiality laws, is it possible to see a dr and not have them disclose anything about your visit? Perhaps you can grant permission just to say they saw you and send that to your T.

Also, if possible, share this with T. You can tell her that you would like to be able to discuss things with your dr, but will not feel free to do so knowing confidentiality will be broken. I know I wouldn't be at all comfortable either. Maybe there is a consent form which you can sign and specify a narrow scope of info to be shared. If you don't feel comfortable discussing suicidality--which is at the heart of this matter--with your doc, then maybe you need a new doc, or just better confidentiality to get you to feel safe opening up. Myself, I'd prefer a woman.... just remember even within this ultimatum, you are not powerless and you do have say in your care. Let us know how it goes.

that must have been terrible having.g two ts discussing you.
I would prefer a female doctor told bit other is not possible. I am going to be as honest as I can with him tomorrow

[elysia]

Originally Posted by button30

that must have been terrible having.g two ts discussing you.
I would prefer a female doctor told bit other is not possible. I am going to be as honest as I can with him tomorrow

Woah.... this means you're seeing him? That is so strong and brave, and congrats on that!

Hmm, not sure why you should be forced to see a male. Def something to talk about with your T. I also didn't realize they can contact them without your permission. This whole thing is definitely worth discussing in T. The more she knows about why going to a dr isn't comfortable for you, the better your communication is, the more you will feel power over your care. If there is no female on their staff, perhaps if your T knows about this she can let you know if a female becomes available.

Sending good thoughts for your appt tomorrow. You can do it.

[geez]

((((button))))) I know how scary it feels right now. I'm glad your getting help.

[lostin08]

Originally Posted by button30

You have to tell them your doctors name before they will even treat you. They have the right to tell contact them without your consent too. I only learned those today.

That is WRONG they can not contact anyone without your permission ever!

[elysia]

Originally Posted by lostin08

That is WRONG they can not contact anyone without your permission ever!

I thought so too usually, but I suppose there can be exceptions. It sounds like the T and Dr are both on staff at the same place. Maybe they make clients sign an agreement form at the beginning. Or also if you're part of a program I imagine the program could have rules to participate. But yes this does really violate privacy and it would bother me too.

[Freefall1974]

Originally Posted by button30

You have to tell them your doctors name before they will even treat you. They have the right to tell contact them without your consent too. I only learned those today.

HIPPA is tricky. It does allow the non-authorized disclosure of protected health information if necessary to lessen/prevent a serious threat to oneself or others. Your doctor already knows about your prior history. Would it not be easier to see "someone" that already knows versus starting all over with someone new? Take care.

Originally Posted by lostin08

That is WRONG they can not contact anyone without your permission ever!

They can apparently. It sucks. My t and doctor don't work at the same place. She explained that it is protocol.