Couch 25

i think it is great you have a t that you feel you can talk to now .i am also glad you have stuck around here on the couch.i know i would miss you so much if you stoped posting. gotta stick with my cat people lol

ok i know it is monday and i usually have bad days but today is the worst i woke up hours ago with huge panic attacks .i am sick to my stomach over it because it is turning so much .i am in the middle of working myself up to a big panic with the out of controle behaviors and everything the mother called me last night to suposidly thank me for the christmas gift i sent her. but reality was her car was having problems. SHE IS HINTING THAT SHE WANTS ME TO BUY HER A CAR. for months i thought she has been priming me to ask my husband for a down payment. in fact she said if she needed money for a car she would have to ask him herself .i knew she was being manipulative because she know i would talk to him first if she said that to me. but even so at the time i thought she was asking about a downpayment .lastnight she said she doesnt have money to afford a car payment.i know now that she is going to ask for money to buy a car. not even to borrow it but to have my husband just give it to her. god i feel like a horrible person because i cant do it and i don't want to do it .my husband cant stand her and wont give it to her. he is upset that she is going to ask him for it. i have 9 more payments on my car and then my husband needs to buy his own car .he has needed one for a year. i am tired of having to deal with this ,with her guilting me i don't know what to do today. i feel horrible.she doesnt give a **** what it makes me feel like. she wants me to feel as bad as i possably can .who does this to there kids god I HATE HER

((((( granite ))))))

Remember that you have control over this....You truly do.

My mom is similar. Ever since my sister and I were teens, we've been helping them financially. Even after I got divorced, lost my job, etc. - my mom STILL "needed" my help with her mortgage.

A few weeks ago, I HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!! I was SICK and TIRED of having to support my mother, especially when I am not in a position to do it. So, I let that anger guide me towards telling her that I wasn't going to be able to help her out with her mortgage. PERIOD.

And she has to live with that.

Just. say. no. YOU CAN DO IT!

(( HUGS ))

(Sorry for getting nutso, granite.....but as you can see, this is a topic that's near and dear to me - and I hate it when people take advantage of others...and I hate it when I allow myself to be taken advantage of. All this time, it was within my control, but I felt too guilty....Not anymore. I hope you find the strength too. Love you.)

i can probibly come up with a couple grand for a down payment but not the whole car. and i cant remember how much i had to struggle with no car and a single mother when all she would say is stuff like you made your bed and dont ask me for help.i remember once i didnt even have enough money for milk for my son and she wouldnt even offer to let me have some of hers never mind buy me a 1/2 gallon but now that she is in this situation she thinks i owe her or something .i moved out at 14 i have costed her no money after that at all. i feel like total crap today .i'm sorry to be complaining. but she has made me feel horrible about even getting a new couch set when i was so so happy about it.i was going xmas shopping today but now feel miserable about spending the money. she is going to hate us .

Sorry to hear that Granite.. MUE is right, if you can't do it, you can't do it. Don't feel bad, and don't let her manipualte you into doing it either. No guilt trips, no nothing.

so you were accually helping her with her payments whith the money issues you are struggling with. wow they truely are alike . so intitled

Well, I woke this morning at about 3am to a fever and no voice. No work for me, and I am going back to bed. I sent my kids to daycare and school and will have to pick them up later, so I am going to go take advantage of this quiet time and rest up. I hope all of you have a great monday!

thanks healed i wont give her the money to buy a car but the guilt is horrible .i swear it has been ingrained in to all of us to just feel guilty and inept for everything. it makes me so so angry. i am so not answering the phone todaty

lots of tea and rest my friend. try to enjoy some quiet time

Yes, granite....When I got divorced, I thought my mom would say "oh, you don't need to help me anymore - you're in a tough spot"...But NO....then when I went on disability, same thing....then when I lost my job...same thing.

Finally, I realized that she was so self-centered and selfish that I realized I was going to have to swallow my fear and guilt and do what I needed to do for me.

It took me having to find out that my unemployment was slashed in half and ending in December for me to finally get the guts to do it. So, I do realize how difficult it is when we've been brainwashed into feeling sorry for them and fearing them. But standing up for myself and saying NO MORE was the most freeing feeling in the world. I hope you can find a way to do that for you. You deserve it.

((( Healed )))

Sorry you're not feeling well. Good idea to stay home and get some rest.

I probably had about an hour of sleep last night....I am shaky and weak this morning, cuz of lack of sleep and the migraine. I want to just stay home too....but I am going to try to get my daughter up for school and get to work. "Try" is the key word there. *sigh*

Granite-I understand the guilt but don't give in to her. She can't control you with her minipulation anymore. If you let her win-she will continue to take advantage of you. It's time for Granite to take care of Granite. She can't control you anymore. You are stronger than you think. Hugs hugs hugs

Okay-I'm sitting here watching Good Morning America and it turns out that the police missed key evidence in the Casey Anthony case. Really????? And they are just writing it off as a "learning experience"

morning....S T R E T C H.... I rented a laptop, because I was having a difficult time reading my phone. Hanksta...I don't know how you do it with your one good eye and all....

Anyways...Granite, can you point your mom to the senior services in her area? Counsel on aging? You shouldn't have to give her cash. Maybe you can give her the speech....
"mother, it's probably a good thing your car had died, because we think you have gotten to the age that it's unsafe for you to drive"...lol....I loved that speech.

Chili....I would have doubled all of those spices...and used fresh garlic instead of the ball (which had me cracking up). Also stopdog had some really good ingredients. I add a bit of curry powder to mine as well. I also use veggie stock and vegan crumples. (they are kind of like ground meat frozen...you find them in the freezer in the organic section). I like black beans because they are dense. (You'd have to soak them overnight though).

Safety on the boards....I think things kind of turn over every year or so. We are missing a lot of people. The good old pc'rs with tons of knowledge who have simply grown past the need for these forums. They got better. We will too.

This Clorox bleach commercial cracks me up everytime where the little boy goes running to his mom "Mommy!Mommy! I went potty" That's great baby" She proceedes to look in the potty and saw nothing there and says to him "Where?" And the child points to the tub. Hahaha.

Ugh...I saw that and flipped it off. Makes me sick to my stomach.

a very wise person they got better. and we WILL also .there is an end to this hell

I believe that too Granite. I believe there is an end.

yike...I guess stuff has gotten bad...Doc John message on the forum.
(in 2 and a half years I have never seen that)

He's right though.

ware did doc post lol i didn't see

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=255677

wise words from doc john