How does one quit T?

Did you do it? If so, how?

I have been in T for a few years. I have resolved everything I came in for. I dont feel like i need T anymore. I spend about 600 per month on T which is a luxury for me. I would like to save that money.

My only problem is that while I don't need T, I do feel attached to her quite a bit, and I am afraid of grieving afterwards. Because of this, it has been easy for her to talk me out of it. I guess I am afraid of some old ways of negative thinking coming back if I don't see her regularly. But I have no sound basis for that.

So any solid methods and encouragement for terminating would be appreciated!

You can wind down, you can quit cold after telling the therapist you want to be done, you can just cancel your next appointment and not go back or you can talk to the therapist about setting an ending date among other ways.
I have never had one say I could not come back if I wanted to at a later date if they were still in business.

There is a blogger on Psychology Today - Ryan Howes who wrote about termination if you are interested. I think he is an obnoxious, condescending jerk, but many seem to like him.

I personally think that it would be healthier to give your t notice... So that u can go through the termination process together so that u can leave with closure.

The how is easy; the why is tough.

I'm wondering why your T "talks you out of it." Is it for valid, therapeutic reasons? Apparently you think not, as you say you've solved your issues. So the decision should be easy, as for a T to prolong therapy for non-therapeutic reasons would reveal incompetence, at the very least.

Yet you are still feeling a strong attachment--strong enough that you fear termination grieving. Those feelings come from need, and need usually connects to unfinished psychological business.

Now, the decision is absolutely yours to make. And you do have to feel a readiness to pursue deeper levels of therapy. But it does sound to me like there's a possibility that whatever distress brought you to therapy may have eased, yet some underlying issues may remain that keep you connected.

It's curious that you say you have no "sound basis" for your fears and request "solid" ways and "encouragement" to leave therapy.

You just don't sound convinced that you're ready to leave to me. Perhaps that's also what your T is reacting to?

ETA: Wait a minute: your OP is a bit misleading. You failed to mention your recent romantic transference here. Please don't manipulate and play games.

My therapist says that once you start feeling like you don't need the help anymore because your life is okay, and you get the support elsewhere and so on, and you start to think about saving the money, that's when it's time. After a long relationship I think the best way to go about it is to slowly space out appointments and see how you go. If things go well while you're doing that, then you know you're on the right path.

Well, sometimes I do think therapy can create problems that otherwise wouldn't exist. Romantic transference can be one of them.

A lot of emphasis can, and potentially should, be put on resolving that transference, and the feelings that underlie it (the desire for connection, etc...). In that way how we relate to the world can be understood and brought within our control.

However, it is also very true that the best way to get animals to mate in captivity is to just put them together (except for pandas). I think therapy is like that sometimes too. Put two people in the room, start talking about intimate things, and -independent of any deep seated underlying issues - wham! love is in the air.

In that sense, the therapy itself can be crazy making.

Perhaps it comes to this - if your feelings for your therapist are interfering with developing relationships outside of therapy, then it may be time to go. Your therapist should not be the ultimate frustrating surrogate, but a catalyst to your own happiness. Those feelings should be translated. "I know I can love again because I loved XXXX" type thing.

As far as grieving, oh you likely will. I know I did my past therapist, and he and I were long long past any of those transference issues. I just miss his presence.

It's tough. Good luck.

Have you and your T in those yrs never talked about it? We discussed how we end when we started.

I'm in the termination phase now with my t - basically i told her i was feeling ready to cut her loose, and we talked about it some that day and more since. As we're winding down our sessions I'm doing them less frequently twice a month instead of weekly. It was a huge coincidence but the timing of her move out of state, and going to phone sessions, was just perfect. I think that there's going to be a period of grieving after ending t no matter how ready a person is to end. My t and I even discussed grieving the end of our face-to-face therapy relationship. Talking about all of it with t is just so important in my opinion. Good luck.

So what I'm hearing is of the following:

1. Just stop going.
2. Taper it off. With some grieving help.
3. Your T moves away.

From those options I have chosen number 2. I gave my T a deadline and we are close, but she didn't agree to that deadline (she didnt disagree either and gave me the option to quit). I guess it is up to me to hold to it. I guess I just expected the T to help me a bit more with the grieving part.

Perhaps tell the therapist about the grieving part. Do you have ideas on what the therapist could do to help you with that part and if so, could you tell them?

Yeah I don't have a problem with that. And have told her. Just checking to see if these are the complete set of options. And what is common and accepted as healthy and what not. Thanks!

There is also the change frequency option - spreading out appointments from, for example, weekly to every two weeks to monthly etc unless that is what you mean by taper off. It seems different to me than the pick a date and stick with it option. There are probably other options too.

I don't think their is, amongst their ilk, a consensus about what is accepted as common or uncommon. There may be more agreement on healthier from their point of view of going and telling them rather than just stopping after a phone call or email - but I would not label it healthy or unhealthy because I think a lot of it is for the benefit of the therapist rather than the client - I suggest doing what one finds more or less useful for ones own self. I read a few books on termination and visited several therapists to get an understanding of it and rarely did the information match up, certainly not enough to say there is agreement on right or wrong ways. The ones I see regularly have said it is the client's choice and never talk about it unless I mention it, others start talking about it from the very start, some therapy types are intentionally short term and so forth. Good luck with it.

Geez, I vote cut back, ween yourself off..... maybe 2 x's monthly then 1 time a month, get out there and spread your wings, attempt to fly... with the caveat that you can return for a tune up if needed. Knowing you have the option of returning to the nest, may make the termination feel like more of a indefinite break. Good Luck.

PS. A set stop date is so rigid , it doesn't have to be like that.

Roger that. Thanks everyone!

When I'm ready to properly terminate we'll actually "cutting back" week by week until I'm at 2x a year. If I switch T's my old T use the same but quicker termination process and my new T will pick up the spots opened spots for a smooth transition.

Yeah, this is your ideal scenario, methinks. It's how I envisioned it..

Honestly, tapering so slowly could make it worse. It's not necessarily the best choice. I speak from experience. The grief in finishing, if it's not a clean ending, can be terrible and last for several months. If you're truly ready to finish, it shouldn't be such a terrible experience. You should be ready to fly.