Couch 26

Mixed - I don t know if you can relate to this but when I was doing standup, what got to me was that all of a siudden the president of the company wanted to talk to me. Here for years I had been working my butt off for him as a programmer but I tell a few jokes and N OW he knows me? It made me mad. So you are making me ask, what kind of transference is going on? You know Ellen DeGeneres said she can pay her t, or she can get paid to tell jokes, same diff!

MUE - I read that & think you're completely normal and entitled to want people to be proud of you. But I do totally get where you're coming from & I would feel the same way that you do.

MKAC-glad you are better today.

MUE-wanting people to be proud of you is totally normal. Everyone craves that positive reinforcement. Please dont punish yourself for it and for bringing that up in group. It was a brave thing to do. Reward yourself. If you punish yourself it's gonna feel worse in the end.

Thanks, hankster....I can understand how you would feel angry about being noticed only after you did something like that. I'd imagine feeling a bit of resentment in that case as well.

For me, I think it has to do with unmet childhood needs - a parental transference, perhaps. Wanting to be loved and accepted for who I am. I never experienced that growing up - and still don't have it now with my family.

I've been programmed to feel like a failure - and my family has a way of helping me feel diminished. I am working towards separating their stuff with mine and not owning it...Their judgments and sense of superiority don't necessarily mean that I'm a failure...that's step one. The next step, I'd imagine, is coming to terms with the idea that because of their own issues, I will most likely never find that sense of acceptance from them. Ultimately, I wish to get to a place where it wouldn't matter to me if I had it or not...but getting a taste of that unmet need being met by others felt incredible, which leads me to feeling shameful and so incredibly sad at what I never had.

Thanks, pbutton.

Thanks, Jersey.

I am trying not to act on the urge to punish myself. It's difficult to accept those feelings as normal when they elicit so much shame. Growing up, I was criticized, ridiculed and punished any time I expressed any kind of need. So, intellectually, it's not far fetched to understand where it stems.

MUE, this makes perfect sense. I was harshly and severely punished for drawing attention to myself or being being an "attention *****" growing up. It's hard to overcome that conditioning and be okay with admitting that you want attention and someone to be proud of you.

You did great by the way! I wasn't there and have no idea how it actually went, but I was SO impressed with how hard you practiced, and how you faced your fear and your insecurities and went through with the performance.

Mixed - so brilliant. I couldn't relate it to the family - too scary, but you are so right. That's where it belongs. I totally acted out at work. Not. Good.

Your right MUE. It's not far fetched at all. You being able to identify that is part of the healing. Hugs.

Hello everyone. I'm so tired today. I'm having a "Everybody hates me, nobody cares so I should just throw in the towel on therapy" kind of day. I wanna text T but I wont because it's not an emergency.

Ah, but being aware of it now is a great gain! Another avenue of opportunity.

The healing process sux....

I hate those kinds of days...Know that I care. I really, really do.

I hope you can find something to help lift some of the weight of those feelings.

((((Jersey)))) I'm having one of those kind of days myself. And I don't like it very much either. So I am heading to work and will be ms no-nonsense-robot-get-the-work-done so I can come home tonite and bury my head under the covers. I haven't felt like this in a really long time and I do not enjoy it in the least. Bah! Wish I had words of wisdom but I do offer understanding and support and hugs. This too shall pass.

((((ARTEMIS))))) (((((JERSEY))))) (((((HANKSTER))))) (((((MUE)))))....

We need a good ole fashion pick me up party!

Hi everyone...just checked in during my lunch hour... when is the party!!!

Ugh... Hard morning. It looks like everybody is having a rough day. Hang in there!

Thanks for the hugs and support you guys. I love my fellow couchers.

Hope everyone's day gets better, RS I have no idea who is on the couch party planning committee.

I want a nap. Getting to work by 6 is hard. I'm used to 7. Never knew how much that hour makes a huge difference.

Someone tell me it would not be a good idea to text T because that makes me a needy broken idiot.

Sorry Jersey... Love to help, But I don't think texting T makes you a needy broken idiot.... so no can do. If you wanna text and you are allowed too then do it, if it will relieve some tension for you by reaching out for a few words of encouragement. If it will make you feel worse, then by all means don't do it. Either way your not broken, needy ( in a bad way ) or an idiot, your human.

i could use a pick me up party for the next few hours

I would like to join in on the pick me up party if that's okay. The last couple of days have been awful, and I don't really know why. I also just go through with a not so great t session.

I'm sorry that so many other people are feeling bad right now as well. Healed, Granite, Artemis, Jersey, Hankster, MUE I hope that all of your days get better.

Hello to Ready, Pbutton, Lola, MKAC, (Stopdog, Apt, Chopin, CE if you are all around this afternoon,) and anyone else on the couch.

Hey trdleblue, sorry you are having a rough time too....

I see you CE.....

I miss APT....

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rought time trdle.