The whole session 12-11-12

Quite simply...she is a bad therapist....just the glaring is enough. Therapists aren't supposed to show anger, frustration, etc....they are trained (supposedly) to not take things personally (of course they are affected by client stuff, but nOT supposed to show it. Sounds as if she has issues. She works for you, if it is all this frustration and misery, you should look in to hiring someone else who isn't argumentative,etc........as a client you are supposed to feel cared about and safe. That isn't what is going on here.

You are a good woman.

Chopin, I really don't know what to say about the whole thing. I'm always in awe over your sessions and the connection the 2 of you have. As others have said, I give you a ton of credit for staying and not walking out as that was a lot to take in. If what she did was not a different technique she was pulling out, then I'm not sure what that was. Just pure tough love maybe. I hope you work it out next session. I'm sure you will. Hugs.

Chopin-
You are amazing and so strong for sticking it out through that session.
I am not sure I could handle reactions like that from my t.
I agree with someone who suggested asking your t about how she viewed the session. It would be interesting to see where the common ground and the not so common ground lies.

Yes but... They are also supposed to be honest and genuine. A difficult balance.

My T says she has to "stay real".

wow chopin. this is kinda nuts for therapy. i read your posts now and then, and while i'm the same faith as you, i do think you could find someone who is a better fit for you from what i read. you seem emotionally sensitive and your T is very direct and blunt. among other things her telling you her clients don't affect her and then the big "i love you" and hug at the end are quite the cognitive dissonance and frankly a bit crazymaking. i guess she means clients don't affect her negatively but yeah that is b.s. because you can't have just positive emotions or reactions without the negative ones too.

if you don't mind my asking i'm curious as to her training. is she an actual psychotherapist or a pastor or is she a counselor? as i'm sure you know the training does make a big difference in their approach (not to mention whether they are cbt, psychodynamic, etc.) and this doesn't sound like actual psychotherapy to me. it sounds like she has helped you previously with some issues but maybe you would be better off now with a regular psychotherapist like an MFT or psychologist or at least one who isn't quite so church ladyish. it sounds like you've done dbt, maybe another T with that training?

take care of yourself. please consider your options and don't stay in a T situation unless you really think it is continuing to help you.

My heart aches for you! You are so BRAVE and so AMAZING. I admire you so much and I can't even imagine how hard it all was. Let me just say, I would have been out of there in the first 5 minutes. Out the door, down the road, never to be seen again. I can't believe u kept your cool. That was so brave. I can't even think... My head is reeling.

Let me comment on a few things. When she got up to get the Kleenex, and there were folks outside, that would have rattled me so much. It also must have been so unbearably hard to sit there in tears when she isn't so angry. She sounds so accusing, and so mean. I don't know her, so obviously, don't take my opinion strongly, but in reading this... Omg. She sounds like she lies, talks out of both sides of her mouth, is unstable, and erratic. It sounds like u used to have a good relationship, and so it must hurt u so much that this all happened. I am angry at her on your behalf.

That all being said... Are u going to stay with her?

Chopin, I hope you're all right with all of these comments. It reminds me of my threads where I get criticized, except it's your T getting criticized. My former T used to get criticized a lot, which made me defensive. I think most people want to defend their Ts. So, first I want you to know that, even though you report what happened, none of us is there with you in the room so we don't know what T's face really looked like, only what you say. Not that I don't believe you, it's just that we still see only your side of the picture.

I think I would cringe at some of the things your T said. I agree that they are inappropriate and unprofessional. I don't want to repeat everything that was said in other posts. I hope you and your T can come to an understanding but I think she's got to own her part in "messing up" last session. It reminds me of zooropa's T and her problems. Wonder how she is. I hope your T apologizes for some of the hurtful comments she made.

I really think your T is great. She may have just lost her s h i t that day. I truely believe this can be worked thru given the relationship.

Thanks to all who read my "book" and commented. I need food for thought before my next session. Thankfully, I don't seem to be ruminating about it today. Today is also the first day I found myself glad I have until next Thursday to process.

I plan to respond to 4-5 posts at a time. Thanks again for your concern and advice.

Thanks LoneWolfie. I had two alternate reactions; RUN away and STAY and see if it gets better. T's are as human as us, but I have to say, I have never raised my voice to any of my IDD clients.

Thanks, Asiablue. Yes, absolute bulls**t. I have felt joy, love, sadness, anger, frustration, and disgust when dealing with my clients. Good or bad, she needs to own up.

Thanks, Fixated. It's all true. I know that she isn't completely healthy for me, but I have healed quite a bit under her care...and she's taught me a lot about flexibility.

Thanks Struggling. She was rather out of control. I knew it from the time I heard my name said in the waiting room. Yes, anyone who works in the mental and physical health fields is supposed to control emotions.

I am happy you've realized it is about her and not about you. Maybe this is the one valuable lesson you can extract from this...although I'm sure it's a painful one to swallow.

I know you're accostomed to the religious thing, but I am really bothered by the "we have no control, God has all the control" talk. If this is true, why do people pray? And what point is free will if we have no control? And if God has all the control, why shouldn't we resent him for causing our suffering? I'd love for my therapist to go there with me so that I could get into a good argument with her. But I know this is a fantasy.

I would also be bothered by her refusal to own up to her own emotions. She's supposed to be setting a good example for you. I think the interaction would have been salvageable if she had just said, "Yes, I was mad, but it's because I let my emotions get in the way of reason" or something like that. I think there is place for anger in a therapeutic setting, but she totally loused it up. And not in a way that's even understandable or sympathetic.

Thanks, Artemis. No, she is not in therapy herself. I swear she's been "off" the last 2 sessions. Heh...I didn't pay for this session as the receptionist was gone.

I hate that you've been through through this. I fear a Dear John letter, but que sera sera.

Thanks MUE. Oh, I most definitely plan to ask her that next session!!

Thanks, skysblue. Not therapeutic at all. She basically turned into my mother last session. This act and my perception of it should teach me something. I'm letting it simmer until next session.

She was being cruel and deliberate. Her intention was to show dominance.

People in the waiting room hmmm...

I would've stripped naked in her office and spanked my own *** red. then I would have ran out of the office still naked with clothes in hand and show my freshly spanked *** to every person in the waiting room, screaming she spanked me she spanked me.

The the only medicine I have for people is laughter but seriously if I did that, it would instantly destroy 12 months of progress she was trying to make in her own life.

She essentially destroyed your reputation with her.
how would she feel if you destroyed her reputation?

relationships are 2 way street regardless of the dynamics.

She was cruel.

Hi Chopin,
Sorry I haen't been on in awhile. I've probably missed stuff leading up to this. I don't know anything about the e-mail or the other session where she seemed off. I also haven't ever seen this side of your t before, but take others word for it that you've posted experiences like this in the past.
I give you so much credit for sticking with the session! I'm extremely sensitive so all this behavior would have damaged me so bad, I probably never would have come back. For her to swear at you, be glaring at you, and all that she said about you losing 12 months of progress in one e-mail, and then for her to say she's not angry and that her clients don't affect her is so crazy making.
I'm curious too, what her training is. It also worries me that she's not in therapy herself. If this continues, at least if it were me, I'd look for someone else. You don't need to go to therapy to be judged and treated badly, or to have to be the one who is the "better person" by acting adult and trying to calm her down. I'm glad it's not bothering you so much you can't work. You seem to have a better perspective on your feelings towards your clients than she does for hers. It's so funny, that one minute she could be so loving towards you and the next come out with this. Not healthy at all. You might have gone as far as you can go with this one. I really hope you guys can either work it out, or you can find someone who is at least honest with themselves.