[reesecups]

Was curious if anyone has the same ideas as I do about this. Are you male or female? And do you have a preference for a therp of the same sex or opposite sex?

I'll answer first: I am a 50 year-old woman who has been in therapy for 22 years. I prefer female therps. I don't think it matters to me what sex pdocs are. But I generally feel more comfortable around women. Some stuff I bring up would not be comfortable for me to bring up to a male therp. I know there are good male therps, but just not my druthers. It also has a lot to do with male authority figures in my life that have been extremely bad when I was growing up. No sexual or physical abuse. But my father was sexually inapropriate to me and I did not have very good experience working with male bosses.

Frankly, I have a fear of men, even though I know not all of them are bad. My pdoc appears friendly enough. But I don't mind seeing him because it's just for meds.

I feel like women understand female issues better, for the most part. I feel safer with them. And maybe, because I'm not gay, I don't have to worry about getting too attracted to my therp and that causing problems.

Anyone else?

This comes up pretty regularly here. I think we've pretty much discovered that this is completely personal preference and the number who like same sex therapists versus different sex therapists is about the same from what I've gathered.

I am a 50 year old woman and I have always preferred a male therapist. I've worked long-term with 3 male therapists over the years.

I am much more comfortable talking to a male therapist. I like their directness, their strength of presence, the way they respect my experience without pitying my experience.

I tried several female therapists, and every last one of them was to touchy-feely for me. They wanted to tell me their own histories I guess as a way of empathizing, but it came off as very invalidating because they seemed to be making my experience all about them. They seemed to pity me and treat me as fragile rather than honoring my strength.

We all need different things in our therapy, so we will have different preferences and perceptions of the therapists we work with.

[Favorite Jeans]

My current T is a woman and most of my past Ts were too. But that's just the way it's worked out. I wouldn't be opposed to having a male T.

For a while I didn't think I could handle a male physician doing a gyne exam on me--and maybe there was a time that I couldn't have. But then I started dealing with infertility and it happened that most of my physicians were male. It was a group practice and I had to come in on specific days for treatment so I got whoever was on that day. And it was really no big deal for me. I'm just saying this to illustrate that sometimes we put too much on a person's gender and not enough on who they are as an individual.

[critterlady]

I'm a 55 year old woman and I used to think that I could only ever have a female T. I had issues with men in general, some stemming from SA when I was a young teen, but also difficulty talking and relating to men.

But then I found myself in a situation where I didn't have a choice and had a male T, it turned out fine. And then later when I did have a choice, I chose a male T, precisely because of my issues with men. I figured it would be a good way to resolve them. It turned out I was right. Yes, there are some things he doesn't automatically understand the way a woman would, but on the other hand, he makes no assumptions about anything. He wants to know how I feel, not because I'm a woman, but because I'm me.

Also, you mentioned not wanting being attracted to your T to get in the way as a reason to see a woman. If you're talking about transference, you should know that transference knows no gender or sexual orientation. Female clients can experience it with either female or male therapists, because it's not really so much about the therapist as it is about the client and what she's been missing in her life.

[Rzay4]

I am in my mid 20s and prefer females but like male pdocs

[Puglife]

I'm a female and I think I prefer male therapists. I have mostly only had male therapists a pdocs. I once saw a woman a long time ago briefly and it was fine but not great.

I currently have a male who is close to my age, attractive and athletic. I think that all of his female and gay male clients would have transference with him but maybe it's just me. I have a really good bond with him and for the first time I am getting a lot out of therapy. I also wish I could go have a beer with him but sadly/ fortunately he has strong boundaries.

Next week I start marriage counseling with a female and I'm nervous, although I'm sure I would feel that way if it was a male too.

[JustForNow!]

So, I'm a middle aged straight women and have only had a female T. I also had a fear of men as my dad abused me. Always been fearful of men. However, I've always gravitated to women in my life rather than men - I prefer the shorthand between two females that comes naturally. However, it did not stop my falling in love BIG time with my T. And I'm okay with that. It has helped me heal without having to be worried around the T in a room with a closed door, as an extra emotion to deal with.

[Daeva]

I prefer woman therapists, because I have had horrible experiences with all male authorities in my life, alot of abuse and I just don't feel comfortable talking to men. I'm a woman, 23.

I prefer female, I can't imagine talking to a male therapist due to past issues, I have a male Pdoc who I see about my meds and he is lovely enough but I can't talk to him like I can with my T.

[ShrinkPatient]

I'm a 38 yr old women. I believe I prefer a female t. My current t if a female and I actually can't envision ever having a different T, even though I know I'll have to eventually. I don't think I would feel as comfortable with a male. I had a male once and I'm not sure he ever understood me.
I do have mommy issues to the extent she, my mom, was abusive both physically and psychologically. She could never bring herself to love me and eventually abandoned me at the age of 12. So,that's probably why I want a female. And YES, I do suffer from maternal transference, but it's worth it!

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[Freewilled]

I prefer male Ts, at this point. I would definitely not want to go back to a female T right now...I would imagine I'd end up feeling extremely judged for some reason. I think I have some problems related to my mom though so that's prob a lot to do with it.

I'm mid-40s and female and prefer male Ts. I could not handle a female T right now, although I'm much better with women in general than I used to be.

.
Honestly, I would prefer a T that was a dolphin, dog, or some highly intelligent animal.

Maybe an alien would be alright too.

[growlycat]

I'm 41 and female--I prefer older male T's (older than me anyways).

My main abuser as a kid was female so that's where my bias comes from. Early on I tried a female T , it just wasn't gellin'.

[reesecups]

I thought it interesting about the comment made about it didn't matter whether you're gay or not, there can still be transference. Hmm. I'm gonna have to think about that. My other therps have always been female and older than me and I guess I was okay with that because I may have been looking for a mother figure and they filled the bill.

The one I have now is younger. But I do have to say, although I do not have any romantic feelings toward any of them, I can say I loved them because they seemed to care and help me. Is that transference? I've never admitted these things to my therps. I just thought that when exposing your intimate feelings about things and getting validation and empathy, it is natural to love them in a non-sexual way. Am I wrong. Hope that's not a stupid question but I have never thought about transference before.

[feralkittymom]

There are lots of different kinds of transference, though romantic or erotic and parental are most common. But I think you can certainly have all sorts of feelings for a T that are not transference. I think the key to figuring out the difference is in the intensity and timing of the feelings. If they happen suddenly, or more intensely than the situation or relationship seems to be, or despite the reality of the relationship, then they're probably transference.

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

There are lots of different kinds of transference, though romantic or erotic and parental are most common. But I think you can certainly have all sorts of feelings for a T that are not transference. I think the key to figuring out the difference is in the intensity and timing of the feelings. If they happen suddenly, or more intensely than the situation or relationship seems to be, or despite the reality of the relationship, then they're probably transference.

Thanks for your response. I also did a little research. I was just taken aback that I had so little knowledge of the reality and differences of it. I just assumed it meant you had romantic feelings toward your therp. Learn something new every day!

[anilam]

I have problems with men (CSA) so I choose one, older (50). I'm female in late twenties.

[Bloem]

I am a woman in her thirties, I'm gay. My T is a woman who is at least 25 years older. I've always had female therapists, that worked well for me. The last time i went inpatient. They asked me if it was ok that I got a man as T otherwise I could only start two weeks later. I thought it was a good way to try to work with a male T. And it was not bad, it worked for me. I have DID and for some 'insiders' it was difficult, But it did not cause big problems.

Bloem

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by Bloem

I am a woman in her thirties, I'm gay. My T is a woman who is at least 25 years older. I've always had female therapists, that worked well for me. The last time i went inpatient. They asked me if it was ok that I got a man as T otherwise I could only start two weeks later. I thought it was a good way to try to work with a male T. And it was not bad, it worked for me. I have DID and for some 'insiders' it was difficult, But it did not cause big problems.

Bloem

Interesting. When I began group last March, I had to experience having a male group leader. Made me uncomfortable at first, especially since his name is John like my father and they dressed similarly, and I DEFINITELY have daddy issues. I actually began thinking he was pretty good. I like the guy now and usually enjoy his groups. The last time I was hypo I embarrassingly divulged this stuff in group. I'm still embarrassed about it. I hope he didn't think I meant romantically I like him. I just said something along the lines of why I had first been intimidated and that he wax a pretty nice guy. And it wasn't just a statement, but I was gushing. Still kind of embarrassed about that.

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by reesecups

Interesting. When I began group last March, I had to experience having a male group leader. Made me uncomfortable at first, especially since his name is John like my father and they dressed similarly, and I DEFINITELY have daddy issues. I actually began thinking he was pretty good. I like the guy now and usually enjoy his groups. The last time I was hypo I embarrassingly divulged this stuff in group. I'm still embarrassed about it. I hope he didn't think I meant romantically I like him. I just said something along the lines of why I had first been intimidated and that he wax a pretty nice guy. And it wasn't just a statement, but I was gushing. Still kind of embarrassed about that.

I have man issues but never had problems when i was in a group with more people. But what I noticed after this experience with a male T (it was for six weeks, i saw him individually twice a week and he also did some groups) That my fears are less then first, in situations where i am alone with a man. I noticed that recently I walked during daytime in my street and a man walked past me and he was greeting me. I said 'hello' back and looked at him. Normally I would look at the ground, because there were also no other people. And in more situations, things changed. So it was a good experience for me. Still, my preference is for a female therapist.

I know that embarresed feeling. I can be very impulsive, say what I think. One day my T looked very good. I said something like 'wow you look good, you are a beautiful woman' When I realized what I had said I felt ashamed and I was worried that she would think I meant it in a romantic way.

We talked about transference and she even asked me if I was in love with her. Because i was struggling with feelings for her. I told her then, if I was in love with her she would have noticed that, because i would have made a move! hahaha

The feelings that I found difficult were more maternal feelings, I began to see her as a mother.

Bloem

[MusicLover79]

I'm female and I prefer a male therapist. I have had a female therapist in the past and she was awful so that's why I prefer male now.

I'm a female and I prefer a female therapist. Unfortunately, I just find it much easier to open up to members of the same sex.