Being attacked because someone doesn't agree

I haven't read all the posts, I don't have a lot of time right now to do so. I just didn't want to wait to say that I appreciate you Sannah. We don't always see eye to eye, but you have always encouraged me and tried to flesh out good things for me. I have never found you to ever be mean spirited or argumentative. I am sorry if you've been hurt, I just wanted to take a second and say I appreciate you.

I will read the posts and respond appropriately later.

I totally agree, and I've seen your threads when people told you you were attacking and I didn't see it that way either.

Yeah, I'm usually able to do this but because of that perfect storm that I was talking about, it is making it a bit harder this time. I just need to decide what I'm doing and why I'm doing it and if I'm getting the right balance for myself. Thanks!

Never said that.

I have used this forum a lot. I have solved a lot of issues here.

Is this what you think I'm doing? I'm working through this issue that I have had on this forum on this forum. I'm not blackmailing anyone.

((((((Sannah)))))))),
I have to admit that I have posted at least one or two attacking posts when I was triggered, and I regretted each one. I think it shouldn't have happened, but I owned what was mine, and that was all that I could do.
I also think I have hopefully helped more people than the slips I have had.

You have helped me tremendously, and I have learned a lot from how you respond to other posters, with questions and such. You present as someone who truly knows what they are doing

I have been triggered by people, and not too long ago, I decided instead of ignoring the posts, that I would try to understand the people that I understand the least, and I have learned a lot from those people.

I can see that you are trying to work through this, and I think that you are brave to post. I see that you are seeking help, and I want you to know that I am here if you want to talk, just PM me You are a valued member on this forum. I think that we can't please everybody, we might remind somebody of someone in their past, an that is not us, but them. I know you will make an awesome therapist, and I think it is important for you to work through this in any way you can. My wish for you is that you can hear the criticism of you and still believe in yourself (my wish for me, too, and for all). Easier said than done. You are worthy and important.

shanna you have helped me so much. if you left it would definately leave a huge space in my heart.
i don't know why some people here feel in is there right and duty to try and put others in there place if they disagree and hide behind the fact that this is a public forum and don't read if you don't like kind of thing. unfortunately some people are mean spirited and feel the need to impose it on others. i have never ever heard a mean word from you . dont let this hurt your spirit sannah we need people like you here.

Amatter, you are so sweet! Owning up is awesome. I have also been triggered on this forum a few times (and it was helpful to work through it).

Thanks for seeing that I'm trying to work through this .... This actually brought tears to my eyes because just a few minutes ago I realized something about what is going on with me about this.

The issue that I'm dealing with IRL is volunteering and helping or just being nice to people IRL no matter what (turning the other cheek) and then getting hurt from it sometimes. My husband has a saying that no good deed goes unpunished. At first I said "No!", but then I started seeing that there is some truth in this. I'm getting better at seeing this now. I'm sure there is balance in all this and this is what I'm navigating right now.

was this truly in the spirit of help ? if you truly believe it is, i just wonder how you think it is, you must have some theory. if not it seems the only thing it may have done was somehow make you feel better. i couldn't possibly know . if it is neither can you tell me why you felt it needed to be said

Granite this is so insightful of you. Thank you for this.

I am not attacking ( again) I really just don´t understand your reaction and why you look for this support in here? If you wan´t to become a " pro" aren´t you under supervison? Also the issue it self about feeling attacked may be good to discuss in T ? ( To mirror your own usually reply to some posts...????) Just a final input...how can one become a T and react strongly on a forum for people who are in T? IMO just doesn´t " add up". Good luck however...

I'm sorry you feel like you're being attacked. I think all voices are appropriate and welcomed. I'm aware mine isn't, for whatever reasons, but I just try to learn from my mIstakes, often wIthout any real feedback. I applaud you for bringing it up.

I'd imagine there's value in some of the unpleasant feedback as well.

In group T, when one asks questions of another, we are encouraged to share why we are asking the question to help equalize and personalize the exchange.

Thank you lonely for responding. I'm posting here just to work this out. I've done a lot of T work and now I find that I can work through issues by myself with help here. I guess you don't see how you were going after me for having an opinion? Stopdog, summarized it well I think by saying that sometimes people go personal and I feel that this is what happened between us.

I'm not doing therapy here. I give support and sometimes info and just try to help people narrow down what is bothering them so that they can take it back to their T and work on it.

Do you think that I triggered you?

Sannah...if you were a proffessional right now, how would you adress me ( as a client..)?... ( Again just mirroring)

You seem irritated, and it seems a bit extreme for this issue, so I'm wondering if there's something going on with you that this is stemming from. My T tells me that usually when we have a strong reaction to something, it's indicative of something important within us that we can explore.

I find myself irritated when people say "I am not attacking" and then they go ahead and attack. For me, I know it's from the people I've been around in my life who were abusive to me and tried to downplay the abuse. I find it helpful to delve into understanding my strong emotions and how it applies to me personally.

If she was a professional, she would at least be getting paid to respond to you.

Edited to add: I'd also imagine that not feeding into your attempts to bait her into a debate where you continue to throw daggers into whatever she says would be a healthy course of action.

As someone with no dog in this fight, it feels to ME like you are trying to go after Sannah. Why do you have such a strong reaction to her?

Sannah,
I am so sorry you feel like this and I am glad you brought it up and didn't just leave like a few people have done in the past because of this very reason.
I find your help and support very uselful aand always appreciate your replies, especially recently as you helped me with my identity issues. I think if people don't agree then thats their problem, I don't see the need for attacks on her, everyone is entitled to their opinions and their two cents worth, personally if I don't have anything positive to say I don't say anything at all or will just give a hug if I can't find the words.
I think it would be a shame if you left
BTW, if someone is triggered by something you said, that is not your problem, its their issue and I know this is hard to understand when someone is attacking you and it is hard to seperate the two facts, I hope you can start to see that you are not responsible for anyone elses behaviour or how they react to what you say or the advice you give.

nevermind

I'm not quite sure I understand, as I'm not familiar with the history here. But I'd imagine that awareness can be helpful in navigating it.

I know that one important aspect is figuring out what's in it for each party involved. Sometimes we hear things that cause our defenses to go into play. Sometimes people are intentionally hurtful, want to harm us, do things as a way to manipulate to get what they want. It's been useful for me to understand where one is coming from to see if any of those things fit....or, if it's just me overreacting based on my own life experiences and triggers...or the other person's. Being willing to navigate through it in a healthful way is my goal. Sometimes people aren't receptive to that, though.

Sannah, I am sorry you feel attacked. I value your input in my threads and I think you'll do great as a T. The question was raised about whether a T can post on PC or on the psychotherapy forum if they aren't here for their own support. I know we do have Ts here who also start threads for support of their own issues. I looked at the guidelines and can't find anything about it, so I just wondered where, if anywhere, that is addressed.

I know how it feels to be criticized in a thread. When that happened to me in some of my previous threads, I immediately got defensive and may have attacked the attacker. It made me want to lash out at the posters. Most of us want understanding and compassion first, and not criticism. I cried and was very triggered by the criticism I got. Later on though, I could reread the posts and see the truth in them, or if I didn't feel they were helpful, I could forget about them.

No one likes to be attacked! Even though we don't know each other in RL, we are real people, and what others write can hurt us deeply. I think we all have to try to think more before we reply, especially about how we would feel if we got the response we're posting. We each have different styles, and different strengths and weaknesses. We have to remember that, and then we can all get along together.

Sannah, I think people didn't know until this thread that you were a T, or planning to be one, or going back to work as one (I'm not sure which is correct). Maybe I should just speak for myself. So, sometimes I wondered why you weren't asking for help for yourself, but mainly giving "T type answers, or questions," which have been helpful to me. I'm sorry that you felt a need to start this thread, but in one sense, it makes you more approachable and less of a stranger, if that makes sense. I hope you stick around; I would miss you if you leave the forum!

Sannah, I don't know you, but I love the idea of a therapist seeking help here. Makes me feel like we are all human. T's are no better than us, not like they present themselves that way, but we often forget when we are dependant on them.

Sannah, I have always find your feedback helpful I hope that you continue to post here

Ok...I read the posts. I think that it's hard not to react to the many flavors of posters that we have here, and a lot of reactions are knee-jerk and then defense. I have OFTEN posted knee-jerks, and felt stupid later on. I don't do it as often as I used to because I have gotten to know people's styles and intentions.

There was a time when I pulled back a bit and felt like you were "practicing" on me, or others (when I was newer), but I have since gotten to know you and I feel like I know your heart and intentions. When I read your posts I know THIS is the Sannah that helped Suzie break thru A, and Sally stop B, and Gingie end C. THIS is the Sannah that stayed up half the night posting with Trudie when she was in a really tough bind. This is the Sannah that cares.

Text and font doesn't portray who we are, it's a relationship we form over time of posting and getting to know each other. So on the days that WikidPissah goes off on Hanksta (like anyone could hate on the hanksta) most posters will think "hey, that can't be what she meant, she doesn't usually treat people like that" instead of sending me a thousand hate pms.

It comes down to think before you type.
Something I need to be very mindful of.

Wikid, you are wikid cool.

Sannah, I realize we do not speak much, but I am on your side.

I am breaking a two week silence on PC to post on this thread. There has been a reason for my silence (which has nothing to do with PC) and I will continue that silence after this post. I just feel very strongly about this issue.

1. Do people not realize there are other therapists on this forum? I will not name anyone, but sometimes even T's are in therapy themselves. They are human, they have issues, they make mistakes in their lives...in other words, they are no different than anyone else. They have professional training on how to help others. If doctors can get sick, therapists can have mental health issues.
2. There are other types of mental health professionals on this forum. I am one of them. I can help others while receiving help from others. Several coworkers call me "the free therapist" because I reach out to help others through my own experiences and I have an uncanny sense of deducing reasons for behavior (as long as I am not close to the person...that seems to cloud my judgment).
3. The whole point of this forum is support. While everyone has the right to an opinion, to agree or disagree, to frankly say whatever they want...every single action, every choice we make has a consequence. Consequences are mostly seen negatively, but they are actually neutral. I define consequence as whatever happens after and directly related to my actions and choices. I can choose to disagree with someone, but state it in a way that does not invalidate the individual I'm disagreeing with.
4. I come here for two reasons (aside of helping/supporting others); support and challenge. I need to be challenged sometimes and I try my darndest to take information that I may not want to hear and consider and apply it. My ultimate goal is to change myself; to be a better person, although I become sidetracked at times.
5. This may be the only point of contention, Sannah. I will remind the folks who are a bit more self-actualized than others of us (I consider you one of them) that many people on this forum have major issues/illnesses. They may be brand new to therapy or have been in therapy for years. There are people of all ilks here. People like me who manipulate and assume the worst of others. Most of the time, I am not aware that I manipulate...it is that ingrained. People may be attacking and they don't even realize it. People are by nature reactionary, but things go along better when people respond.

I'm sorry you feel attacked, Sannah. I hope you find peace about this issue as well.