Told my therapist.

I plucked up the courage today to tell my therapist that I miss him considerably between sessions and that I am living in dread and sadness of the end of therapy in a couple of months time. I also told him of the fears that were preventing me from telling him, such as what he would think of me, or that he would misunderstand my feelings and think that I am in love with him etc.

I am so glad that I have told him, I just wish I hadn't waited till now to do so. It hasn't really lessened my post-therapy blues, and I hence I am feeling low now and know that it will be worse tomorrow. But despite that I feel good for having told him.

If anyone else is in a similar position then I would highly recommend telling your therapist, especially if you have a good rapport with them.

Hi Owl!

God for you!

Ive gotten so attached to my therapist. I dont know why or how it happened. I feel sick in between sessions and I feel "longing". I was going to tell her but I am so afraid that she will think Im a stalker or something so I changed my mind. I have a childhood friend who is a therapist in another city and she said that i should tell the therapist and if she has any substance she will handle it well and work through it with me on my therapy journey.

I told mine how alone I feel and how much I miss her. She knows I am going through a tough time and has asked me to text her every time I feel like that. I just ask if she is there and she replies how she is thinking of me. I am meant to do it any time I feel that way, but I worry about bugging her so I only do it when things are very bad. It's been a big help

My worries about what my therapist would think of me were similar to yours 'Tilly may'. But I am glad I took the risk and told him. It turns out that he thinks my feelings are positive, and that my attachment to him, the fact that I really like him and enjoy our time together, is all useful stuff for therapy. I know for myself that I would not be able to share my thoughts, fears and feelings with him as I do, or be able to do some of the scary CBT 'homework' if I didn't feel the way I do about him. Trust and affection go hand in hand for me.

My partner knows how I feel, which I am happy about, and he has even brought me some cologne to use only when I go to therapy so that in the future if I am ever missing my therapist, or just need a dose of courage, I can smell that smell and be transported back into that safe, supportive place.

Sadly Willowleaf the organisation through which I am receiving therapy does not allow me to have much in the way on contact with my therapist between sessions. It is really hard, as an occasional email or text would go a long way to helping me when I am feeling really low.

Wow I cant believe she is letting you text her! That is so thoughtful and cool!

I see my therapist next Tuesday and I think I will tell her then. I just dont know how to tell her. Its really bothering me and Im trying to forget about her.

Ugh I feel sooo attached to my T. This has only really happened in the past few weeks but I have such a sense of longing and loneliness between sessions that it hurts. I want to be able to tell her I miss her but am worried about sounding like a weirdo stalker too. I know I should tell her but i don't know how. I'll have to do it some time though because I will go crazy holding it all in.

What a weird relationship T is ...

Amen to that.

I woke up thinking, how sad of me to believe that my therapist cares. I feel exactly as you describe here. PAINFUL LONGING! I have to stop and tell myself that i am just her client, thats it, her client. it is her job to listen to me and be nice. she is getting paid 60 dollars an hour to listen to my problems and to act like she cares. But i have to get real here, i am her client, not her child.Can you imagine how draining it would be on her if she actually did care about every one of her clients?

Ive decided to move on and not to tell her.

(((((Tilly May)))))

I know It's sad to have to think that way. I think I'll just keep pretending she really does care and that she's not just in it for the money, that she does worry about me or think about me when I'm not there etc. I don't want to think that she doesn't. To be honest I don't think I can tell her anyway. It would reveal too much.

I think that generally therapists (like others in caring professions) do care about us, if they didn't they could not do their jobs properly. They clearly empathise and want what is best for us. However, of course their feelings for us are not the same and certainly not as strong as many of our feelings for them.

I am not surprised that I feel the way I do about my T. He is literally helping me form a new life, free from the chains of anxiety that have bound me and damaged my life for many years; how can he not be significant to me? In addition he is the only person that I feel truly comfortable revealing my innermost feelings, fears and emotions to. And then there are the small things; like his gentle manner, his humour, etc that I would like and value in any person. Together this creates affection, just as it would in another setting, but more intense because of the particular nature of the therapeutic relationship. Naturally I will miss this terribly when it is over.

I don't think anyone need rush to tell their therapist about their emotions for them, it's taken me weeks and weeks. But perhaps eventually, as it did with me, the time will feel right. He has said we will talk about it again so that we can find ways for me to manage my feelings.

Well, I hear you all. The whole therapy thing is crazy. Totally utterly crazy. they care, they don't. There is a lot of push/pull in it.

However, what I have learned is that, for me, the "truth" about the relationship is that it lies in the in between.

It's not all clinical, and it's not all emotional. They are not our idealized mother/father/lover/friend and they aren't just our doctors either.

The good ones sit right in the middle of those opposites.

Our job is to hold them right there in that spot and tolerate, perhaps even embrace, that place in our lives.

I know I had to sit and really work to bring my therapist to that place. Part of allowing him to come there was letting him now where I was.

I knew I would either get there, or run away screaming about how insane the whole thing was.

Luckily I didn't run away.

Wow. This might be the coolest thing I've ever heard. What I wouldn't give to have someone who loves me like that.

I fought the attachment dance tooth & nail. She kept predicting it, encouraging it. Part of my 'fighting' was that I refused to believe she cared. I made lots of hurtful accusations about that. I told her that I'd also be able to 'care' for someone who paid me $100 an hour to do it. It wasn't until way down the road that she revealed that it really hurt her when I said things like that. I would have long arguments making my case about how there was no way for me to ever believe she really 'cares' because it's paid-for. What could she say?

It took a looong time for there to be enough experiences in our relationship.. but there came a time that I had one of those 'light bulb' moments. I work at a children's hospital and do neurological testing in an inpatient setting. I have my patients and their families for periods from 4 - 7 days on average. I develop relationships with them. I suppose there are some that come and go and don't make a mark on me, but the vast majority of them do. I feel genuine affection for them. I fall asleep thinking about them. They are on my mind as I drive to the hospital to work. They make marks on me, and there are a lot of things I will do when I'm there that I don't *have* to do - I just do it because I've grown fond of them. I could write a long post giving examples of what I'm talking about, but will spare you. My point is that I finally made the connection... and it dawned on me that I pay for my therapist's time... her expertise and skill... but no amount of money can "buy" her care. Or the affection I feel coming from her. Or the look in her eyes that tells me I have a place in her heart... which I find out about when she says "I saw such and such the other day and it made me think about you..."

So I'd encourage you to talk to her. Tell her you're worrying about feeling increasingly attached.. that it's making you miss her between sessions and you don't know what to do with it. If she's worth anything, she will know how to help you with it. The 'pain' factor will diminish considerably, and together you'll figure out something that will work. My therapist will schedule extra sessions. She allows me to text and email, as long as I don't expect an answer. That doesn't mean she won't, but I've promised to be okay with it if she can't or doesn't respond. Lots and lots of things have happened in our relationship that lets me know that I'm not just a scheduled slot on her calendar. She cares about me. She may be a bigger part of my life than I am of hers, but no one can convince me that I'm not part of her life. I've got my own spot in her heart, and I think her heart is big enough to hold her family, her friends, and her clients. And I like my spot, because it's mine.

You put that beautifully Crescent Moon. Thank you.

Crescent Moon, so good of you to encourage me. Thank you so much. I did write to my therapist today and told her. She has not emailed back, so Im not sure how she feels. I guess I will find out at my next session. I too work at a hospital and I agree, i do think about my patients long after they leave my office.
thanks
Cyn

no, excellent posting. This is for you

the PC threads flow on and on, like water in a stream, but I wish so much I could hold onto some of them. This one for instance. I would keep it for reference when I feel like (which I have, this week). Thank you.

Can you print them out SAWE? What about screen shots? -

I just highlighted the entire thread and copied it , then pasted it into a word document and it's beautiful .

My Pleasure

And if she doesn't bring it up, I'd recommend you do it as in "about that email I sent you..." I know my therapist says that sometimes she hesitates to bring up things I've emailed her about, because she's uncertain - doesn't know if I've resolved it on my own or have otherwise changed my mind about it and don't want to talk about it. It's really important that you two have an actual conversation so you can figure out how to manage it together, and doing that will go a loooong way toward diminishing the anxiety you feel.


I'm glad the experience I described resonated with you and was helpful.

Is it possible for a mother of eight children to love them all? Of course! I don't think there is any limit to the number of people you can care about.

My T says she loves me and I believe her.

There are very tight restrictions on what she will do for me, but I bet she feels like doing more than that.