I don't know what is going on with my transference

Lately I have been feeling really connected to t. I feel so close to her and she is always on my mind. This scares me as I can feel myself attaching to her and I know I can't allow myself to get sucked in by another therapist and then spat out again.
I am also not sure what ts agenda is, she is so friendly and I wonder because she is my old ts supervisor why she is being like this because old t terminated me because I got too close to her, maybe I am just being paranoid but I am sure they discussed me and present t knows how bad I got with old t and told her to terminate me.
My main problem is that t treats me like a friend more than a client. She always keeps me longer. She talks about herself a lot, tells me lots of private information. now I get confused because i want t to love me and be my friend/mother but I know this can't happen. T doesnt understand my situation either and this frustrates me.
It feels like t is messing with my head

You have discussed your concerns and fears with her?

I forget if you have already explained this, but can you go to a different set of them? Or have you tried telling this one how you see it going and perhaps she will explain.

Yikes.........

(((((Button)))))),
I am sorry this is so painful for you It must be difficult to realize that you are attached and also to realize that your T's boundaries are loose. It sounds like you want firm boundaries? But to ask for them, that would end the illusion that T could be a parent and could fill the emptiness. It sounds like this is a difficult situation. What do you plan to do about this? Are you going to talk to T about it? I feel for you, and I know you will work through this in time, although it may not feel like it right now.

In the meantime sending you tons of hugs and peace. Take care of YOU.

Button30- listen to your gut feeling. There seems to be way too much disclosure on her part, which is a waste of your time and money. Perhaps a little disclosure here and there is ok and therapeutic. But watch those boundaries. You know from our PM's what happened to my therapy, and how the abrupt ending has been so difficult. I felt sucked in to the attachment also. And felt spat out, run over, and pissed on by a passing goat. Maybe that is why I am still so pissed....

wow I really feel for you. I would continue to try and maintain boundaries. In your mind you have to remember that she is not your mom or friend like you said. This can be so difficult. I am going through a similar situation. Im just trying to not be a stalker and not email or call my T. good luck and know that you are not alone and we are all cheering for you. hugs
Cyn

No I am afraid to because anytime I do this I get terminated.

I could try going to see someone else but that would mean having to go through everything again, I have started new with three ts in the space of three years and I can't start all over again

Thank you Anti,
I am not sure what to do about it because lately I have been feeling like t doesn't understand me at all, she has no idea what I am going through and it hurts. Yesterday she reminded me again that I have no one in my life who cares about me but yet I long for someone who cares and her saying this confirms it and then I start to get down again and it hurts all over again.

Freefall, I know that your experience has not been very therapeutic and in some ways I am afraid of getting pissed on too. Sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through all of this.

Tilly The stalker thing is hard for me to control too..I am not a stalker but everyday I want to contact t. I don't. In fact I never ring this t or text her unless its about an appt change which has only happened twice but I want to text her and be close to her. She told me that she was out the other night and got no sleep because of the storm and I wanted to give her a hug.

Button, just because other T's have freaked out , doesn't mean this one will. Especially if you bring this up as something you have had trouble with in previous T relationships.

I know i shouldn't let my past experience colour my future ones Lola but I don't think I can bring this up with her because I brought up all the yucky stuff with me, sexuality, body issues this week and she didn't take them very seriously. I felt worse afterwards she kind of made out that I am fine and that this is not a big dealk and I have choices and that the choices I have made in the past have not helped me, she like to do Cbt but I just need to hear something more from her.
it was not my fault or my choice to be abused or cheated on or not loved by my mother and now ever since seeing her I feel angry and am crying all the time and hate myself more because I feel like everything is my fault.

Well while you are at it she needs to hear this too. She can't read your mind, you have to TELL her these things.

I don't want her to get mad with me because this will lead to termination.

Start with that... I have some things I want to talk about but Im afraid you will terminate me.

Thank you Lola, that is actually a great way to start the ball rolling