What I need from T

I am wondering if you all can help me.. I am trying to figure out/put into words what it is that I need from T.

To give a brief history.. Struggling with some decesions in my life, different churches, staying or leaving my H, sexuality things. This past week has been a terrible one.. panic attacks were back, hard time leaving bed for anything but work. T thinks what will help me is to start making decesion in my life. I say I agree with you, but you don't get the consquences... the severity of the decesions I am about to make. He always says, eaiser said than done I know. I, however, feel he just didn't get the hughness of this situation.. Or if he does.. he really isn't showing it. He is still calm, cool, and collected T. Which, is good in a sense b/c I left my session with him a little more level headed, less anxious view of my situation. However, the calm T is starting to rattle me.. It is annoying me..I need him to show me.. SOMETHING. I just don't know, what I am asking for. Anybody understand what I am trying to say??

Yes, I do understand. A little more empathy please T.

Ts often seem to under-react. But maybe that's part of the job? Not to be overwhelmed by what's happening to the patient.

I'm hearing that you are not reassured by your T's calmness.

I guess it isn't... Or maybe it is, but it is annoying the hell out of me.

Do you want him to first acknowledge the enormity of what you face if you take charge and make decisions?

And I don't find their calmness reassuring. It is not their life, so why would they get all worked up.

I'm thinking maybe you want him to be more in "tune" to all that you are going through. Like Can't Explain said to be more "empathetic". Sometimes when T is calm and laid back while you're gushing out all these feelings makes you feel kinda like they are sitting back watching a movie rather being a participant. Maybe you want him to feel what you're feeling, to be angry or mad or hurt WITH you. I know for myself I want T to be on my side, to be my support system. Do you feel like that?

This also annoys me about most ts is they dish out all this advice and do not think of the consequences. Healed, these are huge decisions you are trying to make and you should not be rushed or pushed into anything. A little more support from t would not go astray.
Especially decisions about your marriage, these are life changing and should be well thought out. Maybe you could ask t for a little more support right now and a little help weighing up all the consequences

Yes, I mean he has said that he gets the enormity of it all, but it feels like a stock answer.

I guess yes.. I do want him to feel it with me. Although, I am not sure if that is his role?

I do need to convey to him how much I need support right now. I was hurt by him this week when he didn't get back to my phone calls/emails.. I need that support, even if it was to tell me it will be ok and to take it a day at a time.


I guess I get that it is part of his job to remian the calm in the storm so to speak.. I guess to show a little empathy would be good. Which, maybe asking too much b/c he has showed me a good amount of support... I think I may just need more.

This is a little triggering for me because my T has recently become my xT because I wanted too much. He terminated me because I didn't "get" the boundaries. I wanted more empathy, asked for it, and was made to feel like it was inappropriate or that I shouldn't need that from him. WTF? I, too, would feel like he wasn't "with" me if he was too calm, but then, that is his job and he can't get wrapped up in all his clients problems, right? Otherwise he would be a mess. It's just a weird, weird relationship.

This seems a bit drastic. A T must expect the patient to fight against the boundaries. It took years for me to accept them.

I am sorry this was triggering for you. I suppose what I have to do is figure out excatly what is that I want from him and ask him for it. If it is too much, then he can tell me and come up with some kind of comprmise.

I am sorry your T terminated you.