c o u c h 38 - The dark ages....

hon i don't even know. sometimes i read all the troubles everyone struggles with here and it is horrible. i have a husband who loves me to death,he is my best friend. i am not saying before him my sons farther was very abusive but i was able to get away. i don't have the money problems that i read others have. my son is amazing in my eyes, i am so proud of how he is growing into such an amazing person despite me. i own my house and i am surrounded by all this good. but i cant take any of it in ,i cant seem to feel any of this. i cant trust any of it, either i am always terrified of everything or completely numb to it all and like i am completely isolated from my life.i know kind of strange. i know it is totally selfish of me to be this way and i am really trying to not be and trust the good things in life. that would be the life i dream. is to be able to feel and trust the good things in my life. god i sound disgusting. I'm sorry

Granite I think I get what you are saying, i grew up very very poor and now that I own my own home and 2 vehicles and have a good job and etc. etc. etc..... its hard to say I'm not happy..... but this isn't the life I thought I would have, its not a bad one.... just not the one I dream of.

You don't sound selfish at all Granite. That was an amazing post where you acknowledged the good and the bad things! After all the not so good stuff in your past, look at how much amazing and good stuff you have and you recognise it too. That is amazing and a huge achievement, even if you can't take it in right now. We're all sitting here able to type on computers or access the internet at the very least. We all have some good things in our life that many people in the world miss out on. It doesn't mean we can just switch off our own stuff though. I'm sure we all would if we could.

yes it does and i think you can. i have this theory about me. sex is sex.it is fun and all but i do not ever let it mix with what i see as intimacy. like when we are hanging out and my hubby just walks up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders as i am doing what i am doing .or just a smile.laying on his lap when i am sick.him just knowing me. nothing to do with sex at all. for me intimacy and sex are two totally different things and i never ever let one touch the other ever.

Lola, I lost the link to the free book when my computer shut down and have been too lazy to go back and look for it. I doubt he would read it anyway. I have given him books and he says he has read them and doesn't.

Granite, I totally get what you are saying. We were talking to the marriage counselor and he was talking about the need for feeling intimate before having sex. I was like, yeah, H needs that. He asked if I didn't need it. I was nope. Sex is for orgasms.

I am content in my life. There are not things I wish I had that I don't.
Except maybe a personal jet pack.

like this?



I don't think I want to be anybody else. They would have problems I don't understand. And I think famous is overrated.
If I had talent, I would have liked to be a playwright or a symphony conductor

You think superman is hot? Ack.

I know there is hope. I'm just being wussy about talking to T about it. Or H for that matter.

Isn't that your life already?

exactally that is just how it has always been for me. it works. one never touches the other

I can take care of orgasms just fine on my own, thanks.

Most women do and that my friend is where I win!

OMG yes , yes it is!

Not yet. But I'm pretty comfortable, really.

Children are born knowing how to dance.
But mine is not a dancing culture.

Love starts like an open fire, but settles down to be central heating.

Not the death I would have chosen, either.

I taught my children to not only physically dance through life, but to emotional dance through life.... Open minded and embracing of all humanity

Benjamin Franklin.

Is that who murray wants to be?

I don't wanna be a superhero or even anyone else. I just wanna be ME. It took me 50 years to GET here, and I plan to spend the rest of my life being my awesome Self!!

It sounds like your external life is in pretty good shape - like mine. My problems are all in my mind, it seems.

Which women are you getting? The ones I hang out with want other women.

Bad Facilitator kept telling us, that some people use sex to express hate.

I vote to talk to H. He sounds like an OK dude.

I'm not expressing hate. I am expressing the need for an orgasm. He is better at it than I am, Chopin. LOL.