C O U C H 39 -The Renaissance Period

T trouble continued...

Part of me is enjoying the fight.
Part of me is curious to see who will prevail.

T better damn well bring her A game today.

Is it weird that I don't get nervous before this T? I think of it as a dump and run. I go there, verbally vomit all over the place, throw some cash on the table and leave. She's my emotional prostitute right now. I don't even give a rat's *** what she thinks about me. Such a very different t experience than I have ever had before.

Mine swoops in when I AM doing well to demolish everything. You're just recovering from your last interaction with them, starting to gain a little speed, when WHOMP!! There it is. Like a tic. Like a tick. You hope maybe this time you'll be free, get past it - but no.

I think many of us with toxic moms have had both of these experiences. Mine wants to tell me why everything is all my fault when things are going badly, and how if I weren't just so weird or unlovable things would be different. When things are going well, she wants to drag me down into misery so I won't think that I'm "better than everybody else." It is pretty much the same old thing over and over. "You think you're so smart because of X? You think X makes you better than everybody else? Well, it doesn't because of Y. And remember that time you did A, B, and C? All horrible mistakes even the dumbest person would know to avoid!"

Anyway, I solved that partially by eliminating my land line and only having my cell, where I can see how is calling. I just let it go to voice mail and then if it's a horrible rant at me, I can just delete it. She is trying to get around that by calling me at work. At work, though, I can just say I have a client coming in and have to go.

You are not bothering me.
I was using it to practice the word spanking. It is a word I usually avoid because even writing gives me an bit of fearful anxiety. At my age. Good thing I have a therapist or two.

Perhaps changing that could help - what about those drunken artist guys you painted with recently? Or your little old lady pets? Or the softball people? I am serious here - I think both people having their own friends is important. Couple friends also are good, but individual friends, are, I think, vital.

She is an introvert and would be perfectly happy with just me and the family... she has no other friends out side of work.

I'm sorry ya'll .... lets talk about something else.

I concur.

No patient telephones? Did she sign Hippa for anyone? At least she survived and I'll pray that she gets the help she needs, I know how hard something like this is to survive on the person and the family.

****trigger****??????



In my house:

Belt or other object (not only on the butt) = Whipping

Closed fist = Beat

"Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about."

That's really sad. Didn't they know that they could cause lasting harm with the tongue alone?

Once I said to the therapist things were not that bad like some of my death row clients had happen to them. She, rather dryly I think, said something about it not being usual to use death row inmates as the standard.