My T is a cold b****

I hate her. I am done with therapy.

I would like everyone to agree with me and/or say bad things about my T. Or your T, if you'd like.

Good job saying exactly what you need, Fixated. You've been struggling with this T for a while. I'm sure you can find one better suited to you.

Aw Fixated, I'm sorry.

Hi Fixated,
I'm so sorry this happened! I don't know your whole story but know you wrote something recently about not knowing how to face her after some difficult confrontation.
I know how hard it is dealing with a t that you feel is cold. There's a t at the day program I go to who I saw breefly for individual work. I saw her as very distant and challenging and not warm at all. She said she didn't judge me but I think secretly she did. And even in groups I see her as very fake and hope she moves on from this center soon.
I agree with MKAC that the right t is out there for you, and just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean you need to or should abandon therapy completely.

I wish I could go back into her room and knock things over. She must laugh so much at how much I care about therapy and our relationship. She probably kicks kittens too.

Gosh, I hate her. I hope she trips over her ego and falls down the stairs.

She sounds awful. Does she know you are not going back?

Sorry, but tripping over her ego and falling down the stairs really made me laugh. You have a way with words.

Yeah does she know you quit? Did you tell her she was a wicked woman?

OK, I'll say some bad things about your T if it will make you feel better:

1. She's only in this for the money
2. She cheats on her income taxes
3. She dresses funny
4. Her feet smell
5. She laughs about her clients with her friends
6. She cheated to get her license to practice
7. She knocks little old ladies down just for fun

I have more if you'd like ...

Seriously --------- Sorry things are so difficult right now

No. I will text her monday night to let her know that Tuesday will be our last session. I believe I will need to sign insurance papers.

I just don't want to second guess myself and change my mind like I always do. I need to stay angry.

Why not rage at her when the anger is fresh?

No. I am sure she would not care if I hate her. I told her I thought her therapist persona was like an assassin.

She will say my quitting is because I don't want to face the hard stuff. How do I know if I am quitting for the right reasons? I am losing my anger buzz.

Can you start to line up someone new? You don't even have to necessarily follow-through, but knowing you have potential new T's lined up may decrease the chance you'll stay with her because she's there...

If you really want to quit, you could tell her now and she can mail you the insurance papers to sign.

One can never be sure until they try it. However you could share some information with us and ask our opinions of the situation. If you are being reasonable or if she'd bat sh it crazy. We all have had these feelings.

You shouldn't feel this upset over the actual T (IMO). If she were a better T would you be willing to face the hard stuff? Only you know but I hate that kind of manipulation by T's because it leaves you second guessing your every move when really, it shouldn't be that hard.

My T wants me to face the hard stuff, but he helps me get to the point where I can. He sure would not blame me if I couldn't and he is not cold.

Does she say this as an accusation or something else? Like, my T once said she was trying to move me too fast. She learned since then I am a snail and that's okay with me.

Hi Fixated,
I agree with MKAC, tripping over her ego and falling down the stairs is funny!
What if between now and next week you start looking online for another t, or maybe e-mail a couple. When I was leaving a t that I was attached to but in the end was hurtful to me, I started at least looking for new ts right away. I hope this helps.

she sounds like a self centered person. how awful for you. hugs to you

I would be curious, in your shoes, about whether my prediction of what she would say about my quitting was accurate. I could only learn this if I went and told it to her in that last session you have planned. You can obviously use the session however you want, but if you want information, now is the time to ask for it.

I'm not sure how one knows if you're doing anything for the right reasons. I tend to think that when I act when I'm "hot" in my emotional response (and the anger buzz thing for me would be one cue that I am "hot"), I'm more likely to be acting out of the wrong reasons. Usually my "hot"ness is about being reactive rather than reflective. When I'm "cool" emotionally and I act from that place, it usually just has a sense, like an impression, that I'm doing something for the right reasons.

I have observed your struggle recently and I'm pretty sure I've said that it would be perfectly legitimate to choose to get another T or see another one for a consultation. You may need someone else to take you now where you want to go. I guess I would encourage you to try to quit for the right reasons, or try to set up an ending that *you* are satisfied with. It's fine whether that ending is having a fit of anger that she has to listen to or whether the ending is with you having a calm peacefulness that you just need to move on, or whatever you feel is best for you. But the ending of T, if it is right, can move you forward or it can hold you back. I think if you act, no matter what decision you make, out of strength and thoughtfulness, you can't go wrong.

Fixated - do you want to quit therapy all together or just with this therapist? It is always legitimate to try and find another therapist if a client wants to do so without any else's permission, in my opinion.

This to me is the difference between a "trained" and an experienced t. Like when you asked , did she want to see your photos of your trip, and her response was sooooo non-committal. How much harder do you have to push to get past her threshold where you will get a real response? She needs to lower her threshold to your level, not keep it at some book level "just because". We got enough idiotic "because I said so" when we were kids; we're not paying for it now. The term is optimal level of frustration; not frustrating level of frustration.

I feel this is some weird version of stocolm syndrome. T is not good for me, but i want so much for her to like or love me that i cannot give up.

I have been at the doctor's for 2 hours. About to eat dinner.

My prior T was wonderful for two years, and then turned cold on me. It was awful. I'm so sorry it happened to you.

I was never offered a final session, but if I had, I probably wouldn't have used it. I wouldn't have believed what she said about me, or what she said about herself (unless she did a mea culpa which I doubt would happen). It wasn't worth another hour of grief.