[onlytime]

I've been seeing my current T for almost a year now. I like her a lot - she's really nice, validates my feelings, and really advocates for me (e.g. she doesn't hesitate to call and talk to my other treatment providers). However, sometimes I feel like she's not very skilled. I know that sounds horrible and I feel AWFUL thinking/saying that, but there are certain things that she just doesn't GET. Also, talking with her feels more like talking to a friend, a mentor, or the nice parent (of a friend) who I've always trusted. I want someone who can help me gain insight, not someone who will tell me that she used to hear that from her daughter and she (her daughter) grew out of it, so I'll feel better in time too.

I know I should talk to her about how I feel, blah blah blah, but I'm afraid I would offend her. I know most therapists say that they want to know if they're doing something that is unhelpful, but it feels so personal.

Sorry for the venting/rambling. I guess I just really needed to get this out. Any thoughts/feedback would be awesome too!

Maybe you need less coddling now and more pushing.... you can tell her that without hurting her feelings. Sounds like you are ready for some hard stuff.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by onlytime

I've been seeing my current T for almost a year now. I like her a lot - she's really nice, validates my feelings, and really advocates for me (e.g. she doesn't hesitate to call and talk to my other treatment providers). However, sometimes I feel like she's not very skilled. I know that sounds horrible and I feel AWFUL thinking/saying that, but there are certain things that she just doesn't GET. Also, talking with her feels more like talking to a friend, a mentor, or the nice parent (of a friend) who I've always trusted. I want someone who can help me gain insight, not someone who will tell me that she used to hear that from her daughter and she (her daughter) grew out of it, so I'll feel better in time too.

I know I should talk to her about how I feel, blah blah blah, but I'm afraid I would offend her. I know most therapists say that they want to know if they're doing something that is unhelpful, but it feels so personal.

Sorry for the venting/rambling. I guess I just really needed to get this out. Any thoughts/feedback would be awesome too!

It sounds like maybe she's trying to normalize your feelings and that can come off as invalidating, even if her intention is to be helpful.

I know it can be hard to confront a therapist with this sort of thing, but I find that it's easier if I say, for example, "when you say x it makes me feel invalidated (or misunderstood, etc.)" I find that saying 'it makes me feel' rather than it 'is' helps me bring it up and better opens up the lines of communication.

[rainbow8]

What is her background? Her degree? Experience? Maybe she ISN'T skilled or experienced enough. I understand your hesitancy to question her qualifications but maybe she doesn't know that you're dissatisfied with the way therapy is progressing.

[Hopefloat]

Hi - I'm feeling the way you are. I'm just not sure my T's approach is what I need either. I think another issue I'm having a hard time with is that she is considerably younger than me. When I first saw her (when I DESPERATELY needed to talk to someone) I remember her telling me what her style was and 'is that ok with you?'....well, at that point in time, if a baboon sat down in front of me and listened, I would've accepted that approach.

You could either discuss with her that you feel you need to go in a different direction and ask if she could go there with you or just switch therapists. I know for me, the thought of "starting over" and spewing out all the stuff I already have to her to someone else is a tough one, but might be what I need. Best of luck to you!

Hope

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by onlytime

I've been seeing my current T for almost a year now. I like her a lot - she's really nice, validates my feelings, and really advocates for me (e.g. she doesn't hesitate to call and talk to my other treatment providers). However, sometimes I feel like she's not very skilled. I know that sounds horrible and I feel AWFUL thinking/saying that, but there are certain things that she just doesn't GET. Also, talking with her feels more like talking to a friend, a mentor, or the nice parent (of a friend) who I've always trusted. I want someone who can help me gain insight, not someone who will tell me that she used to hear that from her daughter and she (her daughter) grew out of it, so I'll feel better in time too.

I know I should talk to her about how I feel, blah blah blah, but I'm afraid I would offend her. I know most therapists say that they want to know if they're doing something that is unhelpful, but it feels so personal.

Sorry for the venting/rambling. I guess I just really needed to get this out. Any thoughts/feedback would be awesome too!

Want to swap Ts?

[Shiny Things]

I don't think it's good to feel talking to T as a good friend or trusted adult. In my case, all those peeps in my life couldn't possibly ever be my therapist. I could never tell my others of the secrets because they would judge me (or I def would think they were). But as far as "you'll outgrow it" that sounds weird.

[tinyrabbit]

Telling you that you'll grow out of it sounds dismissive to me. Why is she talking herself out of a job?

If she was new, I'd say give it time. As it's been a year, I think it would be an idea to talk to her and see what she says, which will inform what, if anything, you do next.

I was wrong about what I wanted from T. Thought I wanted structure and questions but I don't. However after a year I think you can know what you want.

[onlytime]

Thank you for all the replies! I'm always pleasantly surprised by the feedback I get from this forum

Maybe you need less coddling now and more pushing.

That's exactly what I need! I've even told her that I want to be challenged, but she doesn't seem to get that, or maybe she doesn't know how to push me further? I don't know, but it's really frustrating!

What is her background? Her degree? Experience?

She's a LCSW. She's older-ish (maybe late-50s, early 60s), and has worked in a variety of settings, so she has experience. I don't know why I feel like she's not as skilled. I guess it's because I've had other therapists (in a different area) who have really "gotten" it and are more "sharp" (for lack of a better word).

You could either discuss with her that you feel you need to go in a different direction and ask if she could go there with you or just switch therapists. I know for me, the thought of "starting over" and spewing out all the stuff I already have to her to someone else is a tough one, but might be what I need. Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry you're facing a similar issue. Yea, the idea of "starting over" is so overwhelming for me, especially because it was SO hard to find someone who takes my insurance and isn't scared off by my long history of hospitalizations and such. Good luck to you too!

Want to swap Ts?

If yours actually pushes you and challenges you, then YES PLEASE!

I don't think it's good to feel talking to T as a good friend or trusted adult.

I definitely agree! I am very grateful that I have many good friends in my life. It's so frustrating that I'm paying a professional to do the same thing that my friends can do

I was wrong about what I wanted from T. Thought I wanted structure and questions but I don't. However after a year I think you can know what you want.

That's a good point. When I was first looking for a therapist, I know I needed someone who is warm and validating (I've had therapists who pretty much told me that I'm lying and saying things just for attention). But now I don't know if those 2 traits are enough in a therapist.