T is gone, and I am not handling it very well!

Hi Everyone,

I got dumped by my t and I am posting this everywhere because this is hard! I got an email on Friday two weeks ago, and had my final meeting with her on the Monday after that. She didn't really dump me, she just had to move out of town immediately because her husband had taken a new job. Still, I feel deserted. I am trying to figure out the word that describes being in a professional/personal relationship and then having it severed. I am guessing that the t feels some empathy towards their clients, just as I do towards my students' lives, but on the other end of the relationship, it is so much more complicated. I feel so sad!

Meanwhile, I have had a meeting with a new t. How do I learn to like her? I have decided that next week I am going to ask her to share some personal information. I need to have some grip on who she is. I have to know that there is a real person that I am sharing my guts with.

I hate that I depend on a therapist to function in life!!!

Bluemountains

I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't think I would be handling things very well either. I understand feeling deserted. It's actually kind of what happened. NOt maliciously. Perhaps with some kindness? But she's still not there anymore.

I agree with you that our feelings towards our therapists can be so much more complicated than their feelings toward us.

I hear that you are sooo sad, and hate that you have to depend on a therapist. You wish you didn't have to. I'm guessing maybe it's a vulnerable feeling? or maybe the hard work that's required? and you need to feel safe, and that's tough when someone you trusted just left so quickly? Is it like that? or is it different?

I hope you find a new T you like and can work with.

I'm so sorry to hear this - I would be really upset too. I hope you get to like your new T - give it a bit of time

I can imagine how hurt you must feel. And abandoned too. It was a sudden ending of a very important relationship. You must grieve. I'm glad you have a new T to help you with this abandonment.

I had a T exit my life without warning and it was very painful, I was angry and hurt. He did something to cause him to lose his license and his behavior was obviously wrong and was his choice.

I keep finding myself mad at your T for her immediate departure. I realize she is married and will move with her spouse. However, she has an important and meaningful profession too. It is a large and important part of her life, and obviously a large and important part of her clients' lives. Her planning, or lack of actually, was awful. Non-existent, really. Thoughtless, to me. Of course she would move with her spouse, but she had a responsibility to exit her own profession in a responsible and therapeutic way. A move takes time to plan and organize and she should have let her clients in on what was happening. Maybe that just wasn't possible, idk, but I just find it hard to understand a sudden departure like that.

I thought of this the first time I responded, and then thought: Well, no, she needs to go wth her husband. After reading your thoughts, I agree that she should have stayed behind for a month or two to make sure she had done what she could to transition her clients. Couples take such breaks all the time for such logistical reasons. I had a therapist do this to me once - but I wasn't upset because I was thinking of leaving him anyway so this made it easy. Even with that, I was perturbed that he took us on as a client, knowing he was looking to sell his home and move away.

Exactly! Spot on!

I cannot fathom a real-life situation where you would HAVE to move so quickly with no warning. I also do not think it unreasonable for a T to stay behind for a month to have proper endings. My T is always on me that termination is not just one or two sessions.

It makes me want to pull out my hair.

How are you doing today, bluemountains?

This is every clients worst nightmare. I am so sorry bluemountains. It must be a heartbreaking experience but also a shock because it was so sudden with no warning. I agree with the others, give yourself all the time you need to grieve. I also think your t was unreasonable with her notice. It was all so quick. Do you think you would like to work wtih another t? This really helps to get over a t to process the pain with someone else

I'm so sorry this happened to you!! Was your t at all open to the idea of phone sessions? My t moved to another state back in November and she offered phone sessions when I rejected her initial offer of a referral to another t in town. I have made SO much progress working with this t (unlike the previous 2 that I tried) that I really didn't want to change to a new one. I was a little nervous if our relationship would translate over the phone but it has and phone sessions are working very well for us. Even "sitting with feelings" and not talking works over the phone, amazingly.

Thanks for the support everyone. I have seen a new therapist once, and I will see her again this week. You are so right that this is a type of grief that is hard to explain to anyone, and hard to suffer with. No, I wasn't offered phone consultations, which surprised the new therapist, but she said that everyone operates differently.

My other problem is that I normally have a phone consultation with my pdoc midway between appts. I have called a couple of times, and did not get a return call. This is very unlike her. I didn't talk to a real person, just left a message on the nurse's phone. This normally works. I am at a point that I want to adjust my meds myself because I am so sleepy all of the time. I don't know what it is, it may just be depression. This week I am going to call the appointment line and ask why I can't get a return call.

I feel deserted by everyone.

I absolutely detest the feeling of loneliness and having no one to turn to-no email options or anything. My best friend and I are not in contact because we both are needy mentally right now, and we have nothing to give. Meanwhile, I don't want to go to work, a place I usually love to be. It is just such a chore. I just want to sleep, no exercise or anything. Also, my wine consumption is slowly creeping up.

I am appreciative of your support.

Bluemountains