Couch 46: How's tricks?

all i hear is "shut up Lola"

I used to hear, "I love you hankster" but I knew it was only me saying it, so it was really pretty pathetic. After my last breakup, it was, "I don't love you anymore, succubus". Then I read "living with ED" By jennie shaefer and realized the voices in my head were family of origin. Then I got busy saying I love you to t and hearing it back from him, and hearing nice things from people here. Like from stopdog. Well okay from mkac. I don't not like you doesn't exactly raise my temperature. Just kidding!! Gotta go get the laundry switched. Why isn't this working for you? Cuz you're still getting mixed signals and trying to please the unpleasable w? Whereas here, you apologize, it's pretty much forgiven and forgotten, until you ie I do it again.

Been thinking of you, Wiki, and wondering how you're doing. I hope you weren't affected too much by the bombs. I found out three young men from my hometown, that I went to school with, each had to undergo amputations . But I am very grateful they're alive. We Bostonians are tough sons of b itches and we will not be terrorized!

I know the disposable feeling well. It's not fun to feel ignored/forgotten/disposed of, whether you've given up T or not.

Trigger warning for brief discussion of CSA:

At marriage counseling tonight, we finally discussed the CSA and my mother. My mother did something intensely creepy (at least from my perspective) with my son's girlfriend -- but it looked innocuous and like it could be an 'accidental' thing. Because of my history with her, I reacted in a huge way, but my H actually reacted also and went over and was going to intervene when the GF, grabbed my mother's hand and moved it (in a self-protective way, but not mean or confrontational and I think the GF is really amazing). But the big thing for me was H was READY to step in. Anyway, to discuss this in marriage counseling required me to bring MC up to speed on the whole CSA thing, so I said that when I was growing up and my mother was flagrantly mentally ill, she was abusive in every sense of that word. MC was right there INSTANTLY with the understanding that I was talking about sexual abuse.

I have been alternately impressed and panicked -- thinking he's a great therapist, OR my T told him already. H said, however, that I have talked around the subject a couple of times and mentioned my mother's HUGE boundary issues and my difficulties in close relationships with other women, so he thinks MC basically knew and was just waiting for me to be ready to approach it directly.

I do remember that I was really really hungry and my stomach kept growling through the whole thing. My dad took me to get a muffin right afterward.

H84 and RTS, neither of you is defective.
D and I just played Wii, finally got it hooked up after the move. I smoked her at pool and she destroyed me at tanks. The tank game requires both left and right hand manipulation, we played a dozen games and I'm still not sure how to move my tank, I have firing down pat. I'll have to practice when she's not around.

Although she said that my "friends" on line have changed me.

Could be, you can screen who you want to see you on this one.

I have trouble with clean-shaven men due to CSA. They could be extremely nice but if they try to kiss me, I nearly vomit and pass out. I'm discussing this next week with T. I haven't kissed a clean-shaven man since I was 14 or 15.

For me I think Im ambiwiperterous.... Sometimes I fold, sometimes I wad... I play it by ear! Any suggestions for my sabbatical...?

If you has 48 hours, home alone.... You and the dogs and its raining... What to do , what to do?

Great Im bored already... awesome.... who has a suggestion? 20 questions? Angry Birds?

I know. Why don't you read Emma?

Take a chill pill, LC. I simply meant read something you want to read. I have a copy of Emma right behind me and it'll take me years to get to it, if ever i do. I'm certainly not on their side..

That's what I do. But I also order books from the library. It's cheaper!

Ok taking aforementioned pill.... Emma is popular, we talked about a reading list the other day...you posted one I thought...