[skysblue]

Has anyone canceled a session with their very wonderful and supportive T when the safest thing seems to be to stay numb? I just did. Never have done that before. In the past, getting support from T felt the safest.

[wotchermuggle]

Yes, because I convince myself that I would overwhelm my T with my issues, even though I know he'd tell me the opposite.

Then you get the post-cancel regret which is the worst

[ready2makenice]

I just did this today and told T I'm not coming in,didn't say why but its because I feel like I'm overwhelming T with my prob,and last session didn't go so well,so I just wanna go into my little hole and stay away where I can't hurt anyone. But I don't feel strong enough to go in this week,its like I need space and I need to give my T space from me because I feel like I'm too much

Hope it goes well with you,I don't regret it,yet!!hopefully those feelings will stay gone and I'll stay numb to them

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Has anyone canceled a session with their very wonderful and supportive T when the safest thing seems to be to stay numb?

nooo, but you've given me something to think about.

do you recommend it? I do fear the post-cancellation regret, but in my own way - I don't want T to luxuriate in not-having-SAWE-around, might give her ideas...ha ha ha.

[likelife]

Yes, I have, especially when it feels like the safest thing is to be numb from feelings about T.

[shortandcute]

I had an appointment with my physician yesterday about changing my meds, and I almost cancelled because my emotions were all over the place, and I was afraid he was gonna get irritated with me about it. But I went anyway and now I'm glad I did. But I have cancelled appointments b4 because I was extremly depressed.

[skysblue]

I've been tempted to cancel in the past when I have had ruptures with my T although I never did cancel and it was always good to go in and see her.

This cancellation is different. It has nothing to do with T or my relationship with her. AND, I've never cancelled, ever, in the past. This is the first time.

I feel like I cannot cope with opening the Pandora's Box of emotions and if I DID go to session I would minimize everything and it would be useless to spend time there.

I'm even thinking of suspending therapy for a few weeks or months. It feels surreal that I'm even contemplating this.

Will I have post-cancellation blues? I have no idea. My session was scheduled for Thursday.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I've been tempted to cancel in the past when I have had ruptures with my T although I never did cancel and it was always good to go in and see her.

This cancellation is different. It has nothing to do with T or my relationship with her. AND, I've never cancelled, ever, in the past. This is the first time.

I feel like I cannot cope with opening the Pandora's Box of emotions and if I DID go to session I would minimize everything and it would be useless to spend time there.

I'm even thinking of suspending therapy for a few weeks or months. It feels surreal that I'm even contemplating this.

Will I have post-cancellation blues? I have no idea. My session was scheduled for Thursday.

Did you let your T know your reasons for canceling? I can certainly understand wanting to take a hiatus from emotional turmoil. I wonder too, though, if what you anticipate would happen in session would actually take place. Unless, of course, it's a pattern that's been playing out recently.

I don't know all the specifics of your story, but from what I recall, it seems that now is an especially important time to receive some unconditional support.

[tinyrabbit]

I would really recommend going and telling your T all of this.

I was worried I would overwhelm my T. Talked about it today. He said: "I'm willing to be overwhelmed, and if I am it won't be your fault or your problem."

I am now no longer afraid of this, and glad I talked to him.

It sounds to me that you are resisting therapy as you're getting close to important stuff. I'd say it's probably really important that you keep going.

yes I have cancelled, the receptionist was very rude to me about it and my Doctor was livid at the receptionist for being mean about it. He understood and told me life happens. He understands my limits.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I'm even thinking of suspending therapy for a few weeks or months. It feels surreal that I'm even contemplating this.

It sounds almost as if you're *curious* about what it would be like to not go to T or not have T's support. Curiosity isn't a bad reason to take a break. I think as long as you aren't keeping yourself from T as some kind of punishment, I think it's okay.

Honestly, I think you'd be better off going just this week and talking about whether taking a break would be productive for you. You don't have to open Pandora's box, but I think it might make sense to tell T that and process your feelings around taking a break. I think it would help you to talk about talking about it, and including T in these kinds of discussions may be more productive than you might imagine.

[tinyrabbit]

I should add: I've always viewed my T appointment as completely unmissable, no matter how I feel. I can't imagine cancelling. So that's probably not much use really.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by ready2makenice

I just wanna go into my little hole and stay away where I can't hurt anyone. But I don't feel strong enough to go in this week,its like I need space and I need to give my T space from me because I feel like I'm too much

I don't fear that my T needs space from me. She is very good at what she does. But I do feel like living in 'my little hole and stay away where I can't hurt anyone."

Originally Posted by likelife

Did you let your T know your reasons for canceling?

I hadn't when I had texted her to cancel. But just now I left her a voicemail explaining more fully my reasons for canceling.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

It sounds to me that you are resisting therapy as you're getting close to important stuff. I'd say it's probably really important that you keep going.

Yeah, the important stuff is already known and felt and needs no more infusion of energy which I think therapy would do. Too much to tackle at this moment

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

It sounds almost as if you're *curious* about what it would be like to not go to T or not have T's support. Curiosity isn't a bad reason to take a break. I think as long as you aren't keeping yourself from T as some kind of punishment, I think it's okay.

Honestly, I think you'd be better off going just this week and talking about whether taking a break would be productive for you. You don't have to open Pandora's box, but I think it might make sense to tell T that and process your feelings around taking a break. I think it would help you to talk about talking about it, and including T in these kinds of discussions may be more productive than you might imagine.

hmmm, maybe it IS some kind of self-inflicted punishment. Or maybe it's testing how well I can manage without her support. Or maybe I'm just sick of talking about things. Or maybe I blame her somehow for my troubles.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I should add: I've always viewed my T appointment as completely unmissable, no matter how I feel. I can't imagine cancelling. So that's probably not much use really.

I used to view my appointments as 'sacred' times during the week. Right now I just don't see how my T can help. Just me 'yadda yadda yadda' and her saying 'these feelings will pass' or 'finding peace in the midst of the unknown is the goal' or 'you're not a bad person, you are human' or 'try to focus on the positive - it's still there' or 'your life is not ruined just by one mistake' or 'condemning & punishing yourself will not right wrongs but forgiving yourself may do it' or 'seeking death is not a solution' or 'be kind to yourself' or 'you DO have value' or...

I called her once and attempted to cancel because of some huge emotions I had been confronting in my writing, but whatever her response was I don't even recall (she sees right through my b.s.) made me say something like "um, well, just ignore me see you at 10" and I was so glad afterwards that I had gone after all. I remember that day going in there and telling her I don't WANT to be here right now but I think I NEED to be here so help" or something like that.

Not yet as I have only been seeing her a couple of months but I am thinking of canceling tomorrow, My emotions are all over the place.

[ready2makenice]

I do,I fear that my T needs space,especially how last session went. I know she knows why but I didn't feel like addressing it today because I'm partially still angry and hurt by T.

Yes I constantly want to run to my hole,I haven't done it recently besides last week so maybe T is working!

Artemis-within: I don't WANT to be here right now but I think I NEED to be here sounds like something I'd say,I think I might use this the next time I go in
p.s. your screen name is the name of my T...funny!

Originally Posted by ready2makenice

Artemis-within: I don't WANT to be here right now but I think I NEED to be here sounds like something I'd say,I think I might use this the next time I go in
p.s. your screen name is the name of my T...funny!

my screen name is the name of your t?! wow. and here i was trying to be original LOL!

[skysblue]

My T called me and I picked up the phone. I know that therapists must always leave it up to client to decide to continue with therapy, go to session, work in session, etc.

But I appreciate the gentle encouragement my T gave to me to come into session. She reminded me that the other times I have tried to cancel and did come in after all turned out to be productive. And she also reminded me that I'm in charge and we can discuss or not discuss whatever I want.

I hesitated but then agreed. I texted her later and told her that I realized that I didn't WANT to feel better and by going to session I would be making steps to be in a better emotional space than I was in. Somehow I believe I deserve to feel bad and I should not make effort to ease my suffering. My T replied asking if I should therefore wear a hairshirt. I replied asking where one could be gotten.

Then I began reading Non-Violent Communication by Rosenberg and I began to feel better even with my best efforts notwithstanding to prevent that. Go figure!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Sblue - just to let you know -
hairshirts are available at the Therapy Client Accessory Store ... but they are expensive.

And - you have to bring a note from yr T.



seriously, I'm glad to hear that yr T reached out to you and you responded. That's very good!