I want to text my T, telling her I want to terminate...but i dont?

I am so confused right now.

I really feel the need to text my T and tell her that i am terminating. I have been seeing her for 3 years now, and she has always been a great T. She has always been supportive, encourages contact out of sessions if i need it (via text or phone call).

I just don't understand why i would want to do this, as i actually DONT want to terminate!?

Can anyone shed any light on why i am such an idiot?

You want to push her buttons and get a response. Unfortunately, generally the only response that gets is "ok, if that's what you want. feel free to call if you change your mind".

They are trained to agree with you about termination. I would think texting her
"I just really want to know you care" would bring better results. Don't manipulate, ask for what you really want.

Good luck.

I know that you are right, Wikid, the only response that i would get would be "OK"..for some reason i want her to fight for me to stay, but i know that's not her job

I feel like my needs are just too much for her

It may be worthwhile to tell your T just that.....that you're having these impulses, want her to fight for you and that you believe your needs are too much for her. It may lead to a fruitful discussion.

I feel like i am already too needy, and that by texting her, asking for yet more support, i will drive her away and she'll abandon me

WTF is wrong with me

I hear ya. I, too, hate the feeling of being needy and asking for more support. It's important to talk about it.

My T told me that it's important that I build a network of support around me, so that when my needs are greater, I don't have to rely on one person to fill those needs. Do you have a support network outside of T? If not, it may be a good place to start. And, of course, PC can be a great support as well - although that doesn't take the place of real life folks.

My T hasn't just agreed when I've done this. He has said it's my choice but he hopes I will come back.

It's a dangerous game though as you're fishing for the result you want. It would be better to be more up front about the actual feelings you're having.

I have asked my T about what he will do if I tell him I'm quitting. I told him sometimes therapy is just too hard and I want to flee. He said he will tell a client why he feels termination is a bad idea, but leaves the decision up to the client (obviously). He will also call at some point within a few weeks to follow up with the client and be sure he or she is okay and knows that the door is open if he or she wishes to return. He said he continues to think about clients after they termination and would like to know they are okay.

ETA: my point was, sometimes it can be reassuring to just TELL the T that you're thinking of quitting and why, and get some clarity as to what happens and what to expect if you really do ever say you are quitting.

I desperately want to tell her that i feel totally unsupported, and am in bits, and that yesterdays session has left me feeling terrified

She would offer me an extra session probably, which i cant afford, so thats not possible. There isn't really anything else that she (or I) can do about it..and now i feel helpless.

I have been on the verge of, or in, tears since our session yesterday. She texted me after our session to say that she hoped i was ok, and i replied basically saying i was in bits...and she didnt text back for ages and this is where i sound too needy, i know, but she has always text back quickly, and i was in desperate need of SOMETHING (although i don't know what), and she didnt reply for 5 hours.

I posted about it yesterday: http://forums.psychcentral.com/3034012-post575.html

I just dont know what to do, and feel utterly let down by T

HealingTimes, I really sympathise as I also had a really difficult session yesterday and am not coping well.

I think it would be better to tell her exactly how you feel, ie scared and let down. I'm sorry you feel that way.

(((HealingTimes)))

It's good that you recognize what you're feeling. I know that my T would not respond to me unless I specifically asked for a response. It seemed that you told her you were in bits and then waited for her to offer something to you (a response).

Thanks tinyrabbit, sorry to hear that you had a hard session too. I don't really want to contact her again after yesterday, as it feels like i am almost begging for a response, and there isn't any response that she could give me that would make it all better

Mixed up- thanks for your reply. Yes i think i was looking for a reply, just a timely text would have sufficed. But i felt like i had disclosed this huge thing to her and then was cast out into the world..i know that sounds very melodramatic but the whole situation is bringing up some really painful stuff from my childhood and i am struggling to act and feel adult about it.

I totally understand where you are, as I have experienced this as well. I wonder if by making T aware of all this would be of help to you. Sometimes it's not the response that matters most - just getting it out and letting T know what you're going through - that helps.

Thanks mixed up. I don't feel able to let my T know how i am feeling, at least until the next session should there be one. I can just imagine her getting my text and thinking "oh for crying out loud, HealingTimes won't leave me! She is nothing but a pain in the neck". I don't want her to feel inconvenienced by my stuff and my pain.

Why does this have to be so difficult?

I don't think she's going to think that.

Thanks tinyrabbit.
My logical self knows that. Prior experience has taught me that, but i can't seem to feel or think in a logical way about this for some reason..i think it stems from when a similar thing happened as a child, my needs were ignored and i was told that my emotions were too much.
Why can't i see past this?

You can't see past it because you were conditioned to think a certain way in childhood. But your T is working with you to change that.

Thanks tinyrabbit,

It's so hard isn't it. Sometimes i curse the day i ever started therapy. At least beforehand, i hadn't opened that can of worms that refuses to close itself.

Why on earth i cant just text T saying "hey, i am really struggling and would appreciate an encouraging/understanding text message back", i don't know.

Instead of terminating how about cutting back to every other week. I could not go cold turkey fom my therapist.

Hi moodswing.
The thing is, i dont want to actually terminate at all, i just want to feel supported and valued and not abandoned by my T.

Maybe try and wait until session and then talk to her about these urges you're having to quit, and your concerns about being too much for her. I think you could have a very productive, helpful discussion and doing it in session rather than by text/e-mail, etc. would remove the shame of contacting outside of session (it sounds like you feel ashamed of these needs) and also allow for a better discussion. Such difficult/complex things don't tend to be worked out very well by text/e-mail, best done in session.

I know it will be hard to wait, but try and hang in there! She'll be there for you when it comes time for your session.

hi, I get your feeling. Sometimes you just need to speak with your T in between sessions. Don't text her and say u want to terminate. Text her and say you are thinking about it, but don't know why and you want to discuss it with her. If u text her to terminate, you will have no closure etc. Don't do it!! Let us know what u decide. Take Care, Beth

I think maybe a text would help you to feel better for a little while, but I don't think a one-liner is going to help you in the long run. I really think you can work this out talking to her in session. You're in so much pain, she will help you! Maybe she isn't texting as much as you would like, because she thinks that such big feelings and hurt are best dealt with in session with you, where she can help you more fully. She's not abandoning you!

Thank You, Ultramar. I am not sure of what to do next.

My every waking second has been consumed with thoughts of this. I am finding myself quite angry at my T, as she has always been so intuitive and knows what level of support i need outside sessions.
I don't know why i am angry at her, I guess this is the first time she has really ever let me down.
On the 1 hand i am thinking "just text her, she'll understand", as she has told me that i need to be shown that my feelings arent too much or not worthy of attention...but on the other hand i am so sure that she is already sick of me

My head is all over the place

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Texting is a nightmare as it never seems to get us what we want. I had a discussion recently with my t about this as she was encouraging me to contact her and I was saying what's the point as I can't get what I need and feel more frustrated. She said use text for asking for help. When I am prepared to say what I need and use email to tell her something. I think you are in the awful position I was of telling her something and not getting a reply that helps. Not sure if that is any help but thought it might give a t perspective. She also encourages me to text just to ask her to think about me or check she is there. I hope you manage to get some relief from these destructive feelings. Sending hugs your way