fear, panic, just need support

I have begun the painstaking task of sharing some very traumatic and deeply guarded secrets in therapy. To say its been a journey to get to a place where I trust my T and finally let someone in to my inner world is an understatement. I am still guarding them and speaking in general terms, but even that, in my world, is a huge leap. In fact, it feels like it could be the most damaging or healing experience for me...but my stories are surfacing, and have cost me so much in terms of how I live my life.

TRIGGER WARNING




I left my last session feeling safe and opened up a little more about a particular event. Later that day I was overwhelmed, like drop to your feet panic, with dread and fear that the person I was telling on was right there and was going to hurt me for what I said. In my head I began to think..."I didn't tell too much...I didn't tell too much..." I was terrified even though I am most certainly not under any threat from this person ....(I even said to myself, Precious, get a grip do you really think they were listening to you in therapy?). But as much as I can rationalize all the reasons why I am safe and T and I have talks about how safe it is there...the fear is real. The panic and dread is real and it's been with me all week. I see my T again soon and of course, we will talk about it. But for the moment, I just need some safe energy. This will pass, right?

hang on, yes this will pass. Please be sure to talk to yr T about coping strategies. You need to have them written down where you can find them when you can't just remember them (speaking from experience).

take care

Yes it will pass, and yes the feelings are very real. You have been so brave so far. Just remember you can take things at your own speed. I'm sorry I can't give you wonderful advice like some on here but I do know that fear and how real it is. I hope you manage to talk to your t about it soon. Sending hugs your way

Hey precious
Sending some safe healing energy your way
This feeling is so painful and raw right now for you? Its a horrible gut wrenching pain, it hurts so much and feels so real but please remember this feeling will pass eventually.
In the meantime until your nest t appt, is there anything you can do to comfort yourself? Meet friends, buy yourself something nice, have a movie night with friends, partner?
I wish our feelings didn't hurt so much but they do and sometimes we have to feel them in order to understand them. This person can't hurt you anymore unless you let them, you have done the right thing in telling t and now you can begin your healing. Well done on being courageous and telling your t because now you can release a little bit of the hurt you have been keeping secret.
The one I fear, lives near me and everytime I see him I go into a panic but I know he will never hurt me again because I won't let him anymore

Ugh, I am so sorry you're going through this. I felt something similar and called my T about it even. He reminded me there was a time in my life when I quite literally might have died or been killed as a result of telling. A lifetime of KNOWING that you might die if you tell leaves that kind of lingering fear and panic in its aftermath. My heart goes out to you. Please reach out to your T if she or he allows it. If not, please keep coming here if it helps. You are safe. You did the right thing in telling. This terror will pass, I promise.

I'm so sorry you have a endured this. yes, panic attacks I am no stranger to...all these years they seemed to be just that generalized dread panic without any specific reason to why. This time, there was a face and a threat. I don't want it to derail me in my therapy work....I want to fight through the fear and get it out but it so all-consuming. I don't want this person or that fear to take away my chance to heal.

I have been doing a lot of gardening...well, a lot of crazy, frantic, anxiety gardening and not sure what I've even planted but trying to keep going until the next session.

This will absolutely pass and your T will be there for you. Short on words right now but wanted to post (((hugs)))

I can sooo relate to what you're enduring, and I am sorry that you're affected this way.

My T tries to tell me to be curious about these feelings, because it's our body trying to tell us something. Your body has been holding onto the trauma, and it's becoming more evident that your body is telling you that the fear is what has been keeping that part of you stuck.

It's incredibly unpleasant but will hopefully lead to a more integrated whole you. I am still trying to work my way there.

I'm so proud of you for opening up to your T so that your healing can begin. Call, email or text me whenever you need to. You know I'm here for you! (((Hugs)))